Conquer Club

Anyone got any pile-related anecdotes? Or alternative treatments?

Are your piles organized?

Not as far as I know. They're rather willy nilly, and hard to shift.

Nickbaldwin wrote:Anyone got any pile-related anecdotes? Or alternative treatments?

Eat less cheese and more stuff with vitimin E (don't take my word).

brooksieb wrote:

Nickbaldwin wrote:Anyone got any pile-related anecdotes? Or alternative treatments?

Eat less cheese and more stuff with vitimin E (don't take my word).

Why would what I eat affect it? I literally cannot move them.

Nickbaldwin wrote:

brooksieb wrote:

Nickbaldwin wrote:Anyone got any pile-related anecdotes? Or alternative treatments?

Eat less cheese and more stuff with vitimin E (don't take my word).

Why would what I eat affect it? I literally cannot move them.

Definately don't sit on the toilet for long though. Warm baths are also good, fibre rich foods are good too.

But I can't move because of the piles!

Might I recommend boxes?

It's gotten past that stage. My piles are so heaped that I cannot move.

Oh dear... You should have come to us sooner. You'll have to call/email somebody to take care of your piles for you now.

I feel a bit uncomfortable about someone touching my piles though.

Nickbaldwin wrote:I feel a bit uncomfortable about someone touching my piles though.

That's all i can help with at the moment, the best you can do is look on wikipedia, or even better a site like BUPA or consult the doctor or something like that.

You're gonna have to suck it up man... There's no other option now. Perhaps not letting them near the more delicate piles?

I think there are whole networks on Direct TV devoted to organizing, cleaning, selling on ebay or otherwise ridding yourself of piles. GL. My least favorite pile was always Gomer.

I'll arrange for someone to get rid of the bigger piles then I can sort out the rest with good old elbow grease. Thanks for the help everyone.

a fellow sufferer has arrived.

I went to the doctor once complaining about my 'Juddith Chalmers'
true to NHS waiting lists, by the time by hospital appointment came around - my metric miles has virtually disappeared

my hospital story (short version)

I went into a room and had to drop my strides. A doctor and a trainee doctor had a look up my 'arris. the doctor then went in another room and came out with a nurse and another trainee. so now I'm lying on my front, in a room with 4 medical people.
the doctor put on a pair of latex gloves and unscrewed a tube of KY jelly. 'This is going to be cold at first' he told me
straight away he stuck his finger up my arse (and he was right - it was cold) had a rummage around with a couple of fingers and concluded that there were a couple of stools in the way.
'I'll go have have a dump' I said
'nonsense' said the doctor ' well have those out in a jiffy'

I was dumbstruck - this bloke would of rather pulled lumps of shit out of my bum with his fingers, instead of letting me go and have a turn out on my own.

So he asked for a kidney bowl, and stuck his fingers back up there and proceeded to pull shit out of my bum whilst another 3 people looked on.

it turned out in the end that my piles had reduced naturally to the point that they couldn't do anything, so i had spent 10 minutes of my life having poo removed from my arse care of the NHS

Pedronicus wrote:a fellow sufferer has arrived.

I went to the doctor once complaining about my 'Juddith Chalmers'
true to NHS waiting lists, by the time by hospital appointment came around - my metric miles has virtually disappeared

my hospital story (short version)

I went into a room and had to drop my strides. A doctor and a trainee doctor had a look up my 'arris. the doctor then went in another room and came out with a nurse and another trainee. so now I'm lying on my front, in a room with 4 medical people.
the doctor put on a pair of latex gloves and unscrewed a tube of KY jelly. 'This is going to be cold at first' he told me
straight away he stuck his finger up my arse (and he was right - it was cold) had a rummage around with a couple of fingers and concluded that there were a couple of stools in the way.
'I'll go have have a dump' I said
'nonsense' said the doctor ' well have those out in a jiffy'

I was dumbstruck - this bloke would of rather pulled lumps of shit out of my bum with his fingers, instead of letting me go and have a turn out on my own.

So he asked for a kidney bowl, and stuck his fingers back up there and proceeded to pull shit out of my bum whilst another 3 people looked on.

it turned out in the end that my piles had reduced naturally to the point that they couldn't do anything, so i had spent 10 minutes of my life having poo removed from my arse care of the NHS

lmao

I was going to suggest a forklift but I think pedro has just rendered that unnecessary.