Life a of peasent. A game of life.

[jeffonfire]

What do i do now! will i never live. do i lose all stuff.

[Dancing Mustard]

My actions for the day:
My Thai-prostitute goes into labour, she spawns an ugly twitching newborn; half-human, half-moffal. It stinks of rotting spam and screams blue murder as it lays slick with blood on my cottage floor.
I feed 1 thai-prostitute's placenta to the moffal-human hybrid baby.
It devours 1 thai-prostitute's placenta.
I bathe 1 moffal-human hybrid baby in the half-beaker of thai-prostitute vomit I have left. I now have 1 half-clean moffal-human baby.
I drink 1 half-beaker of filthy thai-prostitute vomit
I lose 3 constitution points
My shrivelled foetus in a jar warns me of impending murder
At nightfall I sneak to Ranck3's cottage, I remove my clothing and smear my naked body with melted snickers bars.
I rub myself against Ranck3's windows becoming exited, knowing that he is inside and unaware of my actions. It's like I'm making love to the entire hovel. The forbidden nature of the act is exhileration itself. I mutter the names of renowned authors to a rhythmn only I can hear.
I'm spent.
My moffal monster hunts in the woods. It catches 3 infants.
I plant one of the infants in my garden.
My Thai-prostitute forages for truffles on the common. She finds 1 rusty nail.
I beat my Thai-prostitute for her failure. I gag her my torn stocking and lock her in the vomitorium. I consider urinating on her, but restrain myself at the last minute.


I have:
Gp: 69682997569.6
House: Triangular-with en-suite vomitorium
Stuff: 1 tin of baked beans, 1 torn stocking, 1 lump of rotting offal + 1 tin of mints, 6 werewolf meat, 5 human skin, 1 Thai-prostitute-with gag+saddle, 40 bees, 1 Swedish Penis Enlarger, 4 pairs of novelty specatcles, 1 foetus in a jar that occassionaly warns me of future catastrophies but refuses to speak in anything other than cryptic riddles, 35 snickers bars, 1 bondage encyclopedia, unlimited 40mm video cameras and adult daipers, one suit made from Ranck3's father's skin, a glass beaker containing dregs of Thai-Prostitute's vomit, 1 banana hammock, 2 infants, 1 planted infant, 1 half-moffal half-human baby, 1 rusty nail.
P point: 85.3 squared
jobs: Boning your mum, stealing children's toys, dribbling on passing strangers, licking windows, picking bars of condensed milk from particularly tall trees.
Irradiated Mutant level = 38.2 divided by the number you first thought of.
I am wearing: boxers, gimp mask, a suit made from your Grandmother's skin, bangles, a 10 gallon hat.

[Guilty_Biscuit]

My actions for the day:
My Thai-prostitute goes into labour, she spawns an ugly twitching newborn; half-human, half-moffal. It stinks of rotting spam and screams blue murder as it lays slick with blood on my cottage floor.
I feed 1 thai-prostitute's placenta to the moffal-human hybrid baby.
It devours 1 thai-prostitute's placenta.
I bathe 1 moffal-human hybrid baby in the half-beaker of thai-prostitute vomit I have left. I now have 1 half-clean moffal-human baby.
I drink 1 half-beaker of filthy thai-prostitute vomit
I lose 3 constitution points
My shrivelled foetus in a jar warns me of impending murder
At nightfall I sneak to Ranck3's cottage, I remove my clothing and smear my naked body with melted snickers bars.
I rub myself against Ranck3's windows becoming exited, knowing that he is inside and unaware of my actions. It's like I'm making love to the entire hovel. The forbidden nature of the act is exhileration itself. I mutter the names of renowned authors to a rhythmn only I can hear.
I'm spent.
My moffal monster hunts in the woods. It catches 3 infants.
I plant one of the infants in my garden.
My Thai-prostitute forages for truffles on the common. She finds 1 rusty nail.
I beat my Thai-prostitute for her failure. I gag her my torn stocking and lock her in the vomitorium. I consider urinating on her, but restrain myself at the last minute.


I have:
Gp: 69682997569.6
House: Triangular-with en-suite vomitorium
Stuff: 1 tin of baked beans, 1 torn stocking, 1 lump of rotting offal + 1 tin of mints, 6 werewolf meat, 5 human skin, 1 Thai-prostitute-with gag+saddle, 40 bees, 1 Swedish Penis Enlarger, 4 pairs of novelty specatcles, 1 foetus in a jar that occassionaly warns me of future catastrophies but refuses to speak in anything other than cryptic riddles, 35 snickers bars, 1 bondage encyclopedia, unlimited 40mm video cameras and adult daipers, one suit made from Ranck3's father's skin, a glass beaker containing dregs of Thai-Prostitute's vomit, 1 banana hammock, 2 infants, 1 planted infant, 1 half-moffal half-human baby, 1 rusty nail.
P point: 85.3 squared
jobs: Boning your mum, stealing children's toys, dribbling on passing strangers, licking windows, picking bars of condensed milk from particularly tall trees.
Irradiated Mutant level = 38.2 divided by the number you first thought of.
I am wearing: boxers, gimp mask, a suit made from your Grandmother's skin, bangles, a 10 gallon hat.

ROFL!

[Guilty_Biscuit]

I pasted that work of art into Microsoft Sam and wasn't disapointed with results.

[Warrior987]

mhm..mhm...mhm...mhm..mhm..mhm...mhm...mhm..mhm...mhm...mhm..mhm..mhm...mhm...mhm..mhm...mhm...mhm..mhm..mhm...mhm...mhm..mhm...mhm...mhm..mhm..mhm...mhm...mhm..mhm...mhm...mhm..mhm..mhm...mhm...mhm..mhm...mhm...mhm..mhm..mhm...mhm...mhm..mhm...mhm...mhm..mhm..mhm...mhm... IDK who.

[Serbia]

BOOYAH.

RankOdor3, why oh why did you post this thread?

[ranck3]

Whoevers not playing, dont listen to them.

[Iliad]

spam

[Iliad]

since I'm a comedian i tell a joke:
ranck3

Come on that was a good one!

[Iliad]

How about this joke:
ranck3 is cool

What sarcasm, what satire! That was awesome you have to admit now give me money so I can hire him a hooker.

[jeffonfire]

I go hunting and cook the meat and eat it.



Gp:56
Cave:small-with birdcage, stove, fireplace, and workbench!
House: small-with stove.
Stuff: 1 bear, 1 shirt, 1 pair of gloves, 6 rabbit meat, 5 rabbit skin, 1 horse-with horseshoes+sattle, 40 nails, 1 mith knife, 4 sheep meat, 1 Wolf, 1 Eagle, 38 mith bars, 1 bandage, unlimited hammers.
P point:11
jobs: miner/smith
Smith level=38
I am wearing: pants, shirt, gloves.

[jeffonfire]

I go out and catch 10 beetles and roast them. I am now selling Cooked beetles for 5 coins!!!




Gp:56
Cave:small-with birdcage, stove, fireplace, and workbench!
House: small-with stove.
Stuff: Cooked beetles 10, 1 bear, 1 shirt, 1 pair of gloves, 6 rabbit meat, 5 rabbit skin, 1 horse-with horseshoes+sattle, 40 nails, 1 mith knife, 4 sheep meat, 1 Wolf, 1 Eagle, 38 mith bars, 1 bandage, unlimited hammers.
P point:11
jobs: miner/smith
Smith level=38
I am wearing: pants, shirt, gloves.

[pancakemix]

Jeff, stop. Please. Let it rest in peace.

[Dancing Mustard]

My moffal hybrid child learns to walk.
My moffal hybrid child is noticing changes about itself, it has questions it can't answer on its own. It goes walking on the common.
Unbeknownst to me, it thirsts for blood.
My planted infant sprouts into a baby-tree; it produces an arbitrary number of babies every arbitrary time period. At night the tree creaks in the wind and screams at the rain. I take delight in its tortured crys.
My Thai-Prostitute is still naked and shivering in the vomitorium; bruises cover her arms and back after her beating in the last post. I gain 20 satisfaction points.
This time I do not restrain myself at the last minute.
My Moffal hybrid child returns from the common with the mangled remains of a local child; it has painted its face with sticky pulp it scooped from the victim's skull. He looks vaguely like an Indian-Brave; only uglier. I pat the little scamp on the head; then I lick him clean. He wriggles and squirms, but soon the task is done.
I shower to clean myself; I fish my fetus from its pickling jar and take it with me. It makes a remarkably good sponge.
I gain +3 constitution. My Fetus gets -2 Self-respect.
At night I crave variety; I take my bee-hive, my penis-enlarger, and 1 Human Skin to JeffonFire's hovel.
I climb onto the roof. There I release the bees and remove my clothing. Howling the names of former-sprinters in a frentic litany I begin to interfere with myself amidst the torrent of stings. The pleasure becomes intense; I bite down upon the Human-Skin to stifle my ecstatic moaning. Faster the stings. Faster my hands. Somewhere, Jesus is crying.
I'm spent.
JeffonFire's house looks like Spiderman used a year's supply of webs on it.
I decide I have done enough for one day and go to sleep.
On my way home I find a cadaver laying in a ditch. I smile and tip him 3 gold.

I have:
Gp: 69682997569.6
House: Triangular-with en-suite vomitorium
Stuff: 1 tin of baked beans, 1 torn stocking, 1 lump of rotting offal + 1 tin of mints, 6 werewolf meat, 5 human skin, 1 Thai-prostitute-with gag+saddle, 40 bees, 1 Swedish Penis Enlarger, 4 pairs of novelty specatcles, 1 foetus in a jar that occassionaly warns me of future catastrophies but refuses to speak in anything other than cryptic riddles, 35 snickers bars, 1 bondage encyclopedia, unlimited 40mm video cameras and adult daipers, one suit made from Ranck3's father's skin, a glass beaker containing dregs of Thai-Prostitute's vomit, 1 banana hammock, 2 infants, 1 planted infant, 1 half-moffal half-human baby, 1 rusty nail.
P point: 85.3 squared
jobs: Boning your mum, stealing children's toys, dribbling on passing strangers, licking windows, picking bars of condensed milk from particularly tall trees.
Irradiated Mutant level = 38.2 divided by the number you first thought of.
I am wearing: boxers, gimp mask, a suit made from your Grandmother's skin, bangles, a 10 gallon hat.

[Guilty_Biscuit]

You should turn this into a novel DM

[Iliad]

Yep this is so much better then the original game.

[Dancing Mustard]

But I'm being serial!