An amusing waste of time
Posted:
Fri Oct 12, 2012 6:33 pmby Symmetry
Bic pens for women, 'cause apparently women can't hold man pens.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/BIC-For-Her-Medium-Ballpoint/dp/B004FTGJUWBest review:
Mr J Stevens wrote:Normally I only use pens designed and created for real men, in colours appropriate to such instruments of masculinity - black like my chest hair or blue like the steely glint of my eyes, or the metallic paintwork of my convertible Mustang sportscar. Imagine then the situation I found myself in when, upon taking delivery of another shipment of motorbike parts and footballs, I reached for and grasped not my normal BIC pen, but a `BIC for Her Amber Medium Ballpoint Pen' (evidently ordered by my well-meaning, but ill-informed girlfriend whilst my back was turned). I knew something was wrong when I had to physically restrain my hands, gnarled and worn from a lifetime of rock-climbing and shark wrestling, from crushing the fragile implement like a Faberge egg. Things only went downhill from there.
Normally my hand writing is defined and strong, as if chiselled in granite by the Greek gods themselves, however upon signing my name I noticed that my signature was uncharacteristically meandering and looping. More worryingly the dots above the I's manifested themselves as hearts, and I found myself finishing off the signature with a smiley face and kisses. Obviously I had no choice but to challenge the delivery man to a gun fight on the rim of an erupting volcano in order to reassert my dominance. Had I not won this honourable duel this particular mistake might have resulted in a situation that no amount of expensive single malt whiskey and Cuban cigars could banish. I leave this review here as a warning to all men about the dangers of using this particular device, and suffice-it-to-say will return to signing my name with a nail gun as normal.
Re: An amusing waste of time
Posted:
Fri Oct 12, 2012 6:42 pmby Funkyterrance
Are you sure they don't just double as something that might be very useful for a woman to have in her purse at all times?
Re: An amusing waste of time
Posted:
Fri Oct 12, 2012 6:47 pmby MegaProphet
the Denon AKDL1 Dedicated Link Cable reviews are pretty good too
http://www.amazon.com/Denon-AKDL1-Dedic ... lmf_tit_17Transmission of music data at rates faster than the speed of light seemed convenient, until I realized I was hearing the music before I actually wanted to play it. Apparently Denon forgot how accustomed most of us are to unidirectional time and the general laws of physics. I tried to get used to this effect but hearing songs play before I even realized I was in the mood for them just really screwed up my preconceptions of choice and free will. I'm still having a major existential hangover.
Would not purchase again.
Denon's mastery of Worm-Hole technology has really messed things up now. The meaninglessness of existence and the vacuity of thoughts of self are transparent to all now and we have no recourse to a universe in which we are forever doomed to wander under the compulsion of belief in our free will while simultaneously being unable to alter the reality of our actions over which we have no control yet must feel unmitigated guilt and anguish for the suffering we knowingly cause in the fabric of space-time.
Re: An amusing waste of time
Posted:
Fri Oct 12, 2012 6:47 pmby Symmetry
Funkyterrance wrote:Are you sure they don't just double as something that might be very useful for a woman to have in her purse at all times?
Also an option discussed in the reviews.
Re: An amusing waste of time
Posted:
Fri Oct 12, 2012 7:51 pmby padsta
my favourite, veet hair removal cream for men
After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly Rastafarian I decided to take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving attempts had only been mildly successful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach the more difficult bits. Being a bit of a romantic I thought I would do the deed on the missus's birthday as a bit if a treat.
I ordered it well in advance and working in the North Sea I considered myself a bit above some of the characters writing the previous reviews and wrote them off as soft office types...Oh my fellow sufferers how wrong I was. I waited until the other half was tucked up in bed and after giving some vague hints about a special surprise I went down to the bathroom. Initially all went well and I applied the gel and stood waiting for something to happen. I didn’t have long to wait.
At first there was a gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was replaced by an intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given a barbed wire wedgie by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my head. Religion hadn't featured much in my life until that night but I suddenly became willing to convert to any religion to stop the violent burning around the turd tunnel and what seemed like the the destruction of the meat and two veg. Struggling not to bite through my bottom lip I tried to wash the gel off in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the plughole with a mat of hair. Through the haze of tears I struggled out of the bathroom across the hall into the kitchen, by this time walking was not really possible and I crawled the final yard to the fridge in the hope of some form of cold relief. I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice cream, toe the lid off and positioned it under me. The relief was fantastic but only temporary as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery stabbing returned. Due to the shape of the ice cream tub I hadn’t managed to give the starfish any treatment and I groped around in the draw for something else as I was sure my vision was going to fail fairly soon. I grabbed a bag of what I later found out was frozen sprouts and tore it open trying to be quiet as I did so. I took a handful of them and an tried in vain to clench some between the cheeks of my arse. This was not doing the trick as some of the gel had found its way up the chutney channel and it felt like the space shuttle was running its engines behind me.
This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen which should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain. The only solution my pain crazed mind could come up with was to gently ease one of the sprouts where no veg had gone before.
Unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen the other half chose that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by the sight of me, arse in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell end pushing a sprout up my arse while muttering “ooooohhh that feels good” Understandably this was a shock to her and she let out a scream and as I hadn’t heard her come in it caused an involuntary spasm of shock in myself which resulted in the sprout being ejected at quite some speed in her direction. I can understand that having a sprout fired against your leg at 11 at night in the kitchen probably wasn’t the special surprise she was expecting and having to explain to the kids the next day what the strange hollow in the ice cream was didn’t improve my status…so to sum it up, VEET removes hair, dignity and self-respect
Re: An amusing waste of time
Posted:
Fri Oct 12, 2012 9:12 pmby BigBallinStalin
MegaProphet wrote:the Denon AKDL1 Dedicated Link Cable reviews are pretty good too
http://www.amazon.com/Denon-AKDL1-Dedic ... lmf_tit_17Transmission of music data at rates faster than the speed of light seemed convenient, until I realized I was hearing the music before I actually wanted to play it. Apparently Denon forgot how accustomed most of us are to unidirectional time and the general laws of physics. I tried to get used to this effect but hearing songs play before I even realized I was in the mood for them just really screwed up my preconceptions of choice and free will. I'm still having a major existential hangover.
Would not purchase again.
Denon's mastery of Worm-Hole technology has really messed things up now. The meaninglessness of existence and the vacuity of thoughts of self are transparent to all now and we have no recourse to a universe in which we are forever doomed to wander under the compulsion of belief in our free will while simultaneously being unable to alter the reality of our actions over which we have no control yet must feel unmitigated guilt and anguish for the suffering we knowingly cause in the fabric of space-time.
Hahaha, excellent reading to procrastinate with.
e.g. see: "OMG OMG OMG OMG THIS IS THE CABLE!,"
Re: An amusing waste of time
Posted:
Fri Oct 12, 2012 10:50 pmby nietzsche
naive question: why do people troll these products? the cable don't seem to have any special advertising claims, maybe they deleted them.
