Immigration woes for Canada; good news for USA!

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Immigration woes for Canada; good news for USA!

Postby KoolBak on Thu Jul 20, 2006 7:07 pm

Got this from a friend...

COPY:

From: Ottowa Daily Sun, 6-11-06
Liberal Immigration Creating Problem

Ottawa, Ontario - The flood of American liberals sneaking across the
border into Canada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for
increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration. The unflinching
arrogance of the Bush Administration is prompting the exodus among liberal citizens who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray, and agree with Bill O'Reilly.

Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, animal-rights activists, and Unitarians crossing their fields at night. "I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn," said Manitoba farmer Red
Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota. The producer was cold,
exhausted and hungry. "He asked me if I could spare a latte and some
free-range chicken. When I said I didn't have any, he left. I didn't even
get a chance to show him my screenplay." (The Wolf...LOL!!)

In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences,
but the liberals scaled them. So, he tried installing speakers that blare
Rush Limbaugh across the fields. "Not really effective," he said. "The
liberals still got through, and Rush annoyed the cows so much they wouldn't give milk."

Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons, drive them across the border and leave them to fend for themselves. "A lot of these people are not prepared for rugged conditions," an Ontario border patrolman said. "I found one carload without a drop of drinking water. They did have a pleasant little Napa Valley cabernet, though."

When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often
wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have
been circulating about the Bush administration establishing re-education
camps in which liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch
NASCAR.

Liberals have turned to sometimes-ingenious ways of crossing the border.
Some have taken to posing as senior citizens on bus trips to buy cheap
Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young vegans
disguised in powdered wigs, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior-citizen passengers. "If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we get suspicious about their age," an official said.

Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage and renting all the good Susan Sarandon movies. "I feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can't support them," an Ottawa resident said. "How many art-history majors does one country need?"

In an effort to ease tensions between the United States and Canada, Vice
President Dick Cheney met with the Canadian ambassador and pledged that the administration would take steps to reassure liberals, a source close to Cheney said. "We're going to have some Peter, Paul & Mary concerts, and we might put some endangered species on postage stamps. The president is determined to reach out."
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Postby reverend_kyle on Thu Jul 20, 2006 7:09 pm

Straight from XIGames forum.. haha.
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Postby zarvinny on Thu Jul 20, 2006 7:12 pm

lol
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Postby 2dimes on Thu Jul 20, 2006 7:38 pm

Not bad you could even change this line.

After catching a half-dozen young vegans
disguised in powdered wigs, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior-citizen passengers. "If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we get suspicious about their age," an official said.


To

Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior-citizen passengers. "If they can't identify the lead guitarist from the Rolling Stones, we get suspicious about their age," an official said.


The reason I say that is there's a thread where someone is talking about Keith Richards and a young person didn't have any idea who it was.
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Postby reverend_kyle on Thu Jul 20, 2006 7:56 pm

2dimes wrote:Not bad you could even change this line.

After catching a half-dozen young vegans
disguised in powdered wigs, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior-citizen passengers. "If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we get suspicious about their age," an official said.


To

Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior-citizen passengers. "If they can't identify the lead guitarist from the Rolling Stones, we get suspicious about their age," an official said.


The reason I say that is there's a thread where someone is talking about Keith Richards and a young person didn't have any idea who it was.


What if you are 16 and like the rollingstones... like say me?
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Postby 2dimes on Thu Jul 20, 2006 7:58 pm

Oh sorry, I guess the gag doesn't work then. Jokes are only funny when they are 100% accurate like racist one.
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Postby reverend_kyle on Thu Jul 20, 2006 8:02 pm

2dimes wrote:Oh sorry, I guess the gag doesn't work then. Jokes are only funny when they are 100% accurate like racist one.


I'm actually kidding, it was a pretty funny joke.
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Postby jay_a2j on Thu Jul 20, 2006 10:49 pm

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (and you say there is no God) :wink:
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Postby vtmarik on Fri Jul 21, 2006 1:45 am

jay_a2j wrote:YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (and you say there is no God) :wink:


Good for Canada I say! They've got a bunch more supporters of the eventual annexation of America!

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Postby reverend_kyle on Fri Jul 21, 2006 2:42 am

jay_a2j wrote:YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (and you say there is no God) :wink:
you realize someone just changed select words in an article about illegal immigration into america right?
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