Conquer Club

AslanTheKing wrote:A guy walks into a restaurant and orders a soup,
The waiter arrives with the bowl of soup and the guest
notices the waiters thumb in the soup and says disgusted

" waiter, you have your thumb in my soup " !!

the waiter replies, " yes sir, but i do have a purulent inflammation on my thumb,
and my doctor told me to keep it nice warm and moist"

so the guest asks " well why dont you stick your thumb then up your arse " ?

the waiter answers " i did sir, until you came and placed your order "

i made a mistake , it was not the thumb, it was the pointing finger, forgive me
( are u laughing now? )

but i remember another true story
an american came into a indian local restaurant in mumbai ( bombay)
and asked if they have hot dogs
the waiter said he will ask the chef and walked to the kitchen,
on the way to the kitchen he stepped on a dogs tail ( the dog was sleeping in front of the kitchenentrance)
and the dog was howling crazy in pain,

as the waiter came back he said " no sir, we dont have hot dogs, but our chef will make it fresh for you "

when the american heard that he was running out of the restaurant

Are there funnier players these days?


i would say No

( there funnier in the way they make there moves, but having a sense of humour, i would say no
after , when did u post this? or people are just too afraid seeming funny)

could that be cause people are suffering big time in daily life?

come on guys, 9/1121 is over,#
are u traumatic? get over it, have a laugh,
after all ( after means anus in german ) ......

Since Herpes left, I haven't encountered a person nearly as funny as him. He was just on a another level.

Crazyirishman wrote:Since Herpes left, I haven't encountered a person nearly as funny as him. He was just on a another level.

I find Saxitoxin funnier. But there's no accounting for taste.

a man is walking on the street,
he sees a woman with her blouse open and her tits are hanging out,

politely the man tells the woman that her blouse is open and her tits are hanging out

the woman screams" oh my god, i forgot my baby in the taxi ! "

An elderly gentleman is walking through the woods.

He's approaching a clearing but notices there's a young couple making out.

The gentleman walks away, so as to not embarrass/interrupt them.

The young lady shouts "oh shit, I left the toaster on at home".




i don't get it



EDIT: dammit my post starts a new page so I'll have to quote the previous post:

AslanTheKing wrote:a man is walking on the street,
he sees a woman with her blouse open and her tits are hanging out,

politely the man tells the woman that her blouse is open and her tits are hanging out

the woman screams" oh my god, i forgot my baby in the taxi ! "

too much XTC

Raptor Jesus wrote:Tell me a funny joke.

Women's rights.

NoSurvivors wrote:

Raptor Jesus wrote:Tell me a funny joke.

Women's rights.

Sorry I got a laugh out of it.

A mathematician and an engineer are sitting next to each other on a long flight. The mathematician leans over to the engineer and asks if he would like to play a fun game. The engineer just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The mathematician persists and explains that the game is real easy and lots of fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me £5. Then you ask me a question, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you £5."
Again, the engineer politely declines and tries to get to sleep. The mathematician, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay me £5, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you £50!"
This catches the engineer's attention, and he sees no end to this torment unless he plays, so he agrees to the game. The mathematician asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"
The engineer doesn't say a word, but reaches into his wallet, pulls out five pounds and hands it to the mathematician Now, it's the engineer's turn. He asks the mathematician "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down on four?"
The mathematician looks up at him with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop and searches all of his references. Frustrated, he sends e-mail to his co-workers but to no avail.
After about an hour, he wakes the engineer and hands him £50. The engineer politely takes the £50 and turns away to try to get back to sleep.
The mathematician then hits the engineer, saying, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down on four?" The engineer calmly pulls out his wallet, hands the mathematician five pounds, and goes back to sleep.

Why can't Johnny talk?

show

A couple of jokes that I find funny.

My wife and I took out life insurance policies on each other — so now it’s just a waiting game.

We danced in the moonlight. I only had eyes for her. She only had eyes for me. We fell over a cliff!

ManBungalow wrote:An elderly gentleman is walking through the woods.

He's approaching a clearing but notices there's a young couple making out.

The gentleman walks away, so as to not embarrass/interrupt them.

The young lady shouts "oh shit, I left the toaster on at home".

this is the funniest joke i have ever heard,
i was laughing for 2 days without break

AslanTheKing wrote:

ManBungalow wrote:An elderly gentleman is walking through the woods.

He's approaching a clearing but notices there's a young couple making out.

The gentleman walks away, so as to not embarrass/interrupt them.

The young lady shouts "oh shit, I left the toaster on at home".

dogging comes to mind don't know why.

After 40 years as a gynaecologist, John decided he had enough money to retire and take up his real love, auto mechanics. He left his practice, enrolled in auto mechanics school, and studied hard. The day of the final exam came and John worried if he would be able to complete the test with the same proficiency as his younger classmates. Most of the students completed their exam in two hours. John, on the other hand, took the entire four hours allotted. The following day, John was delighted and surprised to see a score of 150% for his exam. John spoke to his professor after class. "I never dreamed I could do this well on the exam. How did I earn a score of 150%?" The professor replied, "I gave you 50% for perfectly disassembling the car engine. I awarded another 50% for perfectly reassembling the engine. I gave you an additional 50% for having done all of it through the exhaust ."

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"

The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to f*ck your brains out, and suck your tits dry."

Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"

He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."

Two guys from a village who have the same "reputation" get into an argument over whose penis is longer so they decide they will both sit on the end of dock at the edge of town, unzip and see whose hangs down the furthest.
They both unzip, unravel and the first guy says "Brrr, the water's cold!"
The second guy says "Yeah, deep too!"

kentington wrote:It seems to me that this site has upped the funny meter lately. There is a lot more banter going on.

I have seen a lot of complaints about dice and the usual, but it seems like the communities sense of humor has remained and grown stronger.

Are there funnier people posting these days or am I somehow being enamored by everyone lol?

absolutely not... this forum is nowhere near as vital and entertaining as it was before the admins perma-banned 12 members for absolutely nothing... don't even get me started on Dancing Mustard...-0

owenshooter wrote:

kentington wrote:It seems to me that this site has upped the funny meter lately. There is a lot more banter going on.

I have seen a lot of complaints about dice and the usual, but it seems like the communities sense of humor has remained and grown stronger.

Are there funnier people posting these days or am I somehow being enamored by everyone lol?

absolutely not... this forum is nowhere near as vital and entertaining as it was before the admins perma-banned 12 members for absolutely nothing... don't even get me started on Dancing Mustard...-0

This coming from someone who thinks "the black jesus" is the funniest thing since sliced bread.

Funkyterrance wrote:Two guys from a village who have the same "reputation" get into an argument over whose penis is longer so they decide they will both sit on the end of dock at the edge of town, unzip and see whose hangs down the furthest.
They both unzip, unravel and the first guy says "Brrr, the water's cold!"
The second guy says "Yeah, deep too!"

A african american taxi driver is driving a woman to her home,
when they get there the woman realises that she lost her wallet and money in the bar,
the taxidriver asks her if she can make love to him to pay her drive,
the woman replies that she is still virgin but offers him a blowjob,

the guy answers " naa, i can do that myself"


dont take that as a racial offense, its not - have a laugh, peace bro

Funkyterrance wrote:

owenshooter wrote:

kentington wrote:It seems to me that this site has upped the funny meter lately. There is a lot more banter going on.

I have seen a lot of complaints about dice and the usual, but it seems like the communities sense of humor has remained and grown stronger.

Are there funnier people posting these days or am I somehow being enamored by everyone lol?

absolutely not... this forum is nowhere near as vital and entertaining as it was before the admins perma-banned 12 members for absolutely nothing... don't even get me started on Dancing Mustard...-0

This coming from someone who thinks "the black jesus" is the funniest thing since sliced bread.

never said the black jesus was funny... there is a history there with an old admin, and it is a huge poke... PM me, sometime... learn your CC history, son.. the black jesus has spoken...-the black jesus

owenshooter wrote:

Funkyterrance wrote:

owenshooter wrote:

kentington wrote:It seems to me that this site has upped the funny meter lately. There is a lot more banter going on.

I have seen a lot of complaints about dice and the usual, but it seems like the communities sense of humor has remained and grown stronger.

Are there funnier people posting these days or am I somehow being enamored by everyone lol?

absolutely not... this forum is nowhere near as vital and entertaining as it was before the admins perma-banned 12 members for absolutely nothing... don't even get me started on Dancing Mustard...-0

This coming from someone who thinks "the black jesus" is the funniest thing since sliced bread.

never said the black jesus was funny... there is a history there with an old admin, and it is a huge poke... PM me, sometime... learn your CC history, son.. the black jesus has spoken...-the black jesus

Speaking of pokes, didn't you find the "sliced bread" reference a little off? Consider yourself punked!
But seriously, all the admin that were involved in whatever-it-was have probably moved on to greater things now right? You too just might find shedding the husk of the black Jesus persona to be quite liberating.