Conquer Club

Great games! Thanks for a fun war!

woohoo!

good war guys!!

ACE here we come!!

Well played Tofu. Fully deserved victory! Good luck against ACE.

You guys really seemed to step up a notch in round 3! Well played Tofu!

Doc_Brown wrote:Win #31 is on the books for TOFU. Great war Atlantis!

Thanks for the war, ATL! It was a lot of fun.

freakns wrote:and now my plan to approach Denise as a woman, get to know her secrets, then do reverse surgery and finally seduce her has gone down the pipe... so ill have to buy those darn roses!!!

Too bad. I'm pretty sure that plan would have worked on me. Maybe you should stay a woman a while longer and use your plan on some other unsuspecting female(s)?

Cheers, was a pleasure to battle you!

Denise wrote:Thanks for the war, ATL! It was a lot of fun.

freakns wrote:and now my plan to approach Denise as a woman, get to know her secrets, then do reverse surgery and finally seduce her has gone down the pipe... so ill have to buy those darn roses!!!

Too bad. I'm pretty sure that plan would have worked on me. Maybe you should stay a woman a while longer and use your plan on some other unsuspecting female(s)?

are you telling me there are other females on this site? the real ones? with hands and legs and... titties?
oh cmon, i cant say titties... but i cant find a correct noun. its just not fair, being forced to use english language. i feel like someone has took my vocabulary, and burn 3/4 of it. its like running 400m... hurdles... with your legs tied up together

oh well, OK, ill be a woman then for a while...






...a lesbian woman COF, keep your dirty hands off my tushy!

freakns wrote:are you telling me there are other females on this site? the real ones? with hands and legs and... titties?
oh cmon, i cant say titties... but i cant find a correct noun. its just not fair, being forced to use english language. i feel like someone has took my vocabulary, and burn 3/4 of it. its like running 400m... hurdles... with your legs tied up together :(

oh well, OK, ill be a woman then for a while...






...a lesbian woman COF, keep your dirty hands off my tushy!

You might be thrilled to know that the latest discussion in our Offtopic thread was about breast feeding. And only half of it was about infants *wink wink*. I must say some pictures were ... tantalizing.

Freakns might want to see cof's bitty video?

Dako wrote:

freakns wrote:are you telling me there are other females on this site? the real ones? with hands and legs and... titties?
oh cmon, i cant say titties... but i cant find a correct noun. its just not fair, being forced to use english language. i feel like someone has took my vocabulary, and burn 3/4 of it. its like running 400m... hurdles... with your legs tied up together

oh well, OK, ill be a woman then for a while...






...a lesbian woman COF, keep your dirty hands off my tushy!

You might be thrilled to know that the latest discussion in our Offtopic thread was about breast feeding. And only half of it was about infants *wink wink*. I must say some pictures were ... tantalizing.

you know, i not that much into those kinky stuff... its more Bogans area of expertize. so that wouldnt do too much for me...
but on other hand, you and Seul breast feeding each other has just made my "top 5 list of things normal person should never think about" along with COF wearing red thong, betiko being intimate with a dog, josko making private sex tape and Bruno Mars singing at superbowl half time show

freakns wrote:you know, i not that much into those kinky stuff(kinky is for normal people like bogan with a sense of adventure, hardcore filth is where it is at for a true freak)... its more Bogans area of expertize. so that wouldnt do too much for me...
but on other hand, you and Seul breast feeding each other has just made my "top 5 list of things normal person should never think about" along with COF wearing red thong, betiko being intimate with a dog, josko making private sex tape and Bruno Mars singing at superbowl half time show

Good to see betiko's little sister in here having a chat. Welcome back kiddo, your breast obsession makes me suspect that you are a teenager.... On reaching sexual maturity, and/or taking the leap from observer to participant in adult fun. Most men or women pretending to be men(betiko), head south from the breasts and stop at the piece of cutlery that is on the other side of the dinner plate from the knife. An analogy that may be lost on you, I hear that in your part of serbia it is only considered polite dining if eaten off a restrained donkey. Cutlery and table manners are sick capitalist imperalism to make good culture war of america pig dog seller of china lead containment gristle presenting device. Sorry readers, doubt I have fully channelled the spirit of revelutionary zeal running through freaky's veins. Think I need more betiko and less borat in the delivery. All literary critiques to my agent(Bruceswar) by sunday.

I fail to see how a private sex tape made by josko would be any less terrifying than the public ones in circulation. How he remains a free man escapes me. Only in Japan me thinks, after all they have lax standards on the treatment of dolphins and other cetaceans. betiko's intimacy with dogs is perfectly legal in germany, so he just visits seuls and takes seuls's miniature dachshund for a walk. Though is disgusting that betiko does not confine his canine adventures to poodles, a breed of dogs the french of groomed for that purpose for many years.
Quick Australian to American conversion chart
thong - flip flop
dental floss - thong/bikini bottom
g string - one of the 6strings on a guitar
fanny - vagina
arse - fanny (this causes a lot of confusion, many a Australian girl asking an american boy to stick two fingers in her fanny gets a bit of a shock)
mobile phone - cell phone(what people use in prison to make drug deals)
politician - traffic terroist

Using the above chart, CoF in a red thong would just make him daggy and drunk, with people asking him whether he had lost his other thong.

Freaky did bruno mars, refuse to progress from good touch to bad touch when you met at that truck stop glory hole in belgium? I can understand you being sore about him muttering "No, a thousand times NO. Leave me alone garlic man, I don't want to use your toothpick!" then running from the room. At least he left his soiled underpants for you to take home and enshrine next to your naked shots of bruceswar and blitz spit roasting a water melon.

I think no one with any pretensions of normality should pause to think about why there was a spate of water rat suicides in Sydney, after a visit by dako. No one in their right mind would want to do know what a russian could do to a rat to make the rat commit suicide. I hear that viewing the photos was the catalyst for arama's rapid weight loss.

Dualta wrote:

freakns wrote:id like to say that COF is gay homosexual!

And there are non-gay homosexuals? I don't know who the hell you are, but I like you already

The homosexuals that aren't gay, are just waiting for their prozac script to be filled. Or were you being bigoted and inferring that all homosexuals are lame? eh? I hope you were meaning gay as in happy and upbeat. Gay as in lame, is just too gay for words.

I knew we couldn t put these two in the same room.. It s like poring water on gremlins. Should be more careful next time!

What are you saying boggy, that in merican, fanny means ass?? I ve never heard fanny in american English.

For us, Fanny is a nice girl s name from the south of france. It s always ver embarassing for those poor girls when they go to England and they are asked their name. You might wonder what the parents were thinking... Well it doesn t mean dirty things for us!
And after all I know an english guy called Richard Head. How can the parents not think of not calling their son like that??

BoganGod wrote:I hear that in your part of serbia it is only considered polite dining if eaten off a restrained donkey.

Yes fanny means arse. People also wear "fanny packs"...the little bag that goes around your waste with a zipper pouch to hold your valuables...usually found on tourists that think they are going to be robbed by the local savages.

betiko wrote:I knew we couldn t put these two in the same room.. It s like poring water on gremlins. Should be more careful next time!

What are you saying boggy, that in merican, fanny means ass?? I ve never heard fanny in american English.

For us, Fanny is a nice girl s name from the south of france. It s always ver embarassing for those poor girls when they go to England and they are asked their name. You might wonder what the parents were thinking... Well it doesn t mean dirty things for us!
And after all I know an english guy called Richard Head. How can the parents not think of not calling their son like that??

Hipster, trendy, pretentious, trannies(sorry if the term offends, would Drag King be more suitable) like yourself don't often frequent the same places as middle aged - retired american tourists. Having had the dubious pleasure of spending almost a decade in Sydney I didn't have the luxury of avoiding the satirical vermin. It is almost as if on leaving the states they are all handed a leaflet outlining the negative stereotypes holding an american passport and being over the age of 40 obligates them to reinforce.

The Sydney Olympics was a particularly painful time for any Sydney based lover of common sense. Chubby sunburnt herds of greying, braying potential Darwin awards in the making, lurching in front of traffic. Wearing knee length shorts pulled up to their rib cages, sandals with socks, garish tea shirts that would make a colour blind epileptic twitch tucked into their shorts. Everything secured with a God bless America, or Texas is tops belt buckle. In deference to any readers that may have eaten in the past 24hrs I won't describe the head gear worn, nor go into detail on the scrapings from a butchers fat bin sheen on their triple chinned moon faced gormless faces. At least 2 out of 3 wore what Aussies/Poms/Kiwis would call a bum bag around their waste/waist. Often threaded through the same belt loops as their belt, creating a plaited life preserver like ring. The constantly snacking mericans called their bum bags, fanny packs. Much to the amusement of native english speakers.
Some things I over heard, and/or questions I was asked over the Olympic horror time.

"Look Sue, they have McDonalds here!"
"Remember the left is the right side down under"
"Have you gots any chapstick in your fanny pack"
"Stuff it in my fanny pack, I got plenty of room left"
"The opera house looks just like it does on the tv"
"Do you know Mel Gibson"
"Do your aboriginals own casinos?" Maybe not such a dumb question. Australia has a similar record on treatment of first nations to america, just still in denial phase rather than guilt phase. Long way off equality

Looking back, my favourite conversation. At the time was working 16-20hr days, so a bit short tempered. My chef pants tipped the tourist off to me being a local. Was walking from the train station to the bus stop.

Merican mouth breather "Hey Bud, Where are the kangaroos? been here two days and haven't seen one."
Uncle Bogan "How many bald eagles, bears and cougars you got in your backyard?"
Merican mouth breather <in a condescending tone> "None, I live in a city!"
Uncle Bogan "What do you think Sydney is? Fuckwit"

Richard Head is/was an uncommon but not rare name. My cousin's grade 6(last year of primary school) teacher was called Richard Head. The state government representative for the Hunter Valley(my local area) for many years was the poorly named Richard Face. He got elected purely so people could say they voted for old dick face.

You just described American tourists (and my father) perfectly That being said, cougars seem to be everywhere now, especially in cities.

My high school varsity basketball coach's name was Mike. Only problem was that I thought his name was Richard from the time I was a freshman in high school until a junior in college. Behind his back all that time we all called him Dick. As a junior in college, I was at my little brothers basketball game with my Dad and he offered to take The coach out after the game for some dinner. There I found out his name was actually Mike. My brother that was 5 years older than me played for him as well and thought his name was Richard as well...just got passed down every year to the new guys on the team and no one knew better.

Not sure what is worse? Being given the name Richard or earning it as a nickname?

ChrisPond wrote:Yes fanny means arse. People also wear "fanny packs"...the little bag that goes around your waste with a zipper pouch to hold your valuables...usually found on tourists that think they are going to be robbed by the local savages.

This is so true!

Do you know, the Irish love crack. It's so loved in Ireland that just about every single person on the island partakes of it on every opportunity they have. The best crack is to had in Irish pubs where traditional music is played, but you can find people having it anywhere, at any time, with anybody. If you love crack, you should definitely do to Ireland and enjoy the finest crack known to humanity. The crack is great in Ireland

You beauty!

BoganGod wrote:"The opera house looks just like it does on the tv"

outside of common nonsenses from americans, this one is pure gold i laughing like crazy!
Boggy, you should post this kind of shit all the time, on daily basis!

COF, thank you for that picture!


English tennis


vs

Serbian tennis



vs

New Zealand tennis

@Chris - You father sounds a lot like GallantPellham it is easy to dislike/dismiss americans as a group. Much harder to dislike mericans as individuals. Try though they might to earn the name richard.
@Dualta - Always thought it was spelt craic and was second only to shenanigans on the list of favourite irish pass times(If you exclude drinking which is a profession/obsession not a mere pastime)
@freakns - What no picture of demir or jelanna dokic? Though the chipmunk or the sheep(kiwi sex goddess called barbara you) would be much more attractive from any sane perspective. Am thankful your not trying to ram your way of life down our necks.

The following is a public service announcement and editorial giving the great unwashed insight into Bogans.
Cougar - This reading is taking from the most excellent book. Things Bogans Like.
"The female bogan realised that in order to attract a bogan alpha male, she had to look and act like a 20yr old throughout her lifespan. So, like an already haggard hatchling emerging belatedly from a discoloured egg the cougar was born."
"The bogan cougar levers her self into muffin-top-generating hipster jeans, and head butts her makeup cupboard until taking on an unsettling shade of orange. Now ready to go on the prowl, the cougar begins shamelessly hunting through local nightspots for any remaining shards of what it remembers to be its glorious youth, in the process discarding what remains of its dignity."
"Bogan males aged between 16 and 26 have concluded that it's totally hardcore to hook up with vastly older women, claiming ""They know what they want"", and under the assumption that they all look like Courtney Cox. They do not"
"Thus, when faced with a cougar in the flesh, the male suddenly reconsiders its initial enthusiasm. As the cumbersome quatrogenarian lumbers across the bar to pounce, the bogan male begins to fret, casting its eyes left and right, looking for escape, but its packmates are on either side, egging it on, reminding it that it was 'in'. The next morning it wakes up next to a pillow stined a queer shade of orange with dark blue patches, slides out of bed and out the door. And never speaks of cougars again!"

I have a confession to make, I sometimes like to pretend that Bruceswar is a cougar, and arama86n is a naughty student.... I'll be back in 2.5minutes.

My dad is a good guy and has quite the sense of humor. But he is an annoying tourist. He would have asked all those questions and more while wearing his favorite hat to cover his bald head..."I'm not losing my hair, I'm just getting more head". He wore that hat non stop when I was a kid (I had no idea what it really met at the time but I knew it was funny). At the time, I was embarressed that he tucked his t-shirt into his whitey tighties and did not wear a belt causing his fruit of looms to always be showing. he topped it off with striped athletic socks pulled up to his knees. Now that he is getting older and is a walking medicine cabinet, I don't understand the jokes he makes about getting old as I assume you need to experience it for it to be funny but he can still make me laugh by wearing a shirt that says "My pen is huge" when we go out to busy public places (WalMart, carnival, ect.).

I will make sure he stops by for a visit if he heads towards Oz. it is hard to get him off the mainland USA....he likes to go "camping" with his RV. The RV I believe has more amenities than my house and "roughing it" means he is having a hard time getting signal for his satellite so he is missing Dr. Oz.

BoganGod wrote:@Dualta - Always thought it was spelt craic and was second only to shenanigans on the list of favourite Irish pass times(If you exclude drinking which is a profession/obsession not a mere pastime)

Crack and shenanigans are two completely different things, I'll have you know. Crack is general good fun, but shenanigans ranges from fun laced with devilment, to downright outrageous behaviour. I was once accused of shenanigans when my granny walked in on me as a teenager with a girlfriend whose blouse was half off, on the sofa in my ma's house. My granny to my ma, and I quote, "And I walked in, and there he was on the sofa, having shenanigans with some wee tart!" I was so near, but yet so far.........

Craic is a bogus Irish word. It's not an original Irish word apparently, but an Irish spelling of the word intended to ethnicise the English term. This has been debated inside out in Ireland because, as many things back home, it has become politicised in the old English/Irish slugging match, but I wouldn't expect you to know that, being some sort of foreigner