Conquer Club

KoolBak wrote:Robin....I hereby call for YOUR submission! Now gimme the keys to all them cars!!!

hahaha... KOOOOOL!!! where ya been hiding?

So i suppose you are right, that i too should submit something,,,
of course, being that i am the judge, it wouldn't need to be much!
But that's not my style, so I will set a good example, solely to encourage you and others to do the same...

mnnnnnn... now ordinarily, i would make heavy use of pics to tell a story,
but tricardinal has taken that prize already... so what to do, what to do, what to doooo....

Another serious war story? a love story perhaps? no, perhaps humor... yes, we need something funny here...
a classic joke modified to tie in the players, and potential players, for this game...


Well... Here it is, in the next post:

Victor Sullivan interrupts Satan... "Sir, I have big news"..

"What is it, Victor? Has AndyDefresne succeeded in helping our dice demons achieved their evil objectives? Have we relocated Seulessliathan to Belgium? Have we quenched more hideous maps? Is my bastard redneck son Koolbak returning my truck?"

"No sir, there was fantastic crash, and all of the posters in the 199 victories thread have been killed"

A jubilant Satan, allowing his quilt of souls to fall to the floor, jumps from his chair and begins to plan excitedly...

"Uh sir, I regret to inform you that not ALL of them are here... some, er.. well... went to... errr... you know, the other pl--"
Victor, having been impaled by Satan's pitchfork, falls to the floor... "I thought funkyterrance assured me we owned them ALL, damn it..." shouts an infuriated Satan.

Janomike steps in to encourage Satan by informing him that 3 of the victims are already ready in the next room, and that other demons were working feverishly to prepare another room for the others.

"FINE! let's see what we've got", Satan replies to Janomike as they approach the specially prepared room.

In the room, we find Woodruff, Tricardinial and Fruitcake. All three guys are a little confused at their present situation. All three are even more startled to see a door in the wall open, and behind the door was perhaps the ugliest woman they had ever seen. She was 3'4", dirty, and you could smell her even over the Fire and Brimstone.

The evil voice of the Devil was heard, "Woofruff, you have sinned!
You are condemned to spend the rest of eternity in bed with this woman!"
And Woodruff was whisked through the door by a group of lesser demons to his eternal torment.

This understandably shook up Tricardinial and Fruitcake, and so they both jumped when a second door opened, and then they saw an even more disgusting example of womanhood gone wrong. She was over 7' tall, monstrous, covered in thick black hair,and flies circled her.
The voice of the Devil was heard, "Tricardinial, you have sinned!
You are condemned to spend the rest of eternity in bed with this woman!"
And Tricardinial, like Woodruff, was whisked off, to spend an even worse eternal torment.

Fruitcake, now alone, felt understandably anxious, and feared the worst when the third door opened. And as the door inched open, he strained to see the figure of the most beautiful woman he had ever laid eyes on, with flowing hair, shapely curves, all in perfect proportion...

Delighted, Fruitcake jumps up, taking in the sight of this beautiful woman, dressed in a skimpy bikini. Then he heard the voice of the Devil saying:
"squishyg, you have sinned...."

Very entertaining, great punchline. I give it an 8.5!
Very good form but I had to deduct points for the redundant nature of satan's cry of "damn it!".
However, I can honestly say you deserve your seat.

Cheers,
-FT

Ha! Fantastic!

See you in hell,

-Lord Foulgrin Sully

REVISED TO INCLUDE THE ADDITIONAL SUBMISSIONS

Thank you one and all for the submissions...
I enjoyed them all, and wished there was room for more of you.
But there can be only 6 at this table, and...

FIVE OF THE SIX SEATS ARE LOCKED IN

Late entries will still be accepted
to be considered for the final seat, and as alternates if someone has to decline.

Well here we go, First, the 5 that are locked in:


WOODRUFF
http://www.conquerclub.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=177339&start=1


SQUISHYG
http://www.conquerclub.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=177339&start=94


TRINICARDINAL
http://www.conquerclub.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=177339&start=111


SEULESSLIATHAN sadly, Seul is going on a very long holiday, and cannot join us
http://www.conquerclub.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=177339&start=119


ROBINETTE
http://www.conquerclub.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=177339&start=136




WHICH MEANS THERE ARE NOW 2 SEATS TO FILL,
from the list of 3 below...





JANOMIKE

Janomike wrote:200 Siege, stolze Zahl
nun hast du die Qual der Wahl.

Wählst du mich so werde ich,
dich besiegen sicherlich.

Tust du es nicht ist für mich klar
dass es Angst vor mir nur war.

Ok so i added a german poem as well, will give you the translation
as soon as im on your list

FRUITCAKE

Fruitcake wrote:I would like to join this party for one simple inescapable reason.

Whenever one is seated across from Robin, one is always assured of a very strong opposition. It is by playing such games that one hones the skills required to win more.

VICTOR SULLIVAN

Victor Sullivan wrote:Personally, Robinette, I think you have one of the most difficult medals to achieve in all of Conquer Club: your specific General Contribution medal. No one can even attempt to fill the slot you'd leave empty, should you ever leave. How can an institution stay standing if its foundation gives out? How can a daisy show its petals in the spring if it has no roots to absorb the nutrients it needs? It takes a certain kind of person to have such an impact with no tools.

If I'm going to be perfectly honest, I'm not even sure if I deserve to be in your game. You should have your game be a game for those that have contributed as you have, like AndyDufresne, Woodruff, and Fruitcake.

I'm just the Newsletter guy.
-Sully

It's a rare sense of accomplishment to beat Robinette. Here's hoping I get another notch on my belt.

So who should it be?

3 people vying for the 2 remaining seats....

So who should we leave behind?

Shall it be the poet? Shall it be the factual brit? Shall it be he who flatters?




JANOMIKE

Janomike wrote:200 Siege, stolze Zahl
nun hast du die Qual der Wahl.

Wählst du mich so werde ich,
dich besiegen sicherlich.

Tust du es nicht ist für mich klar
dass es Angst vor mir nur war.

Ok so i added a german poem as well, will give you the translation
as soon as im on your list

FRUITCAKE

Fruitcake wrote:I would like to join this party for one simple inescapable reason.

Whenever one is seated across from Robin, one is always assured of a very strong opposition. It is by playing such games that one hones the skills required to win more.

VICTOR SULLIVAN

Victor Sullivan wrote:Personally, Robinette, I think you have one of the most difficult medals to achieve in all of Conquer Club: your specific General Contribution medal. No one can even attempt to fill the slot you'd leave empty, should you ever leave. How can an institution stay standing if its foundation gives out? How can a daisy show its petals in the spring if it has no roots to absorb the nutrients it needs? It takes a certain kind of person to have such an impact with no tools.

If I'm going to be perfectly honest, I'm not even sure if I deserve to be in your game. You should have your game be a game for those that have contributed as you have, like AndyDufresne, Woodruff, and Fruitcake.

I'm just the Newsletter guy.
-Sully

The funny thing is that only by process of elimination could I determine which was which.

I know for a fact that Fruitcake is British, the other delineating qualities are up for serious debate.

At any rate, I vote for Sully. He's cooler.

i vote for sully and fruity!

I almost wish Robinette wouldn't choose, so we could keep on debating and chatting, haha.

-Sully

Victor Sullivan wrote:I almost wish Robinette wouldn't choose, so we could keep on debating and chatting, haha.

-Sully

Well, if this were an opera Robinette would be hit on the head and fall into a deep sleep, waking up healthy but finding she had a rare form of amnesia which erased all of her knowledge of cc yet left the rest of her mind unaffected. Then all could argue over who she was going to choose. I'm betting I could twist the facts enough so that not only would I be one of the chosen players but would also have the privilege of choosing my opponents. Robinette would no longer be a threat for obvious reasons and I would have a solid chance at taking the victory and being lifted and carried on my litter to the reception hall, hailed by the cheers of the masses.

Funkyterrance wrote:

Victor Sullivan wrote:I almost wish Robinette wouldn't choose, so we could keep on debating and chatting, haha.

-Sully

Well, if this were an opera Robinette would be hit on the head and fall into a deep sleep, waking up healthy but finding she had a rare form of amnesia which erased all of her knowledge of cc yet left the rest of her mind unaffected. Then all could argue over who she was going to choose. I'm betting I could twist the facts enough so that not only would I be one of the chosen players but would also have the privilege of choosing my opponents. Robinette would no longer be a threat for obvious reasons and I would have a solid chance at taking the victory and being lifted and carried on my litter to the reception hall, hailed by the cheers of the masses.

Wait - are you related to a red haired girl that has trouble sleeping?

Idea. If Robinette gave up her seat, then all three of these deserving cases would get a chance to play.

Robinette wrote:Victor Sullivan interrupts Satan... "Sir, I have big news"..

"What is it, Victor? Has AndyDefresne succeeded in helping our dice demons achieved their evil objectives? Have we relocated Seulessliathan to Belgium? Have we quenched more hideous maps? Is my bastard redneck son Koolbak returning my truck?"

"No sir, there was fantastic crash, and all of the posters in the 199 victories thread have been killed"

A jubilant Satan, allowing his quilt of souls to fall to the floor, jumps from his chair and begins to plan excitedly...

"Uh sir, I regret to inform you that not ALL of them are here... some, er.. well... went to... errr... you know, the other pl--"
Victor, having been impaled by Satan's pitchfork, falls to the floor... "I thought funkyterrance assured me we owned them ALL, damn it..." shouts an infuriated Satan.

Janomike steps in to encourage Satan by informing him that 3 of the victims are already ready in the next room, and that other demons were working feverishly to prepare another room for the others.

"FINE! let's see what we've got", Satan replies to Janomike as they approach the specially prepared room.

In the room, we find Woodruff, Tricardinial and Fruitcake. All three guys are a little confused at their present situation. All three are even more startled to see a door in the wall open, and behind the door was perhaps the ugliest woman they had ever seen. She was 3'4", dirty, and you could smell her even over the Fire and Brimstone.

The evil voice of the Devil was heard, "Woofruff, you have sinned!
You are condemned to spend the rest of eternity in bed with this woman!"
And Woodruff was whisked through the door by a group of lesser demons to his eternal torment.

This understandably shook up Tricardinial and Fruitcake, and so they both jumped when a second door opened, and then they saw an even more disgusting example of womanhood gone wrong. She was over 7' tall, monstrous, covered in thick black hair,and flies circled her.
The voice of the Devil was heard, "Tricardinial, you have sinned!
You are condemned to spend the rest of eternity in bed with this woman!"
And Tricardinial, like Woodruff, was whisked off, to spend an even worse eternal torment.

Fruitcake, now alone, felt understandably anxious, and feared the worst when the third door opened. And as the door inched open, he strained to see the figure of the most beautiful woman he had ever laid eyes on, with flowing hair, shapely curves, all in perfect proportion...

Delighted, Fruitcake jumps up, taking in the sight of this beautiful woman, dressed in a skimpy bikini. Then he heard the voice of the Devil saying:
"squishyg, you have sinned...."

Made me guffaw...always a good thing.

Good luck with achieving your 200th win. Though I do worry you are setting yourself up for that most horrendous of eventualities: the extremely public failure. If you lose, one must assume you will create a new thread and no doubt many (not me of course...oh no) will desire to play. But what if you yet again crash and burn with the regularity that only standard escalating players can really achieve? Do you continue with the public thread? Do nasty trolls (not me of course...oh no) start naming you 'hospital case' Robinette? Do you become known as the 'girl who kept losing? I remember your 23 game losing streak. Who could forget it? I wept for you as much as I prayed for your gaming soul. The dice gods were not kind to you then and it was whispered - probably by my more zealous bretheren in the Order of the Naked Dice - that they punished you for your vanity, as well as your promotion of a standard game that has turned risk into but a glorified version of checkers.

Of your 3 remaining candidates may I suggest woodruff for cannon fodder and have the other two face off in a best of 3 on the most unsuitable settings you can find. My suggestion would be freestyle, standard, trench, no cards, fog on Hive.

Mr Changsha wrote:
Made me guffaw...always a good thing.

Good luck with achieving your 200th win. Though I do worry you are setting yourself up for that most horrendous of eventualities: the extremely public failure. If you lose, one must assume you will create a new thread and no doubt many (not me of course...oh no) will desire to play. But what if you yet again crash and burn with the regularity that only standard escalating players can really achieve? Do you continue with the public thread? Do nasty trolls (not me of course...oh no) start naming you 'hospital case' Robinette? Do you become known as the 'girl who kept losing? I remember your 23 game losing streak. Who could forget it? I wept for you as much as I prayed for your gaming soul. The dice gods were not kind to you then and it was whispered - probably by my more zealous bretheren in the Order of the Naked Dice - that they punished you for your vanity, as well as your promotion of a standard game that has turned risk into but a glorified version of checkers.

Of your 3 remaining candidates may I suggest woodruff for cannon fodder and have the other two face off in a best of 3 on the most unsuitable settings you can find. My suggestion would be freestyle, standard, trench, no cards, fog on Hive.

It's good fun raining on a parade isn't it Mr.?

Funkyterrance wrote:

Mr Changsha wrote:
Made me guffaw...always a good thing.

Good luck with achieving your 200th win. Though I do worry you are setting yourself up for that most horrendous of eventualities: the extremely public failure. If you lose, one must assume you will create a new thread and no doubt many (not me of course...oh no) will desire to play. But what if you yet again crash and burn with the regularity that only standard escalating players can really achieve? Do you continue with the public thread? Do nasty trolls (not me of course...oh no) start naming you 'hospital case' Robinette? Do you become known as the 'girl who kept losing? I remember your 23 game losing streak. Who could forget it? I wept for you as much as I prayed for your gaming soul. The dice gods were not kind to you then and it was whispered - probably by my more zealous bretheren in the Order of the Naked Dice - that they punished you for your vanity, as well as your promotion of a standard game that has turned risk into but a glorified version of checkers.

Of your 3 remaining candidates may I suggest woodruff for cannon fodder and have the other two face off in a best of 3 on the most unsuitable settings you can find. My suggestion would be freestyle, standard, trench, no cards, fog on Hive.

It's good fun raining on a parade isn't it Mr.?

The name is Changsha. Mr Ching Chong Chop Sooki Karate Changsha. Which means Mr 'in the land of the bloated panda one can never find a matching pair of chopsticks'.

We here in China understand the dangers of a self-inflicted public humiliation. It is all very well being the best at maths, but when one has lingered at the bottom of the global penile average tables for 5000 years one understands the desperate misery of unzipping oneself for public consumption.

For the slow ones at the back, in this analogy Robinette is the penis, the zipper is standard escalating risk while maths has always been and will continue to be a public humiliation.

Interestingly and amazingly also true, while I have a nicely slim 32 inch waist my underwear size here is EXTRA LARGE. This is but one of the many reasons why living in china is tops.

Mr Changsha wrote:
The name is Changsha. Mr Ching Chong Chop Sooki Karate Changsha. Which means Mr 'in the land of the bloated panda one can never find a matching pair of chopsticks'.

We here in China understand the dangers of a self-inflicted public humiliation. It is all very well being the best at maths, but when one has lingered at the bottom of the global penile average tables for 5000 years one understands the desperate misery of unzipping oneself for public consumption.

For the slow ones at the back, in this analogy Robinette is the penis, the zipper is standard escalating risk while maths has always been and will continue to be a public humiliation.

Interestingly and amazingly also true, while I have a nicely slim 32 inch waist my underwear size here is EXTRA LARGE. This is but one of the many reasons why living in china is tops.

Very clever.
However, It makes one ponder on the onion that is Mr. Changsha. if one were to decide to cook you in chop-suey would they peel off the shiny yet decidedly worthless outer skin, sink the blade through and exclaim "Shit, this one rotten!"?

Hmmm will be hard for me as i have no fan group behind me.

Guess i will just have to vote for me then

To play or not,
we need a decision.
I want to win,
this is my mission.
Vote for me,
i need some love.
You will be rewarded
from the heaven above.

i suggest janomike to play

trailman

Mr Changsha wrote:.......... Though I do worry you are setting yourself up for that most horrendous of eventualities: the extremely public failure. If you lose, one must assume you will create a new thread and no doubt many (not me of course...oh no) will desire to play. But what if you yet again crash and burn with the regularity that only standard escalating players can really achieve? Do you continue with the public thread? Do nasty trolls (not me of course...oh no) start naming you 'hospital case' Robinette? Do you become known as the 'girl who kept losing? I remember your 23 game losing streak. Who could forget it? I wept for you as much as I prayed for your gaming soul. The dice gods were not kind to you then and it was whispered - probably by my more zealous bretheren in the Order of the Naked Dice - that they punished you for your vanity, as well as your promotion of a standard game that has turned risk into but a glorified version of checkers..........

Ahhhh... the big 23 losses... nice of you to remember the specific number, lol...
That was a long dark winter... but eventually, spring, however tardy, did return.

Of course, those 23 losses were flanked by wins, so that counts for something...

The point you make is valid to be sure,
but I do not fear defeat, nor even consecutive defeats...
for it is not the final result that i so strongly desire,
nay, rather the weaving and the complexity and the twists to which the crescendo of those final rounds are revealed...

oh, and the chat... naturally, this game should have some delightful chat as well...

.

.

Okay, I have received endorsements for all three...
so there appears to be only one way to settle this...



ROUND ONE...

Contestant number 1... Janomike, what was your favorite Halloween costume, and why?

Contestant number 2... Fruitcake, if you could have dinner with any person from any time, fictional or non-fictional, who would it be, and why?

Contestant number 3... Victor Sullivan, if you could be invisible, where would you go and what would you do?

I'm confused....it seems that Robinette is the pasty-looking Scottish chap in the middle, fruitcake is the desperate chick and the other two are flanking Robinette?

Right?

Question to Robinette: Why one earth would a Scottish person ever expose their chest in a televisual setting?

I believe there are ancient, if perfectly reasonable laws against that, dating back to the signing of the magna carta and involving arrows shot from the top of York castle?

LOL!
Ok, I'm just going to sit back and watch Casanova, AKA Sully, blow them out of the water (Sully is the one on the far right btw).

I've already sent a strongly worded complaint to the global moderators in protest against Robinette flaunting Scottish nipples in the GD forum. Bizarrely the more I zoomed in, the more outraged I became. Finally, I found myself with my nose a cm from the screen and my fury against Scottish nipples was so great that I actually had to take my trousers off.