Conquer Club

Posted: **Tue Jul 09, 2013 12:52 am**

How often does Lootifer actually make fun of fat people?

Posted: **Tue Jul 09, 2013 6:21 am**

how fat are you?

Posted: **Tue Jul 09, 2013 6:35 am**

I was at the Mount Morris dam a few days ago, and there was a sign in the bathroom saying "Please don't throw trash in the toilet. It is extremely difficult to remove."

And I thought, "You're the fucking U.S. Army Corps of Engineers, for Christ's sakes! You can change the course of entire rivers, but you find it 'extremely difficult' to remove a plastic bag from a latrine?!?!"

Posted: **Tue Jul 09, 2013 10:14 am**

Dukasaur wrote:I was at the Mount Morris dam a few days ago, and there was a sign in the bathroom saying "Please don't throw trash in the toilet. It is extremely difficult to remove."

And I thought, "You're the fucking U.S. Army Corps of Engineers, for Christ's sakes! You can change the course of entire rivers, but you find it 'extremely difficult' to remove a plastic bag from a latrine?!?!"

you go to public toilets to sniff stuff?

Posted: **Tue Jul 09, 2013 3:37 pm**

Dukasaur wrote:I was at the Mount Morris dam a few days ago, and there was a sign in the bathroom saying "Please don't throw trash in the toilet. It is extremely difficult to remove."

And I thought, "You're the fucking U.S. Army Corps of Engineers, for Christ's sakes! You can change the course of entire rivers, but you find it 'extremely difficult' to remove a plastic bag from a latrine?!?!"

They're just tired of hearing the janitors complain.

Posted: **Tue Jul 09, 2013 4:30 pm**

BigBallinStalin wrote:
Dukasaur wrote:I was at the Mount Morris dam a few days ago, and there was a sign in the bathroom saying "Please don't throw trash in the toilet. It is extremely difficult to remove."

And I thought, "You're the fucking U.S. Army Corps of Engineers, for Christ's sakes! You can change the course of entire rivers, but you find it 'extremely difficult' to remove a plastic bag from a latrine?!?!"

They're just tired of hearing the janitors complain.

Plot twist: Dukasaur is actually a janitor at the Mount Morris dam.

Posted: **Tue Jul 09, 2013 8:56 pm**

Plot Twist? Is this the Twilight Zone? I've started to watch the original Twilight Zone again on Netflix. Pretty sure I've seen every episode randomly, but now it is fun to watch an episode every couple of days.

--Andy

Posted: **Wed Jul 10, 2013 3:00 am**

What do you do when you have diarhea, you quickly run to the bar s toilet and you discover that:

-there is no paper
-there is no lock and other people are trying to get in
- there is no toilet seat
- fucking hell if you don t drop your pants now you ll be shitting yourself!!!!

Posted: **Wed Jul 10, 2013 7:27 am**

betiko wrote:What do you do when you have diarhea, you quickly run to the bar s toilet and you discover that:

-there is no paper
Common scenario, actually. Most women carry napkins in their purse, but for men it becomes more problematic. Hopefully you have your latest paycheque or something equally worthless still sitting around in your pocket.
-there is no lock and other people are trying to get in
That's not a real problem. Just yell "f*ck off!" at everyone who comes through the door. Most of them are as embarrassed as you are and will comply promptly.
- there is no toilet seat
If you've ever been to Spain (where most places don't have toilet seats, ever, except really expensive places), you know that's not a problem either. You ride the opposite sides of the toilet like the pegs on a motorcycle.
- fucking hell if you don t drop your pants now you ll be shitting yourself!!!!

Posted: **Wed Jul 10, 2013 8:14 am**

Dukasaur wrote:
betiko wrote:there is no toilet seat

If you've ever been to Spain (where most places don't have toilet seats, ever, except really expensive places), you know that's not a problem either. You ride the opposite sides of the toilet like the pegs on a motorcycle.

Yeah, in Italy most of the outhouses where we played our baseball games were just holes in the ground with, no kidding, two footprint-markings on the ground on either side of the hole. You just squatted and did your business that way (which I've heard is actually better for your innards).

Posted: **Wed Jul 10, 2013 1:05 pm**

Dukasaur wrote:
betiko wrote:What do you do when you have diarhea, you quickly run to the bar s toilet and you discover that:

-there is no paper
Common scenario, actually. Most women carry napkins in their purse, but for men it becomes more problematic. Hopefully you have your latest paycheque or something equally worthless still sitting around in your pocket.
-there is no lock and other people are trying to get in
That's not a real problem. Just yell "f*ck off!" at everyone who comes through the door. Most of them are as embarrassed as you are and will comply promptly.
- there is no toilet seat
If you've ever been to Spain (where most places don't have toilet seats, ever, except really expensive places), you know that's not a problem either. You ride the opposite sides of the toilet like the pegs on a motorcycle.
- fucking hell if you don t drop your pants now you ll be shitting yourself!!!!

Ok. I had absolutely no paper and i was drunk. Also there was no water tap. I had to sit in the air aiming the toilet, and put my elbow towards the door with no lock cause a hord of drunk people was trying to get in. It was very hard to both aim and hold the moving door at the same time.
Once my stuff was done what could I do to save the situation? Ok, this is horrible but really no choice. I flushed the toilet 2-3 times, once the water was totally clean i put my hand in it to clean my butt several times, then flushed again to wash my hand. When you get out of this, you feel like you are back from vietnam after being victim of a vietcong gangbang.

Other terrible toilet story.

You are in a classy casino playing cards. You are completely shitting yourself. You run to the men s room, and it s full with some queue. It s clearly not moving fast enough for you to hold. As there are only 2 toilets. You then notice that the women s room is all clear and has an open door. You run to the door and lock yourself in so that no woman sees you. You turn around, and see the fithiest thing: someone just had an explosive shite in there and nuked the place! You are shitting yourself and you are desperate. Then you see below the door that a classy lady with high heels is desperately knocking on your door to get in. What do you do?

Posted: **Wed Jul 10, 2013 4:34 pm**

betiko wrote:You are in a classy casino playing cards. You are completely shitting yourself. You run to the men s room, and it s full with some queue. It s clearly not moving fast enough for you to hold. As there are only 2 toilets. You then notice that the women s room is all clear and has an open door. You run to the door and lock yourself in so that no woman sees you. You turn around, and see the fithiest thing: someone just had an explosive shite in there and nuked the place! You are shitting yourself and you are desperate. Then you see below the door that a classy lady with high heels is desperately knocking on your door to get in. What do you do?

Tear open your shirt so the top two buttons are broken. Leave your pants down, slouch to the side, roll your eyes, and swing the door open. With the most disgusting leer you can manage, throw your arm around her and bellow in her ear, "COME ON IN MY DARLING! I'VE BEEN WAITING SO LONG FOR YOU!"

While she runs off screaming, pull up your pants and make your escape.

Posted: **Wed Jul 10, 2013 5:04 pm**

Dukasaur wrote:
betiko wrote:You are in a classy casino playing cards. You are completely shitting yourself. You run to the men s room, and it s full with some queue. It s clearly not moving fast enough for you to hold. As there are only 2 toilets. You then notice that the women s room is all clear and has an open door. You run to the door and lock yourself in so that no woman sees you. You turn around, and see the fithiest thing: someone just had an explosive shite in there and nuked the place! You are shitting yourself and you are desperate. Then you see below the door that a classy lady with high heels is desperately knocking on your door to get in. What do you do?

Tear open your shirt so the top two buttons are broken. Leave your pants down, slouch to the side, roll your eyes, and swing the door open. With the most disgusting leer you can manage, throw your arm around her and bellow in her ear, "COME ON IN MY DARLING! I'VE BEEN WAITING SO LONG FOR YOU!"

While she runs off screaming, pull up your pants and make your escape.

that's a bit extreme!

In that room there was toilet paper, good news!!! but the explosive shite was all dried up. I started spitting on toilet paper and cleaned up the filthy explosion in full disgust. I put tons of toilet paper everywhere to try sit somewhere and did my thing. The classy lady in front of the door was still shitting herself and kept on knocking. My only hope was to keep playing dead, and eventually to make her shite herself in front of the door, but i really couldn't open and let her see this. Once she left, I waited a little and then zoomed out! I hopefully neversaw the classy lady in high heels (who might have shited herself)

what is your worse public toilet experience duka? :lol:

Posted: **Thu Jul 11, 2013 5:41 am**

This thread has really gone to...shit.

Posted: **Thu Jul 11, 2013 9:05 am**

Woodruff wrote:This thread has really gone to...shit.

This started as a decent conversation about fat people and duka started talking about public toilets, he s the one to blame!

Posted: **Thu Jul 11, 2013 3:52 pm**

betiko wrote:
Woodruff wrote:This thread has really gone to...shit.

This started as a decent conversation about fat people and duka started talking about public toilets, he s the one to blame!

This is just like work! Other people don't know what they're doing and I get in shit!

Posted: **Thu Jul 11, 2013 6:05 pm**

Funkyterrance wrote:How often does Lootifer actually make fun of fat people?

I dont usually, but I am pretty judgemental when it comes to appearance (mostly physique, my dress sense is terrible). I personally feel there is no excuse for [most] people being overweight: sort your shit (topical pun intended).

However my sig isnt really about that. Its more a reflection of how I view the world: You can only really judge something correctly when you have a deep understanding of what you are judging.

On topic: I think that sign on the bog is fine. Seriously people put some dumb shit (again pun intended) down toilets. Never underestimate the stupidity of human beings.

Posted: **Thu Jul 11, 2013 6:07 pm**

Lootifer wrote:
Funkyterrance wrote:How often does Lootifer actually make fun of fat people?

I dont usually, but I am pretty judgemental when it comes to appearance (mostly physique, my dress sense is terrible). I personally feel there is no excuse for [most] people being overweight: sort your shit (topical pun intended).

I have an excuse...I'm lazy as hell when it comes to physical fitness.

Posted: **Thu Jul 11, 2013 8:19 pm**

Yeah but are you out of shape or are you fat fat fatty?

Posted: **Thu Jul 11, 2013 8:21 pm**

Lootifer wrote:Yeah but are you out of shape or are you fat fat fatty?

5'10, 175 - basically just out of shape with a bit of small spare tire.

Posted: **Fri Jul 12, 2013 4:32 pm**

here allow me to change the subject

Boobies!!

Posted: **Fri Jul 12, 2013 7:25 pm**

apey wrote:here allow me to change the subject

Boobies!!

Show me!

Posted: **Fri Jul 12, 2013 9:02 pm**

Dukasaur wrote:
apey wrote:here allow me to change the subject

Boobies!!

Show me!

So you can report him? :lol:

Posted: **Fri Jul 12, 2013 9:04 pm**

betiko wrote:
Dukasaur wrote:
apey wrote:here allow me to change the subject

Boobies!!

Show me!

So you can report him?

I wouldn't, but somebody might. Don't show me!

Posted: **Fri Jul 12, 2013 9:37 pm**

Dukasaur wrote:
betiko wrote:
Dukasaur wrote:
apey wrote:here allow me to change the subject

Boobies!!

Show me!

So you can report him?

I wouldn't, but somebody might. Don't show me!

Show us all but the nipples!

Conquer Club

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