ConquerClub is worth $169,614

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Re: ConquerClub is worth $169,614

Postby Mr Changsha on Fri Dec 11, 2009 5:09 am

elfish_lad wrote:
King_Herpes wrote:Well my dad's penis can beat up your dad's penis.


Wait... how does that work exactly?


Ah, the ancient art of cock fighting. The rules are simple like all the best games..

First, both men unleash their beasts and attempt to form wood. In the case of middle aged men this can prove to be quite a challenge, but rule 5 does indeed allow for a designated fluffer to 'stand by' for each combatant. However, it must be said that some have taken issue at the rather hetro-centric wording of the rule: 'A female may be employed to perform the act of fluffing upon the combatant crying "I'm as soft as shit down here!"' Litigation based on equal rights violations was actually brought forward here in China on this very issue, of course both the litigant and his lawyer were natually shot for having the nerve to express a free thought. Quite right too, I say.

Once both men are suitably engorged, they must place themselves at a distance of no more than 30 (15 for the asian gentleman) centimetres apart (measured from the toe of the right foot of the challenger to the toe of the left foot of the challenged). Once in position, the umpire will raise his arms to the sky, look both combatants firmly in the eye and proclaim.."Grasp Cock!" At this point, the standard technique is to place one's left hand upon one's left buttock (for balance, naturally) while firmly grasping the old sausage at the root. Another variation - often referred to as the claymore technique - is to place both hands at the base of the old manhood. This is often preferred by the larger gentleman in the trouser department and the adoption of this stance is sometimes used as a form of intimidation. Of course if the chap doesn't actually have 'the ways to justify the means' well, let's just say that it is rather like a chap saying "Have you seen my new rolex?" in the pub, only for another to point out "Yeah, 15 quid from Big Bessy from behind the Butchers that is." Highly embarrassing to say the least.

The battle itself can be best described as a rather sordid variation on that much loved children's classic 'thumb wars'. A victory can be achieved by either pinning the opponent's bishop for three full seconds (counted out by the umpire) or by going for the 'under and up'. The 'under and up' involves streaking under the opponents guard and, with as violent a motion as possible, striking the sack in such a way as to make the opponent collapse like the proverbial house of cards. A danger however is the 'loss by deviant homosexual default'. Ejaculation = instant disqualification and here in China also death, thus adding a whole other level of danger to those who grasp the stick in fury.

Always here to educate,

Mr C
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Re: ConquerClub is worth $169,614

Postby natty dread on Fri Dec 11, 2009 5:27 am

King_Herpes wrote:
natty_dread wrote:
King_Herpes wrote:meh, my penis is worth more than that.


No it's not, your penis has herpes. My penis is worth more than your penis.


Well my dad's penis can beat up your dad's penis.


Meh, not unless your dad's penis is a necropenis. My dad is dead. And so is his penis.
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Re: ConquerClub is worth $169,614

Postby MeDeFe on Fri Dec 11, 2009 8:20 am

Mr Changsha wrote:
elfish_lad wrote:
King_Herpes wrote:Well my dad's penis can beat up your dad's penis.


Wait... how does that work exactly?


Ah, the ancient art of cock fighting. The rules are simple like all the best games..

First, both men unleash their beasts and attempt to form wood. In the case of middle aged men this can prove to be quite a challenge, but rule 5 does indeed allow for a designated fluffer to 'stand by' for each combatant. However, it must be said that some have taken issue at the rather hetro-centric wording of the rule: 'A female may be employed to perform the act of fluffing upon the combatant crying "I'm as soft as shit down here!"' Litigation based on equal rights violations was actually brought forward here in China on this very issue, of course both the litigant and his lawyer were natually shot for having the nerve to express a free thought. Quite right too, I say.

Once both men are suitably engorged, they must place themselves at a distance of no more than 30 (15 for the asian gentleman) centimetres apart (measured from the toe of the right foot of the challenger to the toe of the left foot of the challenged). Once in position, the umpire will raise his arms to the sky, look both combatants firmly in the eye and proclaim.."Grasp Cock!" At this point, the standard technique is to place one's left hand upon one's left buttock (for balance, naturally) while firmly grasping the old sausage at the root. Another variation - often referred to as the claymore technique - is to place both hands at the base of the old manhood. This is often preferred by the larger gentleman in the trouser department and the adoption of this stance is sometimes used as a form of intimidation. Of course if the chap doesn't actually have 'the ways to justify the means' well, let's just say that it is rather like a chap saying "Have you seen my new rolex?" in the pub, only for another to point out "Yeah, 15 quid from Big Bessy from behind the Butchers that is." Highly embarrassing to say the least.

The battle itself can be best described as a rather sordid variation on that much loved children's classic 'thumb wars'. A victory can be achieved by either pinning the opponent's bishop for three full seconds (counted out by the umpire) or by going for the 'under and up'. The 'under and up' involves streaking under the opponents guard and, with as violent a motion as possible, striking the sack in such a way as to make the opponent collapse like the proverbial house of cards. A danger however is the 'loss by deviant homosexual default'. Ejaculation = instant disqualification and here in China also death, thus adding a whole other level of danger to those who grasp the stick in fury.

Always here to educate,

Mr C

You just made my day a whole lot better than it already was.
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Re: ConquerClub is worth $169,614

Postby jleonnn on Fri Dec 11, 2009 9:40 am

i wanna buy conquerclub lol.
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Re: ConquerClub is worth $169,614

Postby natty dread on Fri Dec 11, 2009 10:10 am

... so, conquer club is worth 169 dollars and 614 cents?
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Re: ConquerClub is worth $169,614

Postby Army of GOD on Fri Dec 11, 2009 12:07 pm

Mr Changsha wrote:
elfish_lad wrote:
King_Herpes wrote:Well my dad's penis can beat up your dad's penis.


Wait... how does that work exactly?


Ah, the ancient art of cock fighting. The rules are simple like all the best games..

First, both men unleash their beasts and attempt to form wood. In the case of middle aged men this can prove to be quite a challenge, but rule 5 does indeed allow for a designated fluffer to 'stand by' for each combatant. However, it must be said that some have taken issue at the rather hetro-centric wording of the rule: 'A female may be employed to perform the act of fluffing upon the combatant crying "I'm as soft as shit down here!"' Litigation based on equal rights violations was actually brought forward here in China on this very issue, of course both the litigant and his lawyer were natually shot for having the nerve to express a free thought. Quite right too, I say.

Once both men are suitably engorged, they must place themselves at a distance of no more than 30 (15 for the asian gentleman) centimetres apart (measured from the toe of the right foot of the challenger to the toe of the left foot of the challenged). Once in position, the umpire will raise his arms to the sky, look both combatants firmly in the eye and proclaim.."Grasp Cock!" At this point, the standard technique is to place one's left hand upon one's left buttock (for balance, naturally) while firmly grasping the old sausage at the root. Another variation - often referred to as the claymore technique - is to place both hands at the base of the old manhood. This is often preferred by the larger gentleman in the trouser department and the adoption of this stance is sometimes used as a form of intimidation. Of course if the chap doesn't actually have 'the ways to justify the means' well, let's just say that it is rather like a chap saying "Have you seen my new rolex?" in the pub, only for another to point out "Yeah, 15 quid from Big Bessy from behind the Butchers that is." Highly embarrassing to say the least.

The battle itself can be best described as a rather sordid variation on that much loved children's classic 'thumb wars'. A victory can be achieved by either pinning the opponent's bishop for three full seconds (counted out by the umpire) or by going for the 'under and up'. The 'under and up' involves streaking under the opponents guard and, with as violent a motion as possible, striking the sack in such a way as to make the opponent collapse like the proverbial house of cards. A danger however is the 'loss by deviant homosexual default'. Ejaculation = instant disqualification and here in China also death, thus adding a whole other level of danger to those who grasp the stick in fury.

Always here to educate,

Mr C


*ConquerClub's worth increases by 300%*
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Re: ConquerClub is worth $169,614

Postby darth emperor on Fri Dec 11, 2009 12:21 pm

And what about conquerclubtrivia???

everytime I try says:

www.conquerclubtrivia.com's eSiteStats Rank: N/A
Estimated Value: $2
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Re: ConquerClub is worth $169,614

Postby vodean on Fri Dec 11, 2009 1:14 pm

darth emperor wrote:And what about conquerclubtrivia???

everytime I try says:

http://www.conquerclubtrivia.com's eSiteStats Rank: N/A
Estimated Value: $2

haha :D :D. cockfighting... :lol: :lol:
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Re: ConquerClub is worth $169,614

Postby obliterationX on Fri Dec 11, 2009 1:46 pm

I'm wet.
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Re: ConquerClub is worth $169,614

Postby elfish_lad on Fri Dec 11, 2009 1:57 pm

Mr Changsha wrote:Ah, the ancient art of cock fighting. The rules are simple like all the best games..


Thanks Mr. C. Very helpful reminder of the rules. However, I do have a few questions:

1. Can I use a proxy? Let's say I had a busy night before with regard to "marital relations" and such and the equipment is a bit worn out. Can I call in my brother as my second to defend my honor? Not so much because he has better tools but because he is single?

2. Can my opponent tap-out or is it really a cage match with a fight to the death or until one of the combatants becomes a eunuch?

And finally,

3. Is this really the best manner in which to discover if someone's penis is worth more than CC?

Thank you kindly in advance for your thoughtful reply.

Curiously Yours,

E.
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Re: ConquerClub is worth $169,614

Postby natty dread on Fri Dec 11, 2009 2:48 pm

3. Is this really the best manner in which to discover if someone's penis is worth more than CC?


Only if you don't mind catching herpes.
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Re: ConquerClub is worth $169,614

Postby King_Herpes on Fri Dec 11, 2009 6:25 pm

natty_dread wrote:
King_Herpes wrote:
natty_dread wrote:
King_Herpes wrote:meh, my penis is worth more than that.


No it's not, your penis has herpes. My penis is worth more than your penis.


Well my dad's penis can beat up your dad's penis.


Meh, not unless your dad's penis is a necropenis. My dad is dead. And so is his penis.


Not quite but he's a necropenismancer which in this case would be the next best thing.
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Re: ConquerClub is worth $169,614

Postby natty dread on Fri Dec 11, 2009 7:10 pm

King_Herpes wrote:
natty_dread wrote:
King_Herpes wrote:
natty_dread wrote:
King_Herpes wrote:meh, my penis is worth more than that.


No it's not, your penis has herpes. My penis is worth more than your penis.


Well my dad's penis can beat up your dad's penis.


Meh, not unless your dad's penis is a necropenis. My dad is dead. And so is his penis.


Not quite but he's a necropenismancer which in this case would be the next best thing.


What, I thought he just has a necrotic penis.
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Re: ConquerClub is worth $169,614

Postby King_Herpes on Fri Dec 11, 2009 7:15 pm

Quit talking about our father's cocks!











It's getting weird.
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Re: ConquerClub is worth $169,614

Postby Army of GOD on Fri Dec 11, 2009 7:16 pm

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CURRENCY CONVERSION: 1 SaxBucks = .02 AoGRubles

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-1 nietzsche dickpic: 1 AoGRuble
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