What of this lame BS?
Posted:
Tue Jul 10, 2012 4:09 amby Maugena
Long since have I known about the relations between a man and a woman.
Long since have I began to long.
Long since have I felt the void of lonliness.
Disney be damned, they say there are plenty in the sea, though I never changed my mind.
I have had a plethora of dreams in which you were there, taking many forms.
Those in which, I take comfort in having you there.
I damn the dreams when I wake, realizing I am alone.
In my lack of self confidence and misplaced self-righteousness I have defeated the beginning that it, itself, was questionable, at best.
The longing turns to sadness, the sadness turns to despair.
In my despair, I become foolish and irate.
I have nothing to blame but myself, with my burning hatred steered at reality itself.
I just wrote this lame ass shit about 5 minutes ago.
Anyone have any thoughts on it?
dogtakingashit.jpg
Re: What of this lame BS?
Posted:
Tue Jul 10, 2012 4:41 amby BigBallinStalin
I see a 1970s scene in the jungle, hunting Charlie.
Re: What of this lame BS?
Posted:
Wed Jul 11, 2012 1:54 pmby Symmetry
Most poets have juvenalia. The problem would be if you looked at it and thought, "this is shit, I should never write poetry again", or, even worse, if you thought "this is great, no need for improvement".
You clearly like words, but you're not using the ones that speak to you. You're using words and phrases that you know have a history of speaking to others. "Depair", "Long since have I..."...
"plethora" ... seriously?
Go read some modern poets, see what you like. Play around with your own words- you've clearly got a knack for words that have depth and sound good. They're just not yours.
And don't show anyone a poem till you're happy with it.
Re: What of this lame BBS?
Posted:
Wed Jul 11, 2012 2:01 pmby 2dimes
Tell me jefe, do you know what "plethora" is?