The scene, a bar, low lit, dingy with Roberta flack playing quietly in the corner….
A banquette was full of unsavoury types, wondering about these freemiums running round the neighbourhood…
Lighting a Cuban, Owen ‘The weasel’ Exterminator blew out a cloud of smoke….”Now you listen to me guys….I ain’t got nuttin against these godamn freemiums running round the neighbourhood, but if I wanna take my time doin’ summit’ then they just gotta godamn wait, that’s all I’m sayin’ you understand? They gotta have respect man, I mean; we pay for their families, for their food…wadda they want? A godamn war between us and them? You know guys, if I had my way, we would make em stay wit’ their own, they ain’t no better than godamn Babbos thinking they are godamn Cugines, but they ain’t got the cohunes. When they’re made, then they can talk to us like they wanna, until then, I say let stay the hell outta our business”
The others around the table nodded seriously in agreement.
Vito GenoVose, taking his trilby off concurred “yeah, and if I wanna take my time freestyle, then I’ll godamn take my time…you know what I mean guys” … the rest of the table nodded, they knew freestyle meant giving someone ‘a turban’ more often than not….
Owen ‘the shooter’ leant forwards “Owen, your name is my name, you gotta be right. I donna care what any rat says! If you hear that anyone here on the neighbourhood says you ain’t telling the trut’ round here then you make sure I hear about it, you hear me.”…
‘Weasel’ nodded, slightly confused with all the ‘hears’ and ‘heres’, wondering if he should ask, ‘Shooter’ started cracking his knuckles one by one and Weasel decided to leave it for the time being.
Klet ‘the carrott’, known as such for obvious reasons and gnawing on a raw carrot joined them, His oversized front teeth proving a very useful tool for scraping off one long strip at a time….what with the sound of cracking knuckles, and the sound of a carrot being shredded one strip at a time, it was slowly building to quite a tune. Looking at ‘weasel’ he said “Hey, go play some of those Mustache Petes, they’ll harden that thin skin of yours”
Pedro Milano Niarchos, something of a Mustache Pete himself added…”If I was Capo, they would be godamned kept away from playing 1 on 1…you know what I mean Guys?” …the others nodded wisely, they all enjoyed playing 1 on 1 with their Comares from time to time. Pedro sat back and wiped the beer off his mighty handlebar moustache.
Daz ‘the sandwich man’ FC whispered Pedro’s words to himself....just to make sure he understood…”And I say ban them oobatz players from our streets, they got no idea”
The rest all nodded wisely again. ‘Sandwich’, known as such because of his affection for them in large quantities, bit into his Gabagool stuffed crusty Italian loaf…..
S’troop 'the Box' Clemenza joined in “Why they got no idea? Can’t they be made?....if a godamn freemium asks for RT, just tell ‘em no! If they start begging, godamn whack ‘em” The heads nodded again, this time with murmuring assent, they all knew about whacking.
Daz retorted “I just wish they would godamn learn how to play by our rules”
Jimmy ‘little’ Insky smiled “you’re like clockwork my friend, I keep letting them on my turf, they gotta learn…but do they learn? Nah, I reckon some nice electric probes would help”….Everyone liked this, Jimmy was known for his skill with electrical currents…although it has to be said, there was a time when one of his young Turks brought him a case of dried currants once when Jimmy asked for his “full current bag with all the extras”….he got whacked.
The smoke got thicker as they sat there quietly except for the gentle rhythm now being played out by the cracking, scraping and crunching…..
‘The Box’ exclaimed…“So what we is saying is we gotta teach them? Maddon! I never had no friend show me no godamn ropes, they’re like a bunch of godamn Fanooks!!!” Executing a swift gesture, he slapped the inner part of his right elbow with his left hand, bringing his right hand up sharply at the same time….and just missed knocking out Jimmy ‘little’ who was leaning forward for a light from ‘the shooter’….who in the meantime was trying unsuccessfully to work out all the split infinitives and double negatives.
Daz interjected…”I donna mind playing with these guys if that Injun Wacchy Chicha is around. I just warn them I don’ wan’ no talk, and if they talk, then I just drop them. I tell ‘em, don’t go rushing like some Turk, take it easy…some listen, some don’t.”
Pierra “the player”, a Family female of some repute, overhearing their conversation came over “Owen, I gotta say, if they ask nice, then I’ll play nice...but I tell ‘em, I got responsibilities, you know what I mean, then if they badmouth me, then I just arrange a double Decker for them.”
Jimmy looked across at ‘The Box’ “You gotta be kidding, give them a jolt!”
‘The Box’ thought about this…”You know jimmy, that ain’t such a bad idea, we could make sure the Family got summing out of it, the Capo would be happy…everyone would be happy”…Jimmy was happy with this agreement, he just wished Box would remember to capitalise his name.
Mandy ‘Balls’ Biollacci a high ranking madam who ran a large turf piped in “But if a player sets it up, then we gotta respect that, perhaps we should give them an option…failing that, call Jimmy, but I like to distract ‘em….”…the guys smiled…they knew about ‘Balls’ and her distractions.
“Thank you my friend” said Jimmy to ‘The Box’, “you and I think the same…Lack “the turtle” Tack would be very happy…think about the moolah!”…looking over at ‘Balls’ he continued,”I would like to use my bag of tricks on you babe, but I doubt it would effect ya none…as for them that talks too much, the fishes need to eat”
‘Balls’ smiled quietly and lit another cigarette….she knew why he was called Jimmy Little….
Jones “the bones” Carletti piped up “So whadda we call this treatment? Fry a freemium? “ Everyone round the table chuckled….except Jimmy, who remembered when a freemium GI “Toes” Joe recently caught him out….that day hurt.
‘Weasel’ looked up, he had been thinking wistfully about Federica ‘the Frog’ Furnari with whom he had spent the evening before eating some pasta pies, this reflected in his weight…..”I ain’t being thin skinned Klet; I gotta have an opinion, so I speak my opinion, cabishe!”
Pierra looked across at ‘Balls’ ...”we already gotta option, it’s called Speed”
“We ain’t doing no speed round here” countered ‘Balls’ missing the point.
Mr “fixit” Changsha, well known for his trips to the Orient, chipped in. “Well the Triads offer the choice for these godamn freemiums in their areas, but they gotta play among their own. I stopped when a freemium, not of the Family, gave me a low rating, maybe you can help there ‘Tiny’. I think any freemium caught stepping outta line should maybe have they cohunes cut one by one”
The rest agreed with this, especially Jimmy who liked the idea of a short sharp jolt first, but wasn’t keen on being downgraded to tiny from little...
A freemium still ‘making his bones’ called Neo Peonnetti, sitting at the bar stepped over…”I keep telling these godamn freemiums…freaking switch! Then you don’t have to worry ‘bout speed”
A confirmed freemium called Draconian Unintel piped up….”I think you guys are being hard, there’s a lot of freemiums out there who don’t upset you guys, back off them a bit huh….”
Tiny reached for the bag under the table, ‘Balls’ put a hand on his arm and nodded from side to side…this place was just too public.
A runner, called ‘The Creep’ squeaked from the back of the bar….no one listened.
‘Fixit’ Changsha shouted over to Unintel “You may be right, but when we get told to move it, we don’t appreciate it….geddit”
Daz, who had been watching ‘Balls’ murmured “I like this jolt idea…we could use it on a woman’s hips”
‘Little’ responded…”I tried to get this through the Commission, but they ain’t listening….”
‘The Weasel’, not happy with Unintel’s comment shouted over “You think is a godamn joke? I’ll show you a godamn joke!” Again, ‘Balls’ nodded negatively, this was no place for ‘Little’ to be exposed like that….But she need not have worried….he continued, ”If I got an opinion, I’ll godamn state that opinion, and you or no other freemium is gonna tell me otherwise wise guy…most of you freemiums have a bad attitude, that’s all I am sayin’, cabiche?”
‘Balls’ trying to change the subject told them all about a little toy she had found….’The Weasel’ thought about Federica and her size from all the pasta eating, Jimmy just looked wistful…
A freemium, known to ‘Sandwich’ heard the last comment from ‘Balls’ and said from the Bar, “Dontcha go telling the Lady ‘bout this, I wont stand a chance!”
‘Sandwich looked round on recognising the voice “Hey, how are you my friend?”…others round the table raised an eyebrow…between them…
Jimmy leant forward…“Why dontcha have him for being a godamn freemium Sandwich?”…once again ensuring his bag of tricks was close to hand….
