Conquer Club

From all Men of this World

Extremely important advice and recommendations to be passed on to wives, girlfriends, sisters, daughters, etc. (actually to all women in general). These rules are to be communicated prior to the World Cup in June/July this year...


LIST OF RULES

1. From 9 June to 9 July 2006, you should read the sports section of the newspaper so that you are aware of what is going on regarding the World Cup, and that way you will be able to join in the conversations.
If you fail to do this, then you will be looked at in a bad way, or you will be totally ignored. DO NOT complain about not receiving any attention.

2. During the World Cup, the television is mine, at all times, without any exceptions. If you even take a glimpse of the remote control, you will lose it (your eye).

3. If you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game, I don't mind, as long as you do it crawling on the floor and without distracting me.
If you decide to stand nude in front of the TV, make sure you put clothes on right after because if you catch a cold, I won't have time to take you to the doctor or look after you during the World Cup month.

4. During the games I will be blind, deaf and mute, unless I require a refill of my drink or something to eat. You are out of your mind if you expect me to listen to you, open the door, answer the telephone, or pick up the baby that just fell from the second floor....it wont happen.

5. It would be a good idea for you to keep at least 2 six-packs in the fridge at all times, as well as plenty of things to nibble on, and please do not make any funny faces to my friends when they come over to watch the games. In return, you will be allowed to use the TV between 12am and
6am, unless they replay a good game that I missed during the day.

6. Please, please, please!! If you see me upset because one of my teams is losing, DO NOT say "get over it, its only a game," or "don't worry, they'll win next time." If you say these things, you will only make me angrier and I will love you less. Remember, you will never ever know more about football than me and your so called "words of encouragement" will only lead to a break up or divorce.

7. You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game and you can talk to me during halftime but only when the commercials are on, and only if the halftime score is pleasing me. In addition, please note I am saying "one" game, hence do not use the World Cup as a nice cheesy excuse to "spend time together".

8. The replays of the goals are very important. I don't care if I have seen them or not, I want to see them again. Many times.

9. Tell your friends NOT to have any babies, or any other child related parties or gatherings that requires my attendance because:
a) I will not go,
b) I will not go, and
c) I will not go.

10. But, if a friend of mine invites us to his house on a Sunday to watch a game and his television and sound system is better than mine, we will be there in a flash.

11. The daily World Cup highlights show on TV every night is just as important as the games themselves. Do not even think about saying "but you have already seen this...why don't you change the channel to something we can all watch??", the reply will be: "Refer to Rule #2 of this list".

12. And finally, please save your expressions such as "Thank God the World Cup is only every 4 years". I am immune to these words, because after this comes the Champions League, Italian League, Spanish League, Premier League, EUFA Cup etc etc.

Thank you for your cooperation.
Regards,
Men of the World

Amen.

I'm probably a bigger football fan than you are

I'm going to recommend that Steve Mclaren be dropped and Phate is given a certain high profile job that requires 40+ journalists to camp outside your house, with 1 or 2 of them concocting devious ploys involving a 'fake sheik' to catch out the unwary.

Phate, however will not be caught out by the above sheik as she guides a squad of 22 hungry young men (And David Beckham) to world glory, and ultimately a massive party in a just finished 'Wembley Stadium'

oh, bite me. good thing "football" isn't big here.

I look forward to the party!

This is pretty sad...

Especially as it isn't even his own work, just copy/pasted from some other site

terra, just wondering about your username...

hey foot ball seasons over.. ohh wait your talking bout that weird game where they think is football but its not....lmao

I don't think this post applies to american women. Since "football" isnt big here, at all. But I played soccer in high school so i'm pumped for teh world cup, haha

that post was the best thing of all time. AMEN

USA USA USA
DEUTSCHLAND DEUTSCHLAND DEUTSCHLAND

Sorry I should have put 2 disclaimers up.

1. Its copy/pasted from another site - thought it was funny so I put it here.
2. It excludes the US - I forgot you have your own 'world' sport

football was invented in England donkeys' years (like centuries) ago and exported around the globe in such an open handed fashion that they are all now better at it than us (most of the time). Even lowly countries like Brazil have teams that are Quite Good these days.
American Football was invented in the USA about a decade or two ago. It is played by Americans wearing small cages, in America and as no one else bothers with it they are The Best At American Football In The World, Ever.

I'm sorry but I personally think soccer is one of the most boring sports to watch. I don't mean to offend anyone, go ahead and waste your time, but I just don't get it. It's all about football (American) and baseball (Angels of Aneheim, don't get me started on the whole LA Angels crap)

isn't american football the one where they all have to stop every now and then to think about what to do next? that's dynamic!
and baseball, that's like rounders, yeah, but they need a bigger bat
am i right?
you know i am

fluffybunnykins wrote:isn't american football the one where they all have to stop every now and then to think about what to do next? that's dynamic!
and baseball, that's like rounders, yeah, but they need a bigger bat
am i right?
you know i am

Partially. Soccer is more interesting than Football and i've never seen a rounders game. But I'll tell you one game that's completely uninteresting:

Cricket

Only if you're watching

fluffybunnykins wrote:isn't american football the one where they all have to stop every now and then to think about what to do next? that's dynamic!
and baseball, that's like rounders, yeah, but they need a bigger bat
am i right?
you know i am

American football is better than soccer (football) because you get to see people get smashed and it's about physical talent and speed (even though soccer has speed also). In soccer though (I have tried to watch) you just see them dribbling, passing, and kicking the ball back and forth. Heaven forbid when one team is up and they just keep kicking it back and forth...back and forth...back and forth...untill some brave soul actually tries to steal it . That is one reason why I like basketball for the shot clock. I could care less about the World Cup, because the NBA finals are on . But for other countries I guess it is a big deal so more power to you. Does USA even have a good team? I don't know and I doubt it.

I like the cricket commentaries, on the radio, where they start talking about something that's happening outside the ground instead!

What's a "world cup"? A nads protector for the Earth?? That's one BIIIG cup!

*drools over the tasty bunny*

whats this

soccer

i hear about?

lol

To me it seems like people like what they were raised with, I was raised with basketball and american football, which I enjoy both a lot. But I have watched football/soccer (about a week ago) I thought it was rather entertaining, but I think the problem with it in america is that no one covers the games (as ratings rule the tv world). I would watch more soccer but its not on all that much and when it is on I am at work.