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Ask Wolffystyle

Postby Wolffystyle on Thu Apr 30, 2009 10:22 pm

Hello all. My name is Wolffystyle. Well, that isn't really my name. (Imagine if as I was held in front of my parents on the day of my birth they shouted in unison; "Wolffystyle we shall call this, our firstborn.") No, my father was much too busy watching baseball to give a damn, and my mother's bellows drowned out any opportunity for the sane to hear my real name. I shall hereafter be referred to as Wolffystyle, or Wolffy.

That being said, with a little hubris, I open the forum to the general public to grill me with questions, any questions. I will expose myself to all of you! I am a sage. I have your answers. I'll get the first one, the question that has bugging the majority of you, out of the way: "Wolffystyle, what are you wearing right now?" Well, I am wearing Guess pajama bottoms and a Burger King paper-crown. I am wearing nothing else sans a seductive smile; come hither.

So come hither, my lieges, ask away.

Much Love,

Wolffystyle-san


postscript: Here are some sample questions-

"Wolffystyle, how did you get so smart?"
"Wolffystyle, where are you from?"
"Wolffystyle, what happens when you cross-breed a wolf and a fox?"
"Wolffystyle, what is your favorite map?"
"Wolffystyle, how many licks does it take to get to the center of a kit kat?"
"Wolffystyle, this girl in math class keeps looking at me and I want to ask her to the big dance, how should I do it?"
"Wolffystyle, tell me about the time you got near-molested in a Uruguayan supermarket."
"Wolffystyle, true or false?"
"Wolffystyle, I've seen you suggest in game chats that you may have been born with horns. Is this true?"
Last edited by Wolffystyle on Fri Jun 05, 2009 5:05 pm, edited 3 times in total.
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Re: Meet Wolffystyle

Postby Beckytheblondie on Thu Apr 30, 2009 10:42 pm

Hello Wolffystyle!

Question: What sized bra do you wear, and if you don't wear a bra, what size would you wear if you had size C chesticles?
2011-11-07 14:19:43 - StinknLincoln: whoa, what happened?
2011-11-07 14:19:50 - Beckytheblondie: Becky happened
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Re: Meet Wolffystyle

Postby Wolffystyle on Thu Apr 30, 2009 11:02 pm

Beckytheblondie wrote:Hello Wolffystyle!

Question: What sized bra do you wear, and if you don't wear a bra, what size would you wear if you had size C chesticles?


Good question Beckytheblondie, thanks for asking it. The answer may surprise you. I do not wear a bra. However, if I had size C chesticles, I suppose I would buy a 'Bro' (of Seinfeld fame) in size B. If I had chesticles, I suppose that I would like to show them off by wearing tight clothes. This, of course, is purely hypothetical and speculative. Hell, while I know a lot of information, I'm not sure what chesticles are. Please do not tell me. Let me writhe in angst.
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Re: Meet Wolffystyle

Postby bleutofu on Thu Apr 30, 2009 11:47 pm

Is the cup half full or half empty?
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Re: Meet Wolffystyle

Postby anonymousguy54 on Thu Apr 30, 2009 11:48 pm

Wolffystyle, tell me about the time you got near-molested in a Uruguayan supermarket.
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Re: Meet Wolffystyle

Postby Wolffystyle on Fri May 01, 2009 12:03 am

bleutofu wrote:Is the cup half full or half empty?

Good question bleutofu, thanks for asking it. The answer may surprise you. The cup, in fact, is one-third empty, one-third full and one-third impatient from incessantly being asked the same question. The cup, it reminds you, has feelings too and it would like to be asked how its day has gone.
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Re: Meet Wolffystyle

Postby King_Herpes on Fri May 01, 2009 12:18 am

How incredible was it when you first had intercourse with a VO5 shampoo bottle? Is this deviant behavior quintessential of what we should expect from you in times to come?
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Re: Meet Wolffystyle

Postby Mr Changsha on Fri May 01, 2009 12:26 am

I'm intruiged by your meaning of 'near-molested'. Did your admirer aim for the testicles/chesticles and veer wide, or are you considering 'near-molested' to have meant a second base incident? As in while you felt slightly flushed, you considered that you had kept your honour?
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Re: Meet Wolffystyle

Postby Wolffystyle on Fri May 01, 2009 12:37 am

anonymousguy54 wrote:Wolffystyle, tell me about the time you got near-molested in a Uruguayan supermarket.

Good question anonymousguy54, thanks for asking it. The answer may surprise you.

A few years back while on holiday in Uruguay with some of my friends I had a very odd experience. Peculiar as the following tale may sound, it is not a strange as actual events that transpired in that SuperDisco Uruguayan market.

Wearing only board shorts, a t-shirt and sandals, I walked into the store with my friends to buy some essentials (read: beer). I wandered through the aisles as my friends filled up their shopping cart. As we paid and began to venture back out into the sun, I was interrupted by tapping on my shoulder. I turned around to find a rather tiny and gaunt security guard glaring at me. In Spanish he told me that I was a crook and that I must follow him to the back room. Fearing his nightstick, (and here's some foreshadowing), while not realizing that this stick would be the least deserving of my worries, I obliged. I followed into the back room where he slammed the door on me, stared me in the eyes and told me that I was a criminal and that I had stolen something. Well, I hadn't stolen a thing and I attempted to explain this is Spanish.

"What have I stolen? I have nothing!" I demanded.
The guard remained quite observant and still, then he lowered his stare towards my shorts; "It's in your pants" he said.
"Look, friend," I said, "I am wearing swim trunks. There is no room for anything in here. Look, no pockets! See! There is nothing here except for," and I'm shocked I had the opportunity to use this word in Spanish conversation, "my PENIS!"
"It's okay," he whispered.
"No! It's not okay!| I argued.
"Take off your pants or I will call the police, " He threatened.
"Please! Please call the police. I have nothing."
We sat in lengthy silence.
"Well?" I asked, "Are you going to let me go?"
"No!" he said as he reached towards my waistline. I jumped back and lunged for the door. He slammed it on my fingers.
"Let me go!" I shouted.
"It is okay. I will not hurt you. You are safe." He attempted to reassure me.
"You are crazy!" I laughed, "Let me go!"
"I will call the police and you will be sent to jail." He said.
"No, you will be sent to jail, creep." We sat in more silence.
With my hands covering my waist and my senses alert, I scowled back at this tiny, mustachioed security guard until he called in his manager. The two of them spoke aside for a moment and the manager requested that I leave immediately before he call the police. I ran out of the store to find my friends outside.

"What happened?" they asked me.
"You don't want to know." I concluded.
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Re: Meet Wolffystyle

Postby Wolffystyle on Fri May 01, 2009 12:47 am

King_Herpes wrote:How incredible was it when you first had intercourse with a VO5 shampoo bottle? Is this deviant behavior quintessential of what we should expect from you in times to come?

Good question King_Herpes, thanks for asking it. The answer may surprise you.

'Incredible' fails to describe how it felt when, after hours of heavy petting and dry-humping, the bottle of VO5 shampoo succumbed to my advances. The noun I would use is: RAPTURE*

Here's a hint. Try to speak French to a bottle of V05. You may deceive it into thinking that you're a Paul Mitchell bottle or a Parisian premium brand. This will speed up your efforts.

This behavio(u)r is, indeed, the quintessence of who I am; of what I want to be.

* Please note that this was consensual and that the root word of Rapture (Latin: Rapere) which is also the root for the word RAPE has nothing to do with my VO5 experience.
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Re: Meet Wolffystyle

Postby Wolffystyle on Fri May 01, 2009 12:49 am

Mr Changsha wrote:I'm intruiged by your meaning of 'near-molested'. Did your admirer aim for the testicles/chesticles and veer wide, or are you considering 'near-molested' to have meant a second base incident? As in while you felt slightly flushed, you considered that you had kept your honour?


Good question Mr Changsha, thanks for asking it. You'll find the answer to your questions above.

Another way to be nearly-molested is to let the potential attacker on touch one chesticle in rapture. Two chesticles and it's officially assault. Know this. It may help you in court one day.
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Re: Meet Wolffystyle

Postby King_Herpes on Fri May 01, 2009 12:52 am

Wolffystyle wrote:
King_Herpes wrote:How incredible was it when you first had intercourse with a VO5 shampoo bottle? Is this deviant behavior quintessential of what we should expect from you in times to come?

Good question King_Herpes, thanks for asking it. The answer may surprise you.

'Incredible' fails to describe how it felt when, after hours of heavy petting and dry-humping, the bottle of VO5 shampoo succumbed to my advances. The noun I would use is: RAPTURE*

Here's a hint. Try to speak French to a bottle of V05. You may deceive it into thinking that you're a Paul Mitchell bottle or a Parisian premium brand. This will speed up your efforts.

This behavio(u)r is, indeed, the quintessence of who I am; of what I want to be.

* Please note that this was consensual and that the root word of Rapture (Latin: Rapere) which is also the root for the word RAPE has nothing to do with my VO5 experience.


Thank you for your rigorous honesty, but what the people really want to know here is... Were there any animals harmed in the testing of this rapture and is this an eco-friendly shampoo that you were using? Please don't mitigate the importance of these concerns, we have a right to know!
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Re: Meet Wolffystyle

Postby Wolffystyle on Fri May 01, 2009 12:56 am

King_Herpes wrote:Thank you for your rigorous honesty, but what the people really want to know here is... Were there any animals harmed in the testing of this rapture and is this an eco-friendly shampoo that you were using? Please don't mitigate the importance of these concerns, we have a right to know!


King_Herpes, this is one question that I cannot answer without consultation with my lawyer. I will assure you however, that we are taking all steps and precautions into assuring that no more hamsters will be harmed during all future raptures. Uh, I think that I may have already said too much... :-$
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Re: Meet Wolffystyle

Postby whitestazn88 on Fri May 01, 2009 3:42 am

wolffystyle, whitestazn88 here, what are you initial reactions to the currently labeled level 5 possible pandemic Influenza A (H1N1), also known as swine flu (although inappropriately labeled, which caused the egyptian government to kill 300,000 pigs)?

in your guestimation, how good of dice do you think this infection will have against the world? straight 6s? or will the humans roll back with a horrifying double 6 to stomp this disease back to the stone age along with polio, mumps, tetanus, SARS (hah), avian flu, and herpes?

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Re: Meet Wolffystyle

Postby azezzo on Fri May 01, 2009 7:35 am

Wolffystyle, i'm glad to hear that your uraguain vacation went well, but i also heard that back in high school your gym coach, mr. woodruff would routinely leer at you in the boys shower and one time was over zealous with his use of the paddle with you when you refused his advances, why do you think that you are the target for these advances, perhaps they are seeing something in you that you have yet to accept. Perhaps you should explore this further.
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