Ask Wolffystyle

[natty dread]

Blood is not a functional lubricant, AoG!

really? i really think its a bit more slippery whenever aunt flo is in town..

/

Nope, blood is the exact opposite of a lubricant... you see, there's this thing known as coagulation. It's the same thing that prevents all your blood from leaking out whenever you get a paper cut.

Perhaps your woman is just a blood fetishist and gets all wet from the idea of fucking on her period?

[anonymus]

Blood is not a functional lubricant, AoG!

really? i really think its a bit more slippery whenever aunt flo is in town..

/

Nope, blood is the exact opposite of a lubricant... you see, there's this thing known as coagulation. It's the same thing that prevents all your blood from leaking out whenever you get a paper cut.

Perhaps your woman is just a blood fetishist and gets all wet from the idea of fucking on her period?

that might be it.. but then again aren't we all..

on a side note; would that also mean that the blood from someone with hemophilia will work as a grade A lubricant?

/

[natty dread]

Well, there's only one way to find out, isn't there?

[anonymus]

Well, there's only one way to find out, isn't there?

yes that is true.. ASK WOLFFYSTYLE! so? would it?

/

[Wolffystyle]

Since you posted on my wall, I must ask this question.... Do I know you outside of CC?

Also, you have a very nice screen name.

What wonder! A welcomed inquiry! Greetings to this thread for the poor, the tired, the weak, and for the lurkers. The answer to your question, when framed in the existence of an infinite universe, will surprise you!

Xenowolff, we actually know each other. We know one another very well; I am your father and now you must join the Dark Side. I am typing all this to you telepathically. No one else can read this. Together we can overthrow Emperor Palpatine and rule the Empire. So whaddya say? Join me? Buddy? How's about it?

Also, you have a very nice jawline. You must have good genes.

[Wolffystyle]

how has this not been moved yet

Targetman377, please advise me as to what the pronoun in your sentence refers? Do you ask about the global economy or your penis? I will answer immediately.

Oh wolffy, he is clearly talking about his penis. Any time someone leaves a naked pronoun like "this" in their question, it must, by default, refer to reproductive organs.

Lubawski, you are the English teacher I never had. Thank you! I would feel more at home if your notes were handwritten in scrappy and illegible red ink; if you wrote "DQN'T EVN TR7!" atop my posts. They would be excited if you would follow me around the forums and grade every post. Also, I was talking about my private parts in the last sentence. That was really hard. But you like it.

[Wolffystyle]

Has wolfystyle found his mate? Or is he still searching for miss cougarstyle?

Mr. Swimmerdude99, the community thanks your for your interest in Mr. wolfystyle's love life, but Mr. wolfystyle (one f, lowercase w) is not real; he was invented by the greeting card companies.

You see, along time ago, the Hegemony of the International Greeting Cards met in a secret underground lair (fit with torches and gargoyles and torture devices and whatnot, you get the picture) and devised a secret plan to create a wolfystyle to increase the global demand for greeting cards. Creating a salient image of a lone wolf, forever without mate, in the public's eyes quadrupled sales and pushed the United E-Card Conglomerate back into the red, 'where those hacks belonged'.

Because of this collusion, wolfystyle will forever be trapped and alone, buried deep inside of web of corporate lies, theft, and sappy 'Congratulations on not catching my Shingles' themed cards.

Miss cougarstyle was destined for a great mating cycle with Mr. wolfystyle, and when she was left unfulfilled she mauled and ate 3.5 school children in southern Colorado. But you don't see this information on the H.I.G.C.'s agenda, do you?

[jj3044]

... are you back?!?!

If so...

[Victor Sullivan]

Dear Wolffystyle,

Do you think the "Wild Things" are in "Where The Wild Things Are" or "General Discussion"? Or are they elsewhere?

-Sully

[Wolffystyle]

Dear Wolffystyle,

With the talk of mates, love and whatnot. I was curious, what is love? Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me... no more.

A fabulous question Ninja Champion, and, as always, thanks for asking. I know that your question was asked in September 2011 but, even in our post-apocalyptic world of 2012, it remains pertinent. Though the talk of mates, love and whatnot has all but been buried forever, we still see signs of and evidence to the existence of such things.

2011 was a simpler time when people could freely talk about mates, love, and the all-important inclusive whatnot. The 2012-world is a little bit different, it's more complex, it contains more of this and less of this, and it also has an extra 2 in it's Gregorian year number (So, too does the current year on the Hebrew Calendar). While perplexing and convoluted, 2012 still shows traces of the existence of mates, love and whatnot and you just have to look really, really hard. Look deep. Into my eyes. Oh, I don't know, what can I do. What else can I say, it's up to you. I know we're one, just me and you. I can't go on. Whoa whoa whoa, oooh oooh...

Also, love doesn't exist in any form. Love is simply the name we give to 'the absence of hate'. So, Ninja, I don't hate you. A LOT. I won't hate you forever, and ever, and ever, and ever. I will not hate you until the end of time.

[Wolffystyle]

Dear Wolffystyle,

With the talk of mates, love and whatnot. I was curious, what is love? Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me... no more.

Bless you my favorite Ninja for posting that after just arriving at work and listening to it on the way there. It is fate that we're a team in this great world of risk!

Let Wolffystyle-san ask YOU a question, BYUwonder11, and search deep into your Soul you must. (I am assuming you drive a Kia Soul and that your Haddaway cover mixes are still hiding under its seats somewhere) Which cover version of Haddaway's What Is Love? did you listen to on that fateful morning? Did you listen to this or did you listen to this.

Also, this question is for the Universe: Am I the only one who immediately starts thinking about Shampoo Bottles when I byuwonder what is love?

Universe: "No, King Herpes does too."

[The Voice]

Though the talk of mates, love and whatnot has all but been buried forever, we still see signs of and evidence to the existence of such things.

Is your modifier dangling? If it is, are you just going to let it hang there?

[Wolffystyle]

Dear Wolffystlye,

Where are Ninja's pants?

My forever estranged and star-crossed lover (read: not star-crossed hater (sometimes stylized h8ter)) Denise, with excitement I bask in the brilliance of this question. Thanks for asking it!

I must consult the stars for the answer to this questions. Hold on. Wait. Uh huh. Yep. No. Darnit! Turns out all the stars are crossed.

Now, I must resort to the scientific method to answer this question. My hypothesis is that Ninja's pants are at trapped with a genie on a deserted island. My null hypothesis is that Ninja never had pants in the first place.

Unfortunately, my mom won't let me conduct science experiments in her basement anymore so I'll have to construct a moving lab in a friend's parent's RV. Let's see. Two drops magnesium... one gallon mercury... a dash of paprika...

...add two snail's tails,
and the song of twenty whales,
the kidneys of a viscous Vampire Bat,
finish with the filmography of actor Benjamin Bratt...

Let sit for 24 hours and I'll have my conclusions tomorrow. Check back. I'd advise Ninja to check back too, as he's probably a bit chilly.

[Agent 86]

Wolf, I need to ask..did nietzsche really have phone sex with Lack, and if so who got off the most ?

http://www.conquerclub.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=170266

Just curious to see if it really happened


86

[ljex]

why did you elect to stop beginning the answer to every question with

Good question _______(insert players username here), thank you for asking it. The answer may surprise you.

[natty dread]

Dear Wolffystyle,

We only see the side of you that's funny and makes these funny little "Ask Alice" -type threads on GD. We see the facade you put on for the masses, the one that says "hey, it's all fun and games over here". But who are you beneath the surface? What makes you happy? What makes you sad? What are your hopes and dreams?

Who is the Real Wolffystyle?

Sincerely,
Curious Reader

[Wolffystyle]

Wolffstyle? Me observes a prune alike projection amidst your midriff. What trickery is this?

What a good question, Findolphin, thanks for asking it. The answer may surprise you.

First, on behalf of Lubawski and the entire Conquer Club community, I thank you for using a naked pronoun in your question. This allows us to talk about your reproductive organs.

Second, I look at your observation. Understanding the context to this question is vitally important to solving it. You're a dolphin. Ye hath descried a prune alike projection amidst my midriff whilst I was bathing in wherever it is that dolphins also bathe. A water theme park, maybe? Swaziland? I'm gonna guess we were under water.

Third, I reference this earlier post where I explain that I do not have a belly button. It is a weakness. Therefore, this prune alike projection couldn't have been something as gross as an Owenator's outtie. No, it must've been flotsam, jetsam, or a prune itself, floating between your line of dolphin-sight and my midriff.

Finally, on to your naked pronoun and question. THAT is not a function of trickery, but rather increased blood flow due to arousal. It's science. And most likely occurred when you saw flotsam amidst my midriff.

[Denise]

Dear Wolffystlye,

Where are Ninja's pants?

My forever estranged and star-crossed lover (read: not star-crossed hater (sometimes stylized h8ter)) Denise, with excitement I bask in the brilliance of this question. Thanks for asking it!

I must consult the stars for the answer to this questions. Hold on. Wait. Uh huh. Yep. No. Darnit! Turns out all the stars are crossed.

Now, I must resort to the scientific method to answer this question. My hypothesis is that Ninja's pants are at trapped with a genie on a deserted island. My null hypothesis is that Ninja never had pants in the first place.

Unfortunately, my mom won't let me conduct science experiments in her basement anymore so I'll have to construct a moving lab in a friend's parent's RV. Let's see. Two drops magnesium... one gallon mercury... a dash of paprika...

...add two snail's tails,
and the song of twenty whales,
the kidneys of a viscous Vampire Bat,
finish with the filmography of actor Benjamin Bratt...

Let sit for 24 hours and I'll have my conclusions tomorrow. Check back. I'd advise Ninja to check back too, as he's probably a bit chilly.

Dear Wolffystyle,

Please be careful. The unpredictable results of that same concoction is what enabled Pastor Samuel to track me and nearly be the instrument of my demise, back in 1692. I barely escaped Massachusetts with my life. I do appreciate your willingness to attempt such a risky experiment on my behalf. When you have the answer (and the pants), please meet me behind the huge old Elm tree about 1/2 mile east of the open field with that little stream running thru it? <<< my question. Don't tell Ninja! He owes me his share of DECSF*, and I need some leverage.

Forever your forever estranged and star-crossed lover,

Denise

* Denise's Emergency Clothing & Shoe Fund

[Army of GOD]

Dear Wolffystyle,

what's the best way to ask natty dread out?

Love, anonymous

[Pirlo]

Dear Wolffystyle,

What should I do if my penis got itchy in public? like in an overcrowded metro!!!

[donkeymile]

Dear Wolffystyle,

A couple of question I'd like to ask, and beg for the mercy of your wisdom to bestow itself upon them.

Last night I blasted a blank CD in my apartment. Why did the mime next door go crazy?????

Secondly, Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

And last, for now ....

A massless box is being pulled up a frictionless incline at an angle of 40º above the horizontal by a tensionless string wrapped around a massless pulley. A forceless tug is exerted on the tensionless string, causing a directionless acceleration of 3.8 turkeys per cantaloupe squared. If the massless box travels 7.293x10^0 microdoodles, what time will it be in England when the prime minister next says the word "hopscotch?"

[Agent 86]

It's simple he is inundated with questions and he is god..take a card and join the queue..

86

[Wolffystyle]

Wolfy, do you know what 'the big one' that bruce is so coyly keeping to himself refers to?

Crazyirishman, a good question, thanks for asking it. The answer june surprise you.

Bruceswar had openly touted major changes in October of 2011 and he left the conquer club community with many questions, great impatience and, sexy speculation.

Wolffystyle must admit that he, himself, was amid the tumult when he guessed that Bruceswar was referring to second big bang creating a second coexistent universe or resulting in the destruction of the present universe. When Wolffystyle asked the stars, they locked their lips and threw away the keys. This only added to the expectancy.

Well, hindsight, as the Northern Irish say, is 20/20, and we've found out that Bruce was actually talking about the European Debt Crisis with specific regard to the Prime Ministry appointment of Grecian Lucas Papademos. What hadn't been exposed was that Bruceswar IS Lucas Papademos.

Foreshadowing can be seen here and here. Bruce (a.k.a. Big Bad Papa Demos) wanted the conquer club community to know that he would be heading the Greek rally out of debt in the fourth quarter of 2011. The 3D Cube is obviously a reference to Greek's exaggeration of it's debt levels.

Congratulations to Bruceswar and to his entire sovereign Greek nation. May you prosper in the near future.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(tl;dr) "The Big One" Bruce was referring to was his penis.

[Wolffystyle]

Dear Wolffystyle,

you're trapped on a deserted island with me. Would you:

(a) have sex with me?
(b) kill me and then have sex with me, using my blood as lubricant?
(c) take the physical challenge?

Blood is not a functional lubricant, AoG!

on a side note; would that also mean that the blood from someone with hemophilia will work as a grade A lubricant?/

Well, there's only one way to find out, isn't there?

yes that is true.. ASK WOLFFYSTYLE! so? would it?/

Uhhhhh, good questions (read: scary questions) anonymus, natty dread and Army of GOD, thanks for asking them. I'm sure the answers won't surprise you.

Grouping this entire conversation into one thread is a good decision. Throwing it into the rubbish would have been a better decision, but Wolffy doesn't do that. Wolffy rescues questions from compost piles, trash bins, from hiding under rocks, from the bellies of great whales, from internet forums and from inside the minds of little boy's heads (all these places are NOT MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE).

So digging deep inside the rubbish bin in the belly of the whale which lies inside your young minds as you type in an internet forum as you lay with worms and dirt under a small rock, I have found the answers to your questions. My hands are as dirty as your minds.

Army, I have chosen (c) take the physical challenge. The physical challenge, we all knew, was 'Don't kill Army of GOD while having sex with him and still using his blood as lubricant'.

From this experience (read: rapturous ravaging romp) I have found the answer to your questions. It does turn out that AoG has hemophilia and that his blood worked as grade A lubricant. The lack of clotting mixed with the warmth of...well... Wolffy doesn't kiss and tell. So I'll leave a lot up to your imagination, which, if it's hiding under a rock, in a trash bin, or navigating the belly of an online whale, will be quite accurate.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(tl;dr) Having bloody sex with a hemophile is quite dangerous and rapturous. DO NOT TRY IT AT HOME. Try it on a deserted island.

[Wolffystyle]

Dear Wolffystlye,

Where are Ninja's pants?

...Let sit for 24 hours and I'll have my conclusions tomorrow. Check back. I'd advise Ninja to check back too, as he's probably a bit chilly.

Dear Wolffystyle,

Please be careful. The unpredictable results of that same concoction is what enabled Pastor Samuel to track me and nearly be the instrument of my demise, back in 1692. I barely escaped Massachusetts with my life. I do appreciate your willingness to attempt such a risky experiment on my behalf. When you have the answer (and the pants), please meet me behind the huge old Elm tree about 1/2 mile east of the open field with that little stream running thru it? <<< my question. Don't tell Ninja! He owes me his share of DECSF*, and I need some leverage.

Forever your forever estranged and star-crossed lover,

Denise

* Denise's Emergency Clothing & Shoe Fund

Good question, Benise, thank you for asking it. The answer may surprise you.

Brop made. Reab the note dackwarbs dut replace all the bs with ds and ds with bs (I screweb something up). Sorry the pants were a dit "moist". If you folb the pants up compactly and tightly you may de adle to webge them unber your caulbron at the Coven to use them as abbed leverage. Spilling the contents of your caulbron onto Ninja Champion will bowngrabe him to Ninja Runner Up and when you boudle tap R2 you can steal his golb and use it to funb the solutions to other BECSF mysteries.

Like, what is still in Deckythedlondie's pants, or why is that man wearing a dright red cowboy hat and leopard print jock strap, or how bib I get ketchup on my febora?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(tl;br) I cannot share where Ninja's pants were. Benise has them now. They are safe. Bo not reab this sentence if you're byslexic.