My white trash methhead eyes the subtle curves on the underage Muslim garden gnome.
He fails to even notice the large army of mounted Mongolians heading toward the group, due to the ferocious battle going on in his mind. On the one hand, this underage garden gnome is hot, plus the whole "strong and silent type" bit is a big turn on. On the other hand, it's a heathen Muslim that should be stoned to death.
He considers asking if the garden gnome would like a piece of candy that he keeps in his car trunk, at which point he finally notices the horde...