I print this out and put it on the neighbors door a lot.
Why do they continue to make me do it?
An open letter to my new neighbors dog.
Dearest neighbor dog,
!!!!!!!!!SHUT THE f*ck UP!!!!!!!!!
I am writing you to inform you that you are the loudest mother fucking dog I have ever known, you've proven it now...no need to continue. I understand you just came into the neighborhood and you needed to establish your alpha male status as quickly as possible. POINT TAKEN ALREADY. Every person, vehicle, cat, dog, leaf, gust of wind, concert F, intensity cube, mailman, cricket, dandelion, fence post, boat, sunrise, sunset, full moon, UPS driver, rain drop, grease spot, unicorn, vice president of the United States, hanging chad, hurricane, seismic anomaly, toilet paper roll, brown bear, XBOX 360, HDTV, blade of grass, immigrant worker, OPEC oil executive and decibel meter knows you are THE dog around here. Your constant need to prove it has become slightly irritating.
.~*STFU STFU STFU STFU*~.
I was willing to compromise you know, the clock I gave you, the one with the times when you may scream your fucking head off clearly marked, you must have thrown it away. The next one I give you will be more of a timer....rather than a clock per say.....catch my drift?
.$^^^()__SHUT THE f*ck UP__()^^^$.
How about you just refrain from your usual activities from the hours of 12:00am to 7:00am...is that fair? I love my sleep and you, THE DOG, are blowing it for me. This is all I really want in the end after all, peace and quiet while I sleep. I have several jobs and they tire me out. You, on the other hand are content to; eat, sleep, bark and procreate......life should be so easy. Tell you what, I will trade you for one week and we shall see if your perspective changes, if it does not, my sincerest apologies to you sir dog.
.XXXXXXX...........SHUT THE f*ck UP............XXXXXXX.
I've considered my options and I am left with one.....hand you a grenade wrapped in a t-bone. I fear this may be my only alternative in the end, rather gruesome I admit, none the less it would be extremely effective. If you have a better idea I am completely open to suggestion, otherwise it may have to get ugly. Your response is eagerly awaited. In the mean time.......
.SHUT THE f*ck UP!.
Thank you for you kind consideration,
-L M S