Conquer Club

sometime earlier this year i got really bored again.

the treacherous vagaries of the types of games i had traditionally played became dull and insipid, rather than nuanced and invigorating. i started experimenting with weird obscure game options, mixing them together until i got a bad habit like 2 player speed on gazala. it covered up my boredom for a while but did not cure it. i needed a more meaty challenge.

for a while i stopped new games entirely. ran my active games all the way to just 9 super-awesome stalematey-like no cards thrillers, all well in the 100s of rounds. but my competitive streak wouldn't allow me to leave these games... so i was stuck...

then one day it came to me. instead of playing games on cc, i would play the game of cc. that is, the scoreboard. i would get points anyway possible, within the rules, as presented in the Rules.

i toyed with this as its own logic puzzle, just like an 8 player escalating takeout. I tried a few
different things. I developed a general approach then refined it.

then one day I discovered that I couldn't lose.

i had become the noob-whisperer.

yes, i discovered suddenly that by meticulously following a system that i developed, i had become invincible against noobs. indeed, i am entirely confident that by following this system i can make conqueror because my calculations told me that the win rate i needed was less than my actual current win rate under the system of... 100%. i can't remember the last time i lost a game, which is good because i really don't like losing.

now there are a variety of things that go into this system, some of which are obvious by looking at my record, others of which are less obvious. for example, i wear a purple cape at my keyboard at all times. also, discipline certainly plays a significant role, so this system would not be for the 99% of humans that can't even follow through on the simplest self-prescribed dictates, let alone follow an ongoing program of anything more demanding that the covering of ones flesh with cloth before stepping out for the day. further, to be a true noob-whisperer, you need to get under the skull-cap of the noob. you need
to be as the noob, even while you are not of the noob. if anyone is interested in purchasing my system, please make your offer in the most entertaining way possible.

in any case, i hardly believe i'm the only one with the innate skills to do it. probably there will be a lot more people trying soon, which is perhaps one way to mitigate the "issue", as noob-demand will outstrip noob-supply. there are other ways i can think of as well, but of course as soon as one "issue" is mitigated, another will arise, as the next rabbiton emerges,
scent of blood in its flaring nostrils, steely eyes fixed gleelessly on its score, black-hearted, machine like apparatus forged and finely honed for nothing other than merciless preying on the weak and ignorant.

in any case, now i'm really bored again.

the sheer momentum of never losing was carrying me on, however the nexus of dice, cards, and an opponent who wasn't entirely retarded is finally about to catch up with me. game number is 3018952 if you want to go cheer on private tnguyenv, who will become the first new recruit (when the game started) to beat me, and he doesn't even seem to be a multi.

congrats to private tnguyenv!

so with a stupid amount of points in my kit-bag, and a fire-proof system to get more, now what? i could chase the conqueror title, but it somehow doesn't seem worth it.

and i'm still stuck in the same 9 marathon games with no end in sight.

i was considering joining a "clan", though i can't truly imagine what that would entail.

i was considering playing teams games... but who would be interested in teaming with a very high ranked team-noob?

maybe i should just buy the website and shut it down.

maybe then i'd be at peace.

Yawn...

I got about 3 lines into this novel and decided it was poorly constructed and boring. -Definitely not one we'll soon see on Oprah's Book of the Month any time soon...

rabbiton wrote:sometime earlier this year i got really bored again.

the treacherous vagaries of the types of games i had traditionally played became dull and insipid, rather than nuanced and invigorating. i started experimenting with weird obscure game options, mixing them together until i got a bad habit like 2 player speed on gazala. it covered up my boredom for a while but did not cure it. i needed a more meaty challenge.

for a while i stopped new games entirely. ran my active games all the way to just 9 super-awesome stalematey-like no cards thrillers, all well in the 100s of rounds. but my competitive streak wouldn't allow me to leave these games... so i was stuck...

then one day it came to me. instead of playing games on cc, i would play the game of cc. that is, the scoreboard. i would get points anyway possible, within the rules, as presented in the Rules.

i toyed with this as its own logic puzzle, just like an 8 player escalating takeout. I tried a few
different things. I developed a general approach then refined it.

then one day I discovered that I couldn't lose.

i had become the noob-whisperer.

yes, i discovered suddenly that by meticulously following a system that i developed, i had become invincible against noobs. indeed, i am entirely confident that by following this system i can make conqueror because my calculations told me that the win rate i needed was less than my actual current win rate under the system of... 100%. i can't remember the last time i lost a game, which is good because i really don't like losing.

now there are a variety of things that go into this system, some of which are obvious by looking at my record, others of which are less obvious. for example, i wear a purple cape at my keyboard at all times. also, discipline certainly plays a significant role, so this system would not be for the 99% of humans that can't even follow through on the simplest self-prescribed dictates, let alone follow an ongoing program of anything more demanding that the covering of ones flesh with cloth before stepping out for the day. further, to be a true noob-whisperer, you need to get under the skull-cap of the noob. you need
to be as the noob, even while you are not of the noob. if anyone is interested in purchasing my system, please make your offer in the most entertaining way possible.

in any case, i hardly believe i'm the only one with the innate skills to do it. probably there will be a lot more people trying soon, which is perhaps one way to mitigate the "issue", as noob-demand will outstrip noob-supply. there are other ways i can think of as well, but of course as soon as one "issue" is mitigated, another will arise, as the next rabbiton emerges,
scent of blood in its flaring nostrils, steely eyes fixed gleelessly on its score, black-hearted, machine like apparatus forged and finely honed for nothing other than merciless preying on the weak and ignorant.

in any case, now i'm really bored again.

the sheer momentum of never losing was carrying me on, however the nexus of dice, cards, and an opponent who wasn't entirely retarded is finally about to catch up with me. game number is 3018952 if you want to go cheer on private tnguyenv, who will become the first new recruit (when the game started) to beat me, and he doesn't even seem to be a multi.

congrats to private tnguyenv!

so with a stupid amount of points in my kit-bag, and a fire-proof system to get more, now what? i could chase the conqueror title, but it somehow doesn't seem worth it.

and i'm still stuck in the same 9 marathon games with no end in sight.

i was considering joining a "clan", though i can't truly imagine what that would entail.

i was considering playing teams games... but who would be interested in teaming with a very high ranked team-noob?

maybe i should just buy the website and shut it down.

maybe then i'd be at peace.

nice title

lol, you aren't as bad as klobber but nearly...

Elijah S wrote:Yawn...

I got about 3 lines into this novel and decided it was poorly constructed and boring. -Definitely not one we'll soon see on Oprah's Book of the Month any time soon...

delicately put, elijah s, and a stern warning to others who may be considering such feat in the future.

this story however, while perhaps not oprah-worthy in quite the manner of the great "how i tickle feathers" by elijah s, is of grand community import.

rabbiton wrote:

Elijah S wrote:Yawn...

I got about 3 lines into this novel and decided it was poorly constructed and boring. -Definitely not one we'll soon see on Oprah's Book of the Month any time soon...

delicately put, elijah s, and a stern warning to others who may be considering such feat in the future.

this story however, while perhaps not oprah-worthy in quite the manner of the great "how i tickle feathers" by elijah s, is of grand community import.

I'll have to take your word for it, just until I've had a decent cup of coffee, and then I shall endeavor to read it in its entirety... Matters of such great importance surely should be required reading for the entire community.
I only wish you'd provided a brief synopsis at the top so that we'd be able to skip straight to the best chapters.

maybe you could just start chasing medals, since you have a meager 8... that seems to be the latest fad all the kids are up to these days...-0

Holy crap Rabbiton spoke. And you wrote a freaking novel. Have you been talking to Fitz??

I will enjoy reading this after I get back from lunch.

Where can I get the Cliff Notes for this?

And way to go! You've become the envy of noob farmers everywhere!

Rabbit, once a night I host a high rank rt game, (not every night, but most). Many of the top players play in my games, some of them started in my games as seargents and such. Anyway, it's old school rt, (ie non-speed) std, seq, esc. Basically board game settings. It's fun and we have good conversation during the game, as well as skilled play. Points are not the biggest concern and with this setting I'll never catch first. It's more about playing a good game and having a good shoot the shit while waiting for your turn. We usually play classic, but I've been considering throwing an Asia in there this week, (mind you I'm not big on change).

So if you want to join on of these games, send me a pm and I'll add you to the list. I generally play around 10:00 pm eastern standard time. There have been 3 or 4 different Conquerors in my games, but you can look up my games and see who I play.

Elijah S wrote:

rabbiton wrote:

Elijah S wrote:Yawn...

I got about 3 lines into this novel and decided it was poorly constructed and boring. -Definitely not one we'll soon see on Oprah's Book of the Month any time soon...

delicately put, elijah s, and a stern warning to others who may be considering such feat in the future.

this story however, while perhaps not oprah-worthy in quite the manner of the great "how i tickle feathers" by elijah s, is of grand community import.

I'll have to take your word for it, just until I've had a decent cup of coffee, and then I shall endeavor to read it in its entirety... Matters of such great importance surely should be required reading for the entire community.
I only wish you'd provided a brief synopsis at the top so that we'd be able to skip straight to the best chapters.

skip to "i had become the noob-whisperer". that's where i put the purple cape on.

owenshooter wrote:maybe you could just start chasing medals, since you have a meager 8... that seems to be the latest fad all the kids are up to these days...-0

"medals"... is that what those things are? what can they be used for? are chicks into them?

rabbiton wrote:

owenshooter wrote:maybe you could just start chasing medals, since you have a meager 8... that seems to be the latest fad all the kids are up to these days...-0

"medals"... is that what those things are? what can they be used for? are chicks into them?

Ask Paradice. He went on a medal raid and ended up with more than one pair of panties.

Nah it was an interesting read and well penned... And the title was, as i say, excellent.. I just wish it had been coined by a third party.

As a mildly self-effacing tool of irony it lost a tad of its luster in a hail of rebellious superiority. It sought to proffer an air of indifference and yet advertising is never the first recourse of the indifferent.

But why did we keep reading.. i suppose in the contradictory hope that the art of 'Noob-Whispering' would in fact be divulged... but like one of those Cable-TV shows about the Yeti; all it did was dance around primate shit and divulge results of DNA tests on rodent hair.

never-the-less it was a good read and i am glad you penned it Rabbit. Thank you.
I am just not sure if it was a 'f*ck you!' to us all.. or the reflections of personal recognition.

rabbiton wrote:

owenshooter wrote:maybe you could just start chasing medals, since you have a meager 8... that seems to be the latest fad all the kids are up to these days...-0

"medals"... is that what those things are? what can they be used for? are chicks into them?

apparently, they sell replicas of the medals you have earned in the CC Gift Shop. you can pin them to your every day attire, like t-shirts or swim trunks, or a dress shirt, or your suit (if you have a nice job) or even an army uniform from your homeland bought at the local miliatry surplus store. some of the younger kids on CC, pin them to their letter jackets, right next to their science fair and 3rd chair trombone patches... if you wear them out on a saturday night, be prepared for nothing but multi-chicks in your bed, and a night of debauchery, the likes of only which lackattack has ever seen!!!-0

owenshooter wrote:

rabbiton wrote:

owenshooter wrote:maybe you could just start chasing medals, since you have a meager 8... that seems to be the latest fad all the kids are up to these days...-0

"medals"... is that what those things are? what can they be used for? are chicks into them?

apparently, they sell replicas of the medals you have earned in the CC Gift Shop. you can pin them to your every day attire, like t-shirts or swim trunks, or a dress shirt, or your suit (if you have a nice job) or even an army uniform from your homeland bought at the local miliatry surplus store. some of the younger kids on CC, pin them to their letter jackets, right next to their science fair and 3rd chair trombone patches... if you wear them out on a saturday night, be prepared for nothing but multi-chicks in your bed, and a night of debauchery, the likes of only which lackattack has ever seen!!!-0

That's only because he has unlimited access to as many medals as he likes. I hear he has a hard time standing up when he wears his full-dress replica RCMP uniform.

And, in a double-blind study done by Penn State, it was discovered that only a few select age groups of the fairer sex found the medals appealing. Mostly young girls aged 11-20 and older women aged 51-60. The rest considered them either mildly interesting or all-together unattractive.

rabbiton wrote:

Elijah S wrote:

rabbiton wrote:

Elijah S wrote:Yawn...

I got about 3 lines into this novel and decided it was poorly constructed and boring. -Definitely not one we'll soon see on Oprah's Book of the Month any time soon...

delicately put, elijah s, and a stern warning to others who may be considering such feat in the future.

this story however, while perhaps not oprah-worthy in quite the manner of the great "how i tickle feathers" by elijah s, is of grand community import.

I'll have to take your word for it, just until I've had a decent cup of coffee, and then I shall endeavor to read it in its entirety... Matters of such great importance surely should be required reading for the entire community.
I only wish you'd provided a brief synopsis at the top so that we'd be able to skip straight to the best chapters.

skip to "i had become the noob-whisperer". that's where i put the purple cape on.

Now that I've properly read the entire book, my opinion has changed and I can easily see the prophetic wisdom in this thread...

1) Guy gets bored on CC - (certainly not original here)
2) Guy decides to harvest points from unsuspecting noobs, many of whom are incapable of displaying even the simplest degree of skill.
3) Guy starts wearing a purple cape and black mask, like Batman. (I just threw the mask in there to make it more mysterious).
4) Guy decides he has brass balls because he's racking up the points (about 2 pts. at a time).
5) Guy gets bored again and decides to enlighten the entire CC Community with his exploits and horrendous fashion statement.
6) Guy eats lunch.

No charge for the paraphrasing. -Consider it my gift!

owenshooter wrote:

rabbiton wrote:

owenshooter wrote:maybe you could just start chasing medals, since you have a meager 8... that seems to be the latest fad all the kids are up to these days...-0

"medals"... is that what those things are? what can they be used for? are chicks into them?

apparently, they sell replicas of the medals you have earned in the CC Gift Shop. you can pin them to your every day attire, like t-shirts or swim trunks, or a dress shirt, or your suit (if you have a nice job) or even an army uniform from your homeland bought at the local miliatry surplus store. some of the younger kids on CC, pin them to their letter jackets, right next to their science fair and 3rd chair trombone patches... if you wear them out on a saturday night, be prepared for nothing but multi-chicks in your bed, and a night of debauchery, the likes of only which lackattack has ever seen!!!-0

and will the chicks all talk like you?

because i'm pretty sure that's what i need.

jiminski wrote:I am just not sure if it was a 'f*ck you!' to us all.. or the reflections of personal recognition.

certainly the former, with the "all" including myself, but also the latter, in a uncharacteristically poignant manner.

rabbiton wrote:

jiminski wrote:I am just not sure if it was a 'f*ck you!' to us all.. or the reflections of personal recognition.

certainly the former, with the "all" including myself, but also the latter, in a uncharacteristically poignant manner.

Well f*ck you very much for sharing Rabbit.

rabbiton wrote:

jiminski wrote:I am just not sure if it was a 'f*ck you!' to us all.. or the reflections of personal recognition.

certainly the former, with the "all" including myself, but also the latter, in a uncharacteristically poignant manner.

Thanks for your honesty!

You couldn't make it to conquerer doing that.

go rabbiton and claim the #1 spot.

Don't let anyone except the lack of skillz and perseverance stop you. It's time to put 1vs1 casual freestyle on the highest perch of the Scoreboard.

MOBAJOBG wrote:go rabbiton and claim the #1 spot.

Don't let anyone except the lack of skillz and perseverance stop you. It's time to put 1vs1 casual freestyle on the highest perch of the Scoreboard.

heh, but i'm really tired.

I have known of rabbiton for awhile and scouted him way back, many many months ago, and he was a 3K score player before he even tried this, so there is no doubt he can play, although it is mostly no cards, singles, he is like a lazaruslong which i doubt most even know him, but both are real good at those game styles. cheers rabbiton