Conquer Club

Well yay me anyway.
And other dads.
The curlette is making dinner tonight, not sure what we'll get.
The curlson started work today - he's a lifeguard at a local pool. Three more days of school, then he can do it every day.
He had a private job yesterday at a local's home pool with a party of about 70 kids. Got well-paid for it too.

Happy Father's Day.

And now, a story about my second job.

I got a job as a life guard at the Lena Park District's pool back when I was 15. My first day there was more of an orientation day, with two other "cadets" and two actual life guards. Both of the guards were males around 19 years of age. The day that I was there was packed with girls around my age, and I just knew that I had chosen the right summer profession.
The two guards took their shirts off before we got to the pool, and explained that we shouldn't wear shirts at all, because they can get caught or pulled on by a drowning person. Another important thing to remember with shirts, is that you don't want to waste time pulling them off while someone drowns. So we all took off our shirts. Being the manliest 15 year old ever, I had a nice full chest of hair. But I was the only one. . .
Guard #1 tells me, bluntly, that I should shave my chest. The ladies prefer it anyway, so he does it too. It's no big deal. Embarrassed, I tell them that I will shave my chest before I come back.

So there I am, a Thursday morning, the suns shining brightly, and I've got my shower radio blaring the local Pop station. I got my chest all lathered nicely and I step into the shower, while my back gets licked with warm water from the osculating shower head. I draw the razor down my tummy, "shrrreeek!!"
"Not so bad" I think.
But then my song comes on the radio. You remember that bird song by Nelly Furtado, right?
I'm singing along, gargling water. I'm moving my feet a little, getting excited for work with my soon-to-be fully shaved front. And that's when I completely shaved off my right nipple. As the water speckled my eyes, I looked in absolute terror as my nipple fell into the drain. Brilliant yet also dark crimson poured down my white-lathered stomach. But I need to be clear, I didn't lose the aureola now, just the nipple. But! I was able to find my nipple, to my relief, but being alone I didn't know what to do. I dried off and pressed a t-shirt to my nipple. I called my mom at work, and she rushed me to the hospital. I don't know what I was thinking, but while waiting for a doctor I gave my nipple to a nurse. When the doctor finally came to see me, he didn't mince words. "We can't re-attach nipples. I know that's what you're hoping for, but we just can't do it." All I can do is stitch it and give you some salve to help it heal.
"But I'm a life-guard!" I pleaded, "I wouldn't have even cut my tit off if I wasn't a life-guard!!! I can't be a one-nippled guard! Everyone will make fun of me!!!"
The doctor, Kelvin (was his name), felt some compassion for me. No doubt he understood the difficulties that naturally come with being a horny 15-year-old boy. So he referenced another doctor. That doctor couldn't attach dead nipples either. And there are no such thing as silicon nipples; there's just no demand for them. But I had to have a nipple, whatever the cost. So he used me to practice and test a new procedure that was his brain child.
He cut off the little toe off of my left foot, and did a transplant.

Everyone asks me if it was worth the surgery. People also want to know what it's like to have a toe there. I tell them all the same things. Being able to wiggle my nipple is awesome, though because the bone is still there it always has the appearance of being hard. So that's still a drawback. I also have to be careful not to get athlete's foot on my tit, and even more careful not to let some Betty suck it. It's hard to keep that rule when things are getting hot. But if a girl gets athlete's foot in her teeth it can turn into a terrible case of gingivitis. Then things will be hard for both of us. And also, remembering to keep my nipple nail trim is a hassle too. But it has caught on shirts before and ruined them. So I can't forget.
But all of these drawbacks can't take enough away from being able to walk around without a shirt on. How awesome is that, fellas?

Have you ever stubbed your nipple? 'cos that would hurt.

Fathers suck.

All they do is get horny and ejaculate inside mom.

jonesthecurl wrote:Have you ever stubbed your nipple? 'cos that would hurt.

One of the few times that it's ok for a man to cry.

Well, in your case the nip could join in, going "Wee-wee-wee-wee" all the way home.

Please join me in raising a drink to the baby I am successfully avoiding all responsibility for.

My father is dead, I do not appreciate you all turning this sad day into a comedy.

huamulan wrote:

Woodruff wrote:Historically, a comedy is a sad play...

What the hell is this?

barackattack/carpetman, why have you come back to try to troll me again? This is ridiculous.

I SAW IT TOO

Nice. You have vanquished the thread and my nipple.

Fatality, QUIRK WINS.

Is that a re-enactment of a screen shot from the Godfather?


We went for brunch at Nick's for fathers day because they grill steaks, it was perfect! Took Mrs. dimes Dad, my Mom and Dad and the kids.

After eating they came over because the wife made poppycock for them but left it at home on the table. Her Dad followed us back from the restaraunt, grabbed his Gift and left.

My parents took longer to get here and then stayed a while. My mom is doing pretty good especially considering we should have lost her to cancer a few years ago.

The little guy wanted to play Lego star wars on the wii. So we did, it was the first time I have tried it. After a while he quit. Then a bit later his sister joined in.

I guess I must like the game because we spent a little over 8 hours playing the first 6 levels.

Please, Woodroof, your comment appeared to have become lost in the system and I wanted to save it for posterity. I'm doing you a favor.

Fathers day for me will be on Friday.

9pm film4 The Godfather part 2. film finishes at 12:50

I might have to miss the last bit of Germany v Greece

I am going to have the TV all to myself and drink that bottle of Sambuca that Julie thinks she's going to have half of...

So: the curlette cooked grilled salmon with a little lemon juice, sauteed potatoes and (bless her!) mushy peas.
I'm proud.

Then we watched an on-demand movie, the second Jonny English movie.

Mrs the curl was not in evidence - she's stopped off with her Dad on the way back from running the Paris murder mystery.

Here's where the murder event was run...[coughs modestly]

2dimes wrote:Is that a re-enactment of a screen shot from the Godfather?


We went for brunch at Nick's for fathers day because they grill steaks, it was perfect! Took Mrs. dimes Dad, my Mom and Dad and the kids.

After eating they came over because the wife made poppycock for them but left it at home on the table. Her Dad followed us back from the restaraunt, grabbed his Gift and left.

My parents took longer to get here and then stayed a while. My mom is doing pretty good especially considering we should have lost her to cancer a few years ago.

The little guy wanted to play Lego star wars on the wii. So we did, it was the first time I have tried it. After a while he quit. Then a bit later his sister joined in.

I guess I must like the game because we spent a little over 8 hours playing the first 6 levels.

I have had some great fun playing Lego Star Wars with my daughter. We would end up in giggling fits: there is something hilarious about R2D2's scream when he is destroyed. Of course, once a girl is going on seventeen, there isn't much time for video games with Dad.

The curlette spoke up for her dad at school the other day - they were discussing the renaissence, and teacher was bemoaning the fact that there were no renaissence men any more like Leonardo. The curlettte said: "My Dad is. He cooks, draws, writes, acts, does comedy, writes quizzes, and a lot of other stuff too. And he knows a lot. SO it's now official at the school that there's no renaissence men left except for jonesthecurl.

jonesthecurl wrote:The curlette spoke up for her dad at school the other day - they were discussing the renaissence, and teacher was bemoaning the fact that there were no renaissence men any more like Leonardo. The curlettte said: "My Dad is. He cooks, draws, writes, acts, does comedy, writes quizzes, and a lot of other stuff too. And he knows a lot. SO it's now official at the school that there's no renaissence men left except for jonesthecurl.

In the teacher's defense, she's teaching in New Jersey. Not a lot of Renaissance men there.

I don't get father's and mother's day. They're just arbitrary celebrations.

So's Christmas, Easter, St Pat's day, blah blah blah.

Happy belated Father's Day.

I did not post sooner, simply because I had to work and then we celebrated with my husband.

Army of GOD wrote:I don't get father's and mother's day. They're just arbitrary celebrations.

Because most holidays aren't even remotely arbitrary. The Indians totally gave the Pilgrims a bunch of food every third Thursday in November. Pretty much everyone but the US celebrates Labor Day on May 1st because of something that happened in the US. And April 24th has been a venerated day for secretaries going back milennia, as it celebrates the first time somebody made another person's calendar.