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6 Awful Board Games According to Cracked (guess what's 2nd?)

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6 Awful Board Games According to Cracked (guess what's 2nd?)

Postby macbone on Thu Mar 07, 2013 7:14 am

So, Luke McKinney over at Cracked.com posted a new article, 6 Board Games That Ruined It for Everyone.

From the piece:

Luke McKinney wrote:Risk is worse for family game night than incest. It simulates all the boredom and relentless repetition of trench warfare, but at least people really dying on the Eastern Front wished they were home with their beloved family. You are home, and now you hate the bastards.

The worst part of Risk is victory by excruciation. A well-designed game has tactics and skill building to a climax, a thrilling race to victory, and when someone has clearly won, it's because the game is over. In Risk, someone can win hours before it ends, and they will not let you just admit it and leave. They spent hours carefully planning this victory, and by God you are going to sit there and patiently lose for just as many hours so that they can enjoy it properly. They've turned having fun into a zero-sum game.

This is the same psychopath who can be in control of two-thirds of the entire world and still whinge about how unfair it is that people are ganging up on them. The one who insists that there are more tactics than "Take Australia and try not to succumb to dice-rolling repetitive strain injury."


Most of this is pretty spot on. =)

Again from the article:

What You Should Play Instead: Settlers of Catan


Sounds good to me!
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Re: 6 Awful Board Games According to Cracked (guess what's 2

Postby BigBallinStalin on Thu Mar 07, 2013 9:44 am

Oh, is he one of those cranky, old farts who have yet to discover conquerclub.com? Intensity cubes ftw.
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Re: 6 Awful Board Games According to Cracked (guess what's 2

Postby Maugena on Thu Mar 07, 2013 1:50 pm

Settlers of Catan ftw!
Renewed yet infused with apathy.
Let's just have a good time, all right?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zjQii_BboIk
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Re: 6 Awful Board Games According to Cracked (guess what's 2

Postby Army of GOD on Thu Mar 07, 2013 2:30 pm

Maugena wrote:Settlers of Catan ftw!


Settlers should've been moved to number 1 and Diplomacy should've been the replacement for RISK.

Settlers is much more like Monopoly than RISK and Diplomacy is pretty much RISK minus the randomness.
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Re: 6 Awful Board Games According to Cracked (guess what's 2

Postby Maugena on Thu Mar 07, 2013 4:25 pm

Army of GOD wrote:
Maugena wrote:Settlers of Catan ftw!


Settlers should've been moved to number 1 and Diplomacy should've been the replacement for RISK.

Settlers is much more like Monopoly than RISK and Diplomacy is pretty much RISK minus the randomness.

Hardly.
Risk is terrible.
I'd like to go over why Risk is terrible and Settlers is great, but I really don't care to waste my time on it.
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Re: 6 Awful Board Games According to Cracked (guess what's 2

Postby Army of GOD on Thu Mar 07, 2013 11:08 pm

Maugena wrote:
Army of GOD wrote:
Maugena wrote:Settlers of Catan ftw!


Settlers should've been moved to number 1 and Diplomacy should've been the replacement for RISK.

Settlers is much more like Monopoly than RISK and Diplomacy is pretty much RISK minus the randomness.

Hardly.
Risk is terrible.
I'd like to go over why Risk is terrible and Settlers is great, but I really don't care to waste my time on it.


What? I'm agreeing with you. I love Settlers.
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Re: 6 Awful Board Games According to Cracked (guess what's 2

Postby Lil_SlimShady on Thu Mar 07, 2013 11:19 pm

Maugena wrote:Settlers of Catan ftw!

I read that as Settlers of Satan. For a few seconds there I could not figure out how that is a more family friendly game than risk
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Re: 6 Awful Board Games According to Cracked (guess what's 2

Postby Army of GOD on Thu Mar 07, 2013 11:21 pm

Maug, in every Settlers game you play is there always a shortage of brick? That seems to hold true literally every single game.
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Re: 6 Awful Board Games According to Cracked (guess what's 2

Postby Baron Von PWN on Thu Mar 07, 2013 11:57 pm

I've had games where there is a ridiculous glut of brick and hardly any wood. Sheep seems to be universally unwanted, which is why the sheep port is so kick ass.

cool article both for showing off some interesting games I hadn't heard about and also for reinforcing my geek cred, have 3 of the good board games.

AOG you slander Diplomacy heinously.
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Re: 6 Awful Board Games According to Cracked (guess what's 2

Postby Army of GOD on Fri Mar 08, 2013 12:18 am

Baron Von PWN wrote:I've had games where there is a ridiculous glut of brick and hardly any wood. Sheep seems to be universally unwanted, which is why the sheep port is so kick ass.

cool article both for showing off some interesting games I hadn't heard about and also for reinforcing my geek cred, have 3 of the good board games.

AOG you slander Diplomacy heinously.


wtf I didn't slander Diplomacy. I love Diplomacy too. I'm saying it's a better version of world domination (or, well, European domination) than RISK.
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Re: 6 Awful Board Games According to Cracked (guess what's 2

Postby BigBallinStalin on Fri Mar 08, 2013 12:51 am

Army of GOD wrote:Maug, in every Settlers game you play is there always a shortage of brick? That seems to hold true literally every single game.


Lrn2trade
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Re: 6 Awful Board Games According to Cracked (guess what's 2

Postby BigBallinStalin on Fri Mar 08, 2013 12:51 am

Baron Von PWN wrote:I've had games where there is a ridiculous glut of brick and hardly any wood. Sheep seems to be universally unwanted, which is why the sheep port is so kick ass.

cool article both for showing off some interesting games I hadn't heard about and also for reinforcing my geek cred, have 3 of the good board games.

AOG you slander Diplomacy heinously.


You and AoG and whoever y'all play against seem to not understand trade.
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Re: 6 Awful Board Games According to Cracked (guess what's 2

Postby Shape on Fri Mar 08, 2013 1:01 am

Settlers is my shit. It's always fun cockblocking my uncle cuz he thinks he's good :P

-Shape
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Re: 6 Awful Board Games According to Cracked (guess what's 2

Postby Army of GOD on Fri Mar 08, 2013 1:38 am

BigBallinStalin wrote:
Army of GOD wrote:Maug, in every Settlers game you play is there always a shortage of brick? That seems to hold true literally every single game.


Lrn2trade


no, f*ck you. I'm self-sufficient
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Re: 6 Awful Board Games According to Cracked (guess what's 2

Postby Shape on Fri Mar 08, 2013 2:06 am

Army of GOD wrote:
BigBallinStalin wrote:
Army of GOD wrote:Maug, in every Settlers game you play is there always a shortage of brick? That seems to hold true literally every single game.


Lrn2trade


no, f*ck you. I'm self-sufficient

Aww, you're cute!

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Re: 6 Awful Board Games According to Cracked (guess what's 2

Postby BigBallinStalin on Fri Mar 08, 2013 2:09 am

Army of GOD wrote:
BigBallinStalin wrote:
Army of GOD wrote:Maug, in every Settlers game you play is there always a shortage of brick? That seems to hold true literally every single game.


Lrn2trade


no, f*ck you. I'm self-sufficient


Why do you reject the creation of additional wealth?

Why not embrace your comparative advantage to live free and prosper?
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Re: 6 Awful Board Games According to Cracked (guess what's 2

Postby Baron Von PWN on Fri Mar 08, 2013 3:49 am

BigBallinStalin wrote:
Baron Von PWN wrote:I've had games where there is a ridiculous glut of brick and hardly any wood. Sheep seems to be universally unwanted, which is why the sheep port is so kick ass.

cool article both for showing off some interesting games I hadn't heard about and also for reinforcing my geek cred, have 3 of the good board games.

AOG you slander Diplomacy heinously.


You and AoG and whoever y'all play against seem to not understand trade.


Usualy it ends up being. "you have 8 points, therefore I refuse to trade with you" either that or through a fluke of the board there is only one decently productive source of a resource. Which of course has been hammered by the robber mercilessly.

It's not that we don't understand trade, it's that trade is not always win-win in catan, sometimes trading will result in I win you all lose.
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Re: 6 Awful Board Games According to Cracked (guess what's 2

Postby macbone on Fri Mar 08, 2013 10:31 am

So, when's http://www.ExplorerClub.com rolling out?

I seriously heard of Settlers of Canaan before Catan.

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Settlers of Catan - preventing date rape, one scum bag at a time (courtesy of David Willis' Dumbing of Age).
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Re: 6 Awful Board Games According to Cracked (guess what's 2

Postby BigBallinStalin on Fri Mar 08, 2013 5:17 pm

Baron Von PWN wrote:
BigBallinStalin wrote:
Baron Von PWN wrote:I've had games where there is a ridiculous glut of brick and hardly any wood. Sheep seems to be universally unwanted, which is why the sheep port is so kick ass.

cool article both for showing off some interesting games I hadn't heard about and also for reinforcing my geek cred, have 3 of the good board games.

AOG you slander Diplomacy heinously.


You and AoG and whoever y'all play against seem to not understand trade.


Usualy it ends up being. "you have 8 points, therefore I refuse to trade with you" either that or through a fluke of the board there is only one decently productive source of a resource. Which of course has been hammered by the robber mercilessly.

It's not that we don't understand trade, it's that trade is not always win-win in catan, sometimes trading will result in I win you all lose.


Communist!

(yeah, I understand, but can a ninja get a table dance?)
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Re: 6 Awful Board Games According to Cracked (guess what's 2

Postby TheSaxlad on Fri Mar 08, 2013 5:20 pm

I tried playing settlers. I managed to put the Jigsaw... I mean board together, before I got bored with it... it took me 1/2 an hour.
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Re: 6 Awful Board Games According to Cracked (guess what's 2

Postby BigBallinStalin on Fri Mar 08, 2013 5:29 pm

That's weird. It takes normal people about 5 minutes to set it up.
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Re: 6 Awful Board Games According to Cracked (guess what's 2

Postby notyou2 on Fri Mar 08, 2013 8:06 pm

I think Cracked has discovered why CC membership is down.
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Re: 6 Awful Board Games According to Cracked (guess what's 2

Postby Symmetry on Fri Mar 08, 2013 8:10 pm

BigBallinStalin wrote:That's weird. It takes normal people about 5 minutes to set it up.


He should maybe have started with the pieces that have corners.
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Re: 6 Awful Board Games According to Cracked (guess what's 2

Postby Juan_Bottom on Fri Mar 08, 2013 10:39 pm

I loved the explanation of why Risk sucks.

"It's when you're being beaten, and the other person won't let you quit."

Was this list made in Soviet Russia?
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Re: 6 Awful Board Games According to Cracked (guess what's 2

Postby Frigidus on Fri Mar 08, 2013 11:40 pm

Army of GOD wrote:Maug, in every Settlers game you play is there always a shortage of brick? That seems to hold true literally every single game.


There's definitely way too many sheep.
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