Dear InsomniaRed,
I don't really know how to tell you this, but our romance is over. I think I realized it when I quoted Forest Gump in your closet and I saw you sit on my father. I'm sure you're cowardly enough to understand how that i'm allergic to your earlobes. I'm returning your car to you, but I'll keep your neighbors dog as a memory. You should also know that I always wanted to break your legs and I will haunt you when I’m reincarnated as an Eskimo.
Please don't hurt me,
TFO