elfish_lad wrote:King_Herpes wrote:Well my dad's penis can beat up your dad's penis.
Wait... how does that work exactly?
Ah, the ancient art of cock fighting. The rules are simple like all the best games..
First, both men unleash their beasts and attempt to form wood. In the case of middle aged men this can prove to be quite a challenge, but rule 5 does indeed allow for a designated fluffer to 'stand by' for each combatant. However, it must be said that some have taken issue at the rather hetro-centric wording of the rule: 'A female may be employed to perform the act of fluffing upon the combatant crying "I'm as soft as shit down here!"' Litigation based on equal rights violations was actually brought forward here in China on this very issue, of course both the litigant and his lawyer were natually shot for having the nerve to express a free thought. Quite right too, I say.
Once both men are suitably engorged, they must place themselves at a distance of no more than 30 (15 for the asian gentleman) centimetres apart (measured from the toe of the right foot of the challenger to the toe of the left foot of the challenged). Once in position, the umpire will raise his arms to the sky, look both combatants firmly in the eye and proclaim.."Grasp Cock!" At this point, the standard technique is to place one's left hand upon one's left buttock (for balance, naturally) while firmly grasping the old sausage at the root. Another variation - often referred to as the claymore technique - is to place both hands at the base of the old manhood. This is often preferred by the larger gentleman in the trouser department and the adoption of this stance is sometimes used as a form of intimidation. Of course if the chap doesn't actually have 'the ways to justify the means' well, let's just say that it is rather like a chap saying "Have you seen my new rolex?" in the pub, only for another to point out "Yeah, 15 quid from Big Bessy from behind the Butchers that is." Highly embarrassing to say the least.
The battle itself can be best described as a rather sordid variation on that much loved children's classic 'thumb wars'. A victory can be achieved by either pinning the opponent's bishop for three full seconds (counted out by the umpire) or by going for the 'under and up'. The 'under and up' involves streaking under the opponents guard and, with as violent a motion as possible, striking the sack in such a way as to make the opponent collapse like the proverbial house of cards. A danger however is the 'loss by deviant homosexual default'. Ejaculation = instant disqualification and here in China also death, thus adding a whole other level of danger to those who grasp the stick in fury.
Always here to educate,