Dear

[TheForgivenOne]

Dear InsomniaRed,
I don't really know how to tell you this, but our romance is over. I think I realized it when I quoted Forest Gump in your closet and I saw you sit on my father. I'm sure you're cowardly enough to understand how that i'm allergic to your earlobes. I'm returning your car to you, but I'll keep your neighbors dog as a memory. You should also know that I always wanted to break your legs and I will haunt you when I’m reincarnated as an Eskimo.
Please don't hurt me,
TFO

show: Looky here

[grifftron]

I knew it was fake!

Dear Arthur,
I don't really know how to tell you this, but our romance is over. I think I realized it when your dog humped my leg at the Elton John concert and I saw you pull the clothes off the catholic priest.I'm sure you're open enough to understand that I only get turned on by garbage men. I'm returning your collection of butterflies to you, but I'll keep your mom as a memory. You should also know that I always wanted to break your legs and lead life as a new lemon.
Best of Luck on the sex change,
Ryan

-griff

[spiesr]

Dear mother,
I don't really know how to tell you this, but our romance is over. I think I realized it when we skinny dipped in the bathtub outside of your office and I saw you carve your initials into my salt-beef bucket. I'm sure you're high enough to understand the middle-east is planning their revenge on you. I'm returning your nose hair clippers to you, but I'll keep your mom as a memory. You should also know that I always wanted to break your legs and the apartment building is on fire.
Greetings to your frog Leonard,
spiesr

[Falkomagno]

Dear Valerié

I don't really know how to tell you this, but I'm in love with your cat. I think I realized it when you put cuffs on me at the mental hospital and I saw you carve your initials into your ‘My Little Pony’ collection. I'm sure you're high enough to understand How awful you are. I´m returning your toe ring to you, but I'll keep your neighbors dog as a memory. You should also know that I get sick when I think of your feet and our friendship is ruined.

Warm tingly sensations,

Falcomagno

[Victor Sullivan]

Dear ManBungalow,

I don't really know how to tell you this, but I dislike your eyelashes. I think I realized it when your dwarf bit me outside of your office and I saw you hit on the Catholic priest. I'm sure you're high enough to understand that I'm allergic to your earlobes. I'm returning our matching snoopy underwear to you, but I'll keep your criminal record as a memory. You should also know that I told in my confession today about the moose poaching and I’m off to lead a new life as a lemon.

Please don’t hurt me,

Victor Sullivan

[jonesthecurl]

Dear ex,
fukkoff & die, you smelly bitch.



Is that the sort of thing yer after?