Welcome Comrades to the 53rd edition of the Dispatch
Hello, hello! Victor Sullivan here, and son, I'm not kidding when I say "Army of ONE". Well, the obvious first one is our interrogated user for this issue,
Army of GOD is actually just one person (otherwise it would be 'Account Sharing' and that wouldn't be so friggity fresh, cuz it don't mesh with the Guidelines, yo, you know what I'm sayin'?). Second, yours truly compiled everything this issue to make sure you get your CC News on time! I hope you enjoy the issue as much as all of us have putting it together
Victor Sullivan -
Your "Phunky Phresh" Newsletter Executive If you would like to apply to join the news team, please visit the thread below for more details!
Click here for Recruitment Details... Welcome to my last issue as Freestyle Executive. It's been fun doing double-duty, getting to interrogate people and the like, but you are in good, if not, better hands for issues to come, as our beloved Freestyle Writer,
safariguy5 will be taking over as Freestyle Executive. And, conveniently, we have a Mess Hall jam-packed with safariguy5, as he informs with another "Advanced Roles and Strategy" and another "Current Events". Plus, we have the ever-anticipated interrogation of
Army of GOD !
Victor SullivanFreestyle Executive Advanced Roles and Strategy by safariguy5 show
This week, we talk about two common mafia tacticsSubmarining and OMGUS What is it? Example How to Use this Strategy
Current Events by safariguy5 show
The War of the Light Blue cyan and others teal .Click image to enlarge.
show: interrogation of army of god
Q. Hello! Hey Victor Derpigan! GOD JOB!!! LOL/JK, sorry gang! Just shakin' out the sillies! saxitoxin wrote: WOODRUFF!!!!!!
Q. What is your favorite part of CC? Currently, it's the forums. I'm not as into the games as I used to be. Except the forums are starting to suck because now it's all "owenshooter is innocent!" or a generic thread about homosexuality. Q. If you were to be a mod, to which mod team would you most like to belong and why? Admins, no doubt. I'm a man of power. Q. Have you considered venturing into other parts of the forums? Whoever asked this question is pretty ignorant. I'm pretty sure I have a post in every forum, bar a few international forums. Q. Which one(s), and why? The Dutch forum, because I'm pretty sure that's where Snorri is hiding Q. On a scale ranging from -100 to AoG, how epic will this interview be? 3i *e Q. WHERE'S THE FUCKING MONEY SHIIITHEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAADDDD???? Why are you letting nag ask me questions? Q. Which pony is your favorite? The one that takes off its clothes Q. Are you an ass or breast man? I'm a wing man, to be honest Q. Of the following, who would you kill kick in the balls, have sex with, and marry? BigBallinStalin, saxitoxin, TA1LGUNN3R. Have sex with all three, kick self in balls and marry my pet cat Q. Is there anyone you model yourself off of, personality wise? Gandhi Q. How about physically? tdans Q. Have you ever wanted to be a model, either the fashion-runway kind or a living statue sort of model? Is Andy giving you free banana-flavored blowjobs for allowing so many of his questions through? Q. TheSaxlad or Victor Sullivan? Kill both, have sex with Robinette, marry AndyD Q. What's your exact height in metric centimeters (or millimeters, whichever is more appropriate)? 14 yottameters Q. If your family ever buys shoes, what brand will you pick? Shoes are for capitalist pigs Q. Do you call that an ink defense? WHO WAS PHONE??? Q. What has been your favorite forum/chat vacation and why? Too many to choose from. I'll say when I "spammed" live chat while I was the only person in it. Q. How many championships will they win in Miami, and will Lebron have his jersey retired as a Heat player? 4 and yes. Q. How FAWSOME do you think an interrogation of #1_stunna would be? Not nearly as Q. Why do you think CC isn't interviewing #1_stunna? Because if they wanted to put people to sleep, they would've given free sleeping pills with every purchase of premium. Q. Who is your most favorite mod? nagerous, because he knows how I like it Q. How much do you love Serbia? Q. Why are you so short? Because all the extra tissue is in my abnormally large penis Q. Why doesn't it bother you more? Because shut up Q. F*ck yeah, unicorn!Mama said knock you out Q. How's your wiener? Large and in charge Q. What about your wiener? See last answer Q. What off-season moves do you foresee the Miami Heat making? Pick up aging center. I would rather they develop their young guys, specifically James Jones and Chalmers Q. Will James retool any part of his game during the off-season/play in Europe with the potential of a lockout? I heard on ESPN that Olajuwon was giving him low-post lessons. If there's anything he needs to be better at, it's his low post game. He's one of the strongest guys in the league but has massive trouble in the paint with his back to the basket. Q. Do you prefer your wiener stuffed in a bun? Yes, but only if it's Symmtry's <3 Q. With or without condiments? Both Q. Why do you want Conquer Club to ask about your wiener? Because shut up Q. What is your favorite meme? Asking obvious questions was invented at McGill University in 2011, by this dumbass Q. Why are you here? Because I am everywhere, my son Q. Who is better, and why? David Ortiz. He's the tits Q. What's a wiener and where can ManBungalow get one? It's a wiener, due to the reflexive postulate. He can get it in my pants, but he has to search with his mouth Q. If someone had some magic beans that, when planted, sprouted a bean that, when eaten, would cause you to grow to a normal height (you know, something taller than 3' 10"), how many cups of sugar would you put into a pot of coffee? LoL! Q. What was the mass of the bean stalk? 42 micrograms Q. Does P=NP? Provide proof! Yes. Q. Have you ever considered having a friend sign up, or creating a multi, that is named 'Army of Satan/Devil/etc', and then playing some epic 1vs1 games to the death? I have had a friend sign up: Game 7578539 Q. Are you and squishyg real good friends? We're such good friends, you could even call us pals Q. If y'all are real good friends, does that friendship come with benefits? Yes. Squishy's care and love is everything I could ever ask for. Q. Are you a normal short person or one of the weird looking ones? Weird-looking Q. Why did you ditch your old pokemon avatar? Because the bash brothers are the tits Q. When you were younger, did your parents call you Militia of God or maybe Army of Jesus? My mom used to, and still does call me "Dickie Jimmy" Q. Jesus and God are the same person or something like that right? Dude, I don't know. Q. Is one of them a Bulletproof Bandit? Both, actually. Q. How many internet sites do you post pictures of yourself on? 32, 28 being porn forums Q. How many are NSFW? 28, I just fucking said that. God dammit. LISTEN WHEN I SPEAK TO YOU, YOU IGNORANT PIECE OF SHIT Q. What is best in life? Death Q. Do you agree that the meaning of life is to find the meaning of life? No, the meaning of life is to shut up and give me free high-fives Q. If you could change your name, would you change it to Army of DOGS? No, I'd change it to "lackattack sucks my balls" Q. If you did change it to Army of DOGS would you join the pack? I don't think I'm cool enough for the pack anyway Q. What was the happiest moment in your life? The day I leave CC Q. What was the saddest moment in your life? The day the.killing.44 bought me a gatorade Q. What was your most satisfying achievement? Senior year of high school, our baseball team made it to the league championship. We were down 3-0 in the bottom of the last inning and I led off. I lined a single over the third basemen, moved to second on a walk, and then danced around on second base and drew a balk from the pitcher. The next batter was intentionally walked, and then the batter after that got a bases-clearing walk-off double. However; I got absolutely no credit for starting the whole rally. Cunts. Q. Where do you see yourself five years from now? Face down in a ditch, crying as I die slowly, wondering why I ever thought a relationship between BigBallinStalin and I would ever work. Q. Is owenshooter the real black Jesus? No. Ving Rhames is the savoir. Q. Do you think Bruceswar looks good in a dress? Yea, but he looks even better without it. Q. Are you the bastard son of BoganGod? No. I'm his lover. Q. If no, would you like to be (and are you sure)? If yes, does he pay your premium as child-support? Of course I would like to be. Yet, I'd still be his lover. Q. What GOD does the GOD in Army of GOD refer to? The guy that kills thousands of children every day, yet also helps billionaires achieve fame. Q. If you were Emperor of Earth, what would your rule be like? >Implying I'm not already the Emperor of Earth Q. You wanna go see Cowboys & Aliens with saxitoxin tomorrow? Of course. Q. Do you really want to sit in a dark theatre with Uncle Saxi? Of course. Q. Will you make Uncle Saxi hold the popcorn in his lap? Of course. Q. Would you pop Uncle Saxi's corn? No, but I'd give him a handjob. Q. If you had the choice to either grow 4 inches or be rewarded $25,000, which option would you take? The one where I shove my foot up Serbia's ass Q. Would you have that icky leg lengthening surgery that Ethan Hawke got in "Gattaca"? The only reason I know the name Ethan Hawke is because of Family Guy Q. Would you have any other elective procedures to look more like Jude Law? SHUT UP Q. Why you are such a HUGE fan of the band Tool? Because I enjoy terrible music Q. What is the state of the relationship between you and nietzsche? (Visual aids are allowed) Click image to enlarge. Q. Thanks, Army of GOD! No, thank you!
Here's a smashing edition of War Games with another "Join This? Or Not!" by
sonicsteve , and a "Meet the Tournament Winners!" with
Dukasaur and interviewee,
belize . Enjoy!
Victor Sullivan filling in for
jricartTournament Executive Join This? Or Not! by sonicsteve show
And now for our regular look at a selection of the tournaments in sign-ups:Mixed Team Betrayal is the third tournament to be organised by thechuck51 , who is looking for 64 players. The competitors will be placed into Quads teams at random, then each winning side will be split into 2 dubs teams to fight amongst themselves before the victorious partnership turns on itself in a 1v1 game. The 8 individual winners then go through the same process in the final round.qwert invites you along to his Chess Championship I which will be played out using 1v1 1v1 mcshanester29 is continuing with Celtic Nations , Central America and CCU all up for grabs at the time of press. The series has already covered more than 30 maps and consists of a straightforward single elimination bracket with Escalating cards.1v1 drake_259 's Pandemic . You must choose to be either a Virus, Bacteria or Parasite, with the winner from each section facing off in a 3-way battle. If you've always wanted to represent Salmonella on the battlefield, this is the tournament you've been waiting for.Official Summer CC Bash 2011 . The Entertainment Team are hosting this Speed Create/Join a Tournament or Tournaments Tab and take a look at the many others waiting to be filled. Requests for Immediate Players section of the tournament forum. You can be playing very quickly after signing up as a reserve.
Meet the Tournament Winners! by Dukasaur show: belize interview
belize came to my attention two different ways. First, he was the winner of Sb's Nuking of the New World 1 by soldierboy . This tourney ran from January 29th to March 10th of this year, and it came up as my random selection of tournament winners to interview.also won Blitz's Clandemonium 4 by Blitzaholic , which ran from February 19th to April 25th. This was one of many tournaments that Blitz ran on his new (well, it was new at the time) Clandemonium map. One of the features of the Clandemonium series of tournaments was that the final round featured a best-of-51 game series between the two finalists. That's right, not a typo! Best-of-51, and belize knocked out his opponent by the slimmest margin possible, 26-25. I myself had been in this tournament, and belize had knocked me out in the semi-final. When I heard about his amazingly close finish, I absolutely had to talk to him about it!Originally I was going to interview you about SB's Nuking of the New World, but recently you've had that absolutely amazing 26-25 win in Clandemonium Four, so I definitely want to talk to you about that one too! I was hoping you would win that one after defeating me, and when I saw that amazing photo finish I was just blown away! I made it to round 3 in the first Clandemonium tournament where we had to play 15 games at once, and even then I was getting really sick of the map, and I was thinking, "OMFG, what if I do make it to the finals, and I have to play 51 of these things?" Of course I didn't make it to the finals, but I'm still amazed at those of you who did. It's a BIG map; even one game on it can be a fair bit of work. Did you think at some point that you might not get through it? Sorry to hear that. Is he better now? I'm still amazed by that 26-25 finish. That's as close as it can get! Was your adrenaline level up on the last few games? Lol, you're supposed to say, "me heart was palpitating, my face was on fire, every muscle and nerve in my body trembled as I surged forward to that last game " Okay, we've talked about the Clandemonium tournament. Let's talk a bit about the Nuking the New World tournament. Do you generally like Nuclear games? But isn't that the fun part of nukes? Just when you think you know how the game is going, it isn't... The Nuking of the New World was a Dubs tournament. Tell me a bit about your partnership with Rick1063. How did you discover CC, and how long have you been here?
It's time for, of course, my favorite part of the Newsletter: Cartographic Surveillance! OliverFA and I took a break this issue, while new Reporters,
thehippo8 and
koontz1973 release their third and first articles, respectively. thehippo8 continues on the topic of chess, while koontz talks about white guys (neutral troops, of course!). And to all you readers, I challenge you to comment on the maps in the Foundry, as comments are always, always wanted.
Victor SullivanFoundry Executive Chess revisited: What is the essence of the game? by thehippo8 show
In case you are reading this and wonder if I am obsessed by chess, you’d be right. But no, I won’t write about chess for every article. But the last article did miss an important point (well truth be known OliverFA suggested an idea ... and, ok, I jumped at the notion) that there might be more to the mystery behind why the chess game hasn’t translated so well to this forum. Do the maps suggested capture the dynamics of chess? What is the essence of the chess game itself? How can this be meaningfully represented in this mode?What is chess? en passant ). Aside from the two move thing, the pawn has remained throughout the history of chess this slow and seemingly insignificant piece. But insignificant it is not. A pawn, on reaching the eighth rank, can be promoted to any other piece (other than a king) which the player desires. Historically this promotion was to a much less powerful piece (the fers ) which could only move diagonally one square at a time. Moreover, the pawns are like a movable barrier bristling with their knives from which the opponent’s pieces must beware. Also, the pawns block an army’s movement because an army cannot attack its own pieces. In a real game of chess, the placement and movement of pawns changes the nature of the whole game. Opening doors and closing them, directing the flow of the other pieces or just getting in the way! The placements of pawns create the structure of the game, provide names for different opening set-ups and are indeed the soul of the game. Such a lot from such a little piece!Shatranj so representation of an elephant should come as no surprise).fers , or counsellor, a sort of diagonal pawn referred to already. Women’s lib really came to the chess board in a powerful way! Modelling the game of chess “modelling” explains simulation and that is john9blue ’s Chess
Neutrals, Why! by koontz1973 show
Neutrals, you can love themBalance of play. Golfe Du St. Laurent Orange-Idaho-Dog wrote: In my team game, team one was dropped 2 bonuses (Labrador & Great North) minus one territory. By round 2 they had both and were unbreakable.
greenoaks wrote: i just started my first game on this map and i wasn't impressed.
ender516 wrote: putting a neutral in each of the 3-region bonus zones (New Brunswick, Newfoundland, and Labrador)
Tisha wrote: I really dislike neutrals on a map, but understand that the games on the map can be decided before you even get a first turn.
Conditions for Winning. Das Schloss cairnswk about the neutrals on Das Schloss so here are his reasons for them.Why so many neutrals? Why the high numbers? Do you in any way feel this limits the game or slows it down?
Fighting your way through a sea of neutrals. Might Magic Mayhem City Mogul Treasure of the Galapagos War Epic Regarding the Age of Realms series, was it always your aim to have so many neutrals and what does it bring to the game in your opinion. With City Mogul, the big brother of neutral maps, why such high numbers. Would it make it any different if the numbers were reduced especially regarding the winning condition of holding the manor and mall.
When neutrals turn bad. iancanton wrote: the castle in castle lands, which is +2 auto-deploy, has 4 neutrals and it's not always taken.
Treasure of the Galapagos There is a poll in the foundry to get the luggers reduced in (neutral) value to try and open them up in the game some more. What would be your ideal number? You have played this map only a few times (12), have you ever gone for the luggers or seen anyone go for them?
So if the mapmaker does not play for them at 10, why should we. viewtopic.php?f=127&t=149280 When neutrals turn very very bad. viewtopic.php?f=535&t=40294 Whatever game you enjoy, neutrals will always be with us. Either way, we can all effect them by joining in the map making process. Both cairnswick and Dim (and many more) have maps in the foundry that have those pesky neutrals. It is up to you on there values, but only if you join in the foundry process.
This issue, the Clan section brings you updates on the All Comers Cup and The Clan War Database, thanks to
alt1978 and
jigger1986 ! And, while I'm here, I should give a shout out to my clanmates from Team Ohio! And while we may be getting our butts handed to us by GG, at least we're having a good time, eh? As always, enjoy
Victor Sullivan filling in for
LeeharClan Executive All Comers Cup by Alt1978 show
The All Comers Cup Manifest Destiny vs The Grim Reapers (18-19)
The Clan War Database by jigger1986 show
The clan scene on CC is an ever-evolving entity. New clans are emerging on the scene all the time and perennial giants seem to be battling it out at every turn. With each war completed clan members are always looking for new ways to quantify their success. Several clan ranking systems exist with no real consensus on which is the best. I do not assume to know the answer, but I do know that in an ever changing clan climate hard core competitors will always be looking for that new "fix." In a effort to stimulate us clan junkies the CD team has created a Clan War Database and released an "unofficial" Leap Ladder Ranking System. In our last issue Leehar talked about the new Clan War Database and Leap Ladder. As a follow-up to that, I recently had a chat with Chemefreak to get the details on this new addition to the clan forum.Q. What is the clan war database? A .A database of clan wars! jpcloet and Masli , who pieced together the 100+ prior clan wars and built the original database did the tough work. Now all we do is update it.Q.What are the requirements for entry into the database? A. We think we have made real progress in defining what clan wars are and what they aren’t. Increased communication between the CDs, tournament organizers and clan leaders has helped immensely in this area.Q.What can we expect as far as updates? A. The database will be updated on a pretty regular basis. (at least once a month) I know that jpcloet was working on a more permanent real-time platform for updating the database and the leap ladder…more of that to come sometime in the future. (I hope)Q. Could you offer a small description of what the leap ladder is and who is involved in creating it? A. The leap ladder is the dream of jpcloet , one that I personally believe all the current CDs would like to see become a reality. The leap ladder is the ultimate clan ranking system. The current “unofficial” leap ladder was created based on the 2009 RPI results generated by jpcloet . These rankings got a little love back then and so the leap started with the numeric order of these rankings. Each time a war finishes the lower ranked clan either wins and skips the clan it beat or loses and nothing changes. Of course, there is a little more complexity involving the amount of spots one moves up or down after a win or loss, but that is a discussion for another day.Q. What criteria are involved in the rankings? How does it differ from FarangDemon 's A400 system? A. Wins and losses are all that matter on this ladder. There is no win percentage, no margin of victory and no weighting increase for more recent wins. The ladder is a pure jump up or fall down scenario and that is what makes it fun and simple.FarangDemon 's system. Any member who is willing to spend that much time trying to help the clan world is a peach in my book. I will say that I am not a huge fan of the win percentage and recentness of the war being so important to the rankings, but I do believe his system has a place in the clan world and he should be applauded for his efforts.Q. When can we expect an official ladder? A. Hopefully soon! I think the leap ladder will work great as a seeding system for clan wars, but until someone comes up with a way to incorporate the Clan League and other events into an all-inclusive format, we are stuck with ranking systems broken into pieces by type of event. FarangDemon 's shows current strength of clans, the leap ladder will show who will most likely win a qualifying clan war and Chuuuuck ’s Power Rankings will show who we are all afraid of playing despite their current ranking. There is a unique place for all of these which makes the clan world more fun. Q. Is there anything else you would like to add? jpcloet did more for clans than anyone will ever realize and should be applauded for everything he has done. Masli has been tirelessly working on behalf of clans for quite a while now as well. He is already making his mark as the Head Clan Director and will continue to make positive improvements in the clan world and Shaneback is a blast to work with too, even though the two of us are just secretaries to the clan world. Chemefreak for taking the time to answer my question, and to the CD Team as a whole for all the time and effort they have put in to make CC a better place for clans.here , be sure to check it out and see where your clan stacks up!
Stay Tuned for the next issue of the ConquerClub Dispatch for an interrogation of
Phatscotty . Post any questions you may have for them here -->
Interrogation with Phatscotty Submitting Your Own Articles If you have a story you think the ConquerClub Community would find interesting, you can submit your articles to
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Posted: Mon Aug 22, 2011 10:12 pm
(yeah, i'm being a decibel) 
