not all New Zealanders are jocks like Lootifer

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not all New Zealanders are jocks like Lootifer

Postby saxitoxin on Tue Jun 18, 2013 1:30 pm

Before the 12-hour flight from New Zealand to Seattle, I was advised to immerse myself in the American way of life. The tips were simple: Eat a bagel, buy some track pants from Abercrombie and Fitch and get to a baseball game. The latter recommendation proved more challenging than I had anticipated.

When I checked into my hotel last Saturday, I asked the concierge about any upcoming baseball games. He told me the local team was the Mariners, they were playing on Tuesday night and tickets were about $20.

A few blocks away, I felt comfortable enough to fold up my pocket map and follow the tide of fans.

The colossal stadium appeared, and I asked a friendly traffic cop where to buy tickets. He pointed to a scalper with a cardboard sign hanging from his neck. The scalper must have smelt my naivety. He was yelling at me before I even made it across the road – “I have your tickets Miss”– and his spit landed on my cheek. He offered me a $110 seat. I said I wanted the $20 version. We settled on $50. I was feeling rather proud of my haggling skills as I was shepherded into the stadium.

Despite his lack of enthusiasm, I was amping for the game. Coming from New Zealand, where the only exposure to baseball is in Hollywood movies, I had rather romantic notions of the sport.

When I finally found my section, row and seat number, I sat down with relief, put my plastic cup of Diet Coke in the holder and looked out at the field. Lo and behold, a bunch of soccer players were dancing around a football.

“Huh? Isn’t this supposed to be baseball? Where is the bat?” I said aloud.

The American girl next to me looked over and raised her manicured eyebrows. I gingerly continued: “Is this the pre-entertainment for the baseball or something?”

She laughed in my face, nudged the friend next to her, who told the friend next to her. Once the laughter died down, they explained there was a baseball game on at the local stadium down the road, but that I was most definitely at the soccer match.

I tried to scrape together some degree of dignity. “Oh, bugger,” I said. “Well, anyway, now that I am here, who is Seattle playing tonight?”

Once again, hysterical laughter. “This is the national team,” the girl said. “If we win this game, we go through to the FIFA World Cup.”

There was clearly no redemption from this. It was official – I was the most ignorant sports fan in the stadium. I slunk down in my seat and looked around at the swarming mass of red. I did not land myself at just any soccer match, this was the FIFA World Cup qualifier between the United States and Panama.

http://blogs.seattletimes.com/take2/201 ... cmpid=2628

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Re: not all New Zealanders are jocks like Lootifer

Postby BigBallinStalin on Tue Jun 18, 2013 1:34 pm

It's as if she's from a jungle island, totally removed from the rest of the world.
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Re: not all New Zealanders are jocks like Lootifer

Postby Army of GOD on Tue Jun 18, 2013 1:48 pm

fake New Zealander

The fervor was contagious. I found myself screaming, jumping and “awwwwing”along with the masses, even though I had no idea what I was yelling about. It was bestial and glorious at the same time.

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Re: not all New Zealanders are jocks like Lootifer

Postby AndyDufresne on Tue Jun 18, 2013 2:51 pm

I'd be confused if I ended up a soccer match too.


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Re: not all New Zealanders are jocks like Lootifer

Postby john9blue on Wed Jun 19, 2013 12:19 am

saxitoxin wrote:a bunch of soccer players were dancing around a football.


oh come on, lady. you can't just switch in the same sentence like that.
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Re: not all New Zealanders are jocks like Lootifer

Postby saxitoxin on Wed Jun 19, 2013 12:27 am

john9blue wrote:
saxitoxin wrote:a bunch of soccer players were dancing around a football.


oh come on, lady. you can't just switch in the same sentence like that.


I compliment the smell of your ball sweat and you respond by calling me "lady"?

WELL EFF YOU, TOO, JOHN9BLUE :x
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Re: not all New Zealanders are jocks like Lootifer

Postby nietzsche on Wed Jun 19, 2013 12:27 am

that's some lonely lady..
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Re: not all New Zealanders are jocks like Lootifer

Postby thegreekdog on Thu Jun 20, 2013 7:08 am

I'm not sure what the Mariners play is really baseball, in the strictest sense of the term.
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Re: not all New Zealanders are jocks like Lootifer

Postby notyou2 on Thu Jun 20, 2013 11:26 am

Abercrombie and Fitch sweat pants????? I hope she isn't fat.
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Re: not all New Zealanders are jocks like Lootifer

Postby Lootifer on Sun Jul 07, 2013 4:43 pm

How did I miss this.

And I can understand her mistake, I thought baseball was like football/soccer in the UK; wait in line for years in order to attend a live match... So naturally id follow the crowds too (though I would look at the ticket prior to purchase...).
I go to the gym to justify my mockery of fat people.
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Re: not all New Zealanders are jocks like Lootifer

Postby betiko on Mon Jul 08, 2013 4:31 pm

I d feel the same if i suddenly decided to go to some fashion catwalk show and ended up in a topperware reunion.
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Re: not all New Zealanders are jocks like Lootifer

Postby tzor on Mon Jul 08, 2013 7:00 pm

You should have heard the "Musical Island Boys" quartet at the Barbershop Harmony Society's International Convention. A group that all New Zealanders can be proud of!
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Re: not all New Zealanders are jocks like Lootifer

Postby Lootifer on Mon Jul 08, 2013 7:08 pm

As a crude generalisation polynesian folk tend to have great musical range and quality.
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Re: not all New Zealanders are jocks like Lootifer

Postby Funkyterrance on Tue Jul 09, 2013 1:22 am

Who the hell bumped this ffs?
Anyway, I'm still confused about the bagel part. Where do you even buy a single bagel? They always come in a roll from my experience. Btw, what's with the fixation of bagels anyway of all things? Didn't saxi make a post about burying his hilt into a woman who smelled of bagels at one point when he was fresh off the boat? That's very specific to his particular integration into the US though, I can't imagine a lot of newcomers have that very same experience, certain not this woman.
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Re: not all New Zealanders are jocks like Lootifer

Postby Lootifer on Wed Jul 10, 2013 3:32 am

Residents of small island nations jizz their pants over weird shit... Surprising? Methinks no.
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