elfish_lad wrote:Thanks Mr. C. Very helpful reminder of the rules. However, I do have a few questions:
1. Can I use a proxy? Let's say I had a busy night before with regard to "marital relations" and such and the equipment is a bit worn out. Can I call in my brother as my second to defend my honor? Not so much because he has better tools but because he is single?
Would you ask your brother to step in to service the old wife if your manhood had become overly flaccid from masturbation (let's be honest here!!)? Maybe you would... I don't know and frankly I don't want to know what you depraved cats get up to in that land of decadence known as the United States of America, but in the ancient art of cock fighting a man settles his problems in the same way he settles his problems regarding his own good wife...with his cock. His own cock. In some provinces of China, the substitution of cocks in the marital bedroom is sure fire way to get a bullet in the brain, and this same moral stance (often known as 'murderous glee' but that is just my own opinion you understand) is adopted for the ancient art of cock fighting. As an old Chinese saying goes "A man who would ask of his brother's cock in battle would surely give his brother's wife a bloody good seeing to like a tiger fucking a panda in a bamboo tree over a mountain framed by a lake." Incredibly deep the Chinese, you know.
elfish_lad wrote:2. Can my opponent tap-out or is it really a cage match with a fight to the death or until one of the combatants becomes a eunuch?
A good question this, showing an interest in the finer details of the game. Well done sir, you may (if you train like Rocky), one day take your place in the ring. For full details of the sport I can but direct you to the official website of Chinese cock fighting http://www.slaphismeat.cn if you feel the urge to 'lock cocks' (technical term). The current place in vogue to train is in the hills around Dali...a master of the style (known as 'whipping snake' here in China) will vigorously penetrate your very imperialistic American soul. Think Kill Bill...but with cocks.
elfish_lad wrote:And finally,
3. Is this really the best manner in which to discover if someone's penis is worth more than CC?
No, of course not. The best way would be to see if the owner of the said penis could earn more money from pornography or donating to sperm banks or something. However, paragraph 8 subsection c (a2) of the regional code of Hu Nan does allow for the 'challenge by raging meat' in the case of some legal disputes. I must again stress however that if the challenge is adopted as a mere pretense for 'deviant, almost certainly imported from Europe, homosexual rutting' (President Deng, 1986) then the most likely outcome of the challenge is quick, messy death. 'Ejaculation = Excecution'...words that all Chinese (not least because of the one child policy) live by.
Hope that helps, but if you've found the old man meat straining at the fly while reading this then I can but suggest that this is not the sport for you. The ancient sport of of cock fighting is possibly the most hetrosexual sport in the entire world (yes, even more straight than wrestling, rugby or NFL) and many is the man who thought 'I'm this game for honour' only to have it cruelly exposed that he was in fact a raging woofter. Coming out of the closet whilst in the middle of a ring of machine gun toting thought police is not a way to maintain emotional equalibrium! Trust me on this!!