Parent of the Year

[pimpdave]

Well everyone, it's high time we rate all of the parents here on CC. First up, we have one of the most popular members of Conquer Club:

I would allow you into my house to "entertain" my kids. My son's, both of whom have had ample experience with fire arms would be instructed to show you no mercy and not to allow you to leave the premises alive.

they would plead self defense and given that they are both under the age of 10, they would probably get away with it.

So, while the forcing your children to lie under oath part is worth at least 5 points, and training them to lure strangers into the home to murder them is worth about 12, the whole staking the lives of your children on the premise that they would "probably get away with it" is worth 1,000 points, meaning that, on the Parent of the Year scale of 100, black elk speaks scores a 1,017.

No one can even come close now, so all nominations can only be for next year's contest. Everyone, please praise the newly crowned Conquer Club Parent of the Year.



Congratulations black elk speaks. You (probably) deserve it!


[more nominations welcome]

[black elk speaks]

so, I have to ask, why don't you bring your comments into flame wars?

I am particularly curious in your mention of perjury though. Do tell the court of your legal experience and how you presume to know so much on the law? were you ever a lawyer?

I particularly like how you take my comments out of context. King Herpes was insinuating that he be permitted unfettered access to my children as some sort of child molesting clown. I would indeed encourage my sons to disembowel such a "clown" with extreme prejudice.

[pimpdave]

But this isn't a flame. This is an award. For you!

Also, where do you find clowns to practice disemboweling on? Or would Clown Herpes be used for practice?

[black elk speaks]

But this isn't a flame. This is an award. For you!

Also, where do you find clowns to practice disemboweling on? Or would Clown Herpes be used for practice?

Having never actually disemboweled a human being, I cannot imagine that doing so to a deer can honestly be all that different. But I will tell you what, if anyone ever does attempt to molest or intentionally hurt any of my children, i would then be likely to tell you.

[King_Herpes]

so, I have to ask, why don't you bring your comments into flame wars?

I am particularly curious in your mention of perjury though. Do tell the court of your legal experience and how you presume to know so much on the law? were you ever a lawyer?

I particularly like how you take my comments out of context. King Herpes was insinuating that he be permitted unfettered access to my children as some sort of child molesting clown. I would indeed encourage my sons to disembowel such a "clown" with extreme prejudice.

I resent this statement. Unless your children reminded me of myself at a younger age. Then, and only then would that be okay to insinuate. Micheal Jackson taught us that. In this instance, I would also ask that you request for your children to castrate me with a wooden spoon. Thank you, and congrats on the award!

[black elk speaks]

so, I have to ask, why don't you bring your comments into flame wars?

I am particularly curious in your mention of perjury though. Do tell the court of your legal experience and how you presume to know so much on the law? were you ever a lawyer?

I particularly like how you take my comments out of context. King Herpes was insinuating that he be permitted unfettered access to my children as some sort of child molesting clown. I would indeed encourage my sons to disembowel such a "clown" with extreme prejudice.

I resent this statement. Unless your children reminded me of myself at a younger age. Then, and only then would that be okay to insinuate. Micheal Jackson taught us that. In this instance, I would also ask that you request for your children to castrate me with a wooden spoon. Thank you, and congrats on the award!

Castration by a dull and rusty blade only... the wooden spoon would be shoved up your ass. Sorry, you can't get it your way, right away, but I hope the outcome is sufficient nonetheless.

[King_Herpes]

so, I have to ask, why don't you bring your comments into flame wars?

I am particularly curious in your mention of perjury though. Do tell the court of your legal experience and how you presume to know so much on the law? were you ever a lawyer?

I particularly like how you take my comments out of context. King Herpes was insinuating that he be permitted unfettered access to my children as some sort of child molesting clown. I would indeed encourage my sons to disembowel such a "clown" with extreme prejudice.

I resent this statement. Unless your children reminded me of myself at a younger age. Then, and only then would that be okay to insinuate. Micheal Jackson taught us that. In this instance, I would also ask that you request for your children to castrate me with a wooden spoon. Thank you, and congrats on the award!

Castration by a dull and rusty blade only... the wooden spoon would be shoved up your ass. Sorry, you can't get it your way, right away, but I hope the outcome is sufficient nonetheless.

I understand your position bes. Beggars can't be choosers. It'll have to suffice. Maybe I could do a gig at your next birthday party to help break the ice between us? I could bring that book and maybe take a gander at your award. What do you say?

[black elk speaks]

so, I have to ask, why don't you bring your comments into flame wars?

I am particularly curious in your mention of perjury though. Do tell the court of your legal experience and how you presume to know so much on the law? were you ever a lawyer?

I particularly like how you take my comments out of context. King Herpes was insinuating that he be permitted unfettered access to my children as some sort of child molesting clown. I would indeed encourage my sons to disembowel such a "clown" with extreme prejudice.

I resent this statement. Unless your children reminded me of myself at a younger age. Then, and only then would that be okay to insinuate. Micheal Jackson taught us that. In this instance, I would also ask that you request for your children to castrate me with a wooden spoon. Thank you, and congrats on the award!

Castration by a dull and rusty blade only... the wooden spoon would be shoved up your ass. Sorry, you can't get it your way, right away, but I hope the outcome is sufficient nonetheless.

I understand your position bes. Beggars can't be choosers. It'll have to suffice. Maybe I could do a gig at your next birthday party to help break the ice between us? I could bring that book and maybe take a gander at your award. What do you say?

it would take a lot of guts for you to still want to come and "entertain" my children after all that I have said... but hay, i guess you'll need all the guts you can muster.

[King_Herpes]

I understand your position bes. Beggars can't be choosers. It'll have to suffice. Maybe I could do a gig at your next birthday party to help break the ice between us? I could bring that book and maybe take a gander at your award. What do you say?

it would take a lot of guts for you to still want to come and "entertain" my children after all that I have said... but hay, i guess you'll need all the guts you can muster.

So it's on? Great! Let me know the date so I can mark it on my calendar. I can't wait to tell the other clowns...."I'm going to entertain a birthday party for the kids of the Parent of The Year", they will be sooo jealous. I better be going, I have so much to prepare. You will not regret this....

[black elk speaks]

I understand your position bes. Beggars can't be choosers. It'll have to suffice. Maybe I could do a gig at your next birthday party to help break the ice between us? I could bring that book and maybe take a gander at your award. What do you say?

it would take a lot of guts for you to still want to come and "entertain" my children after all that I have said... but hay, i guess you'll need all the guts you can muster.

So it's on? Great! Let me know the date so I can mark it on my calendar. I can't wait to tell the other clowns...."I'm going to entertain a birthday party for the kids of the Parent of The Year", they will be sooo jealous. I better be going, I have so much to prepare. You will not regret this....

okay, I have gone from not knowing why i don't like you to actually thinking you are funny.

[King_Herpes]

I understand your position bes. Beggars can't be choosers. It'll have to suffice. Maybe I could do a gig at your next birthday party to help break the ice between us? I could bring that book and maybe take a gander at your award. What do you say?

it would take a lot of guts for you to still want to come and "entertain" my children after all that I have said... but hay, i guess you'll need all the guts you can muster.

So it's on? Great! Let me know the date so I can mark it on my calendar. I can't wait to tell the other clowns...."I'm going to entertain a birthday party for the kids of the Parent of The Year", they will be sooo jealous. I better be going, I have so much to prepare. You will not regret this....

okay, I have gone from not knowing why i don't like you to actually thinking you are funny.

Please excuse my innuendos bes. I was only trying to get a laugh out of you because you swatted my meaning of life post aside as if it were a house fly. You're a good sport to put up with my nonsense. I'm sure you are a great father in real life. Please refrain from taking me so seriously if you are looking for the humor in what I say. I have a very dry sense of humor.

p.s. the clown question was a web I spindled just hoping you would fall in. There was obviously no good answer to that garbage. But I must say you handled it quite well. Thanks for the laughs!

[black elk speaks]

absolutely.

[Dancing Mustard]

Thanks for the laughs guys. This was golden.

[Pedronicus]

*tisk* NOT visiting Santa, silly boy... but i AM gonna see Colonel Jim Bowie's knife... eeeeeek, i just recalled a supressed childhood memory... my Dad bought me and my brother Bowie knives when I was 8, we were in the yard cutting weeping willow branches when i swung a bit too far and cut my brothers' finger to the bone... blood everywhere, he went into shock and was puking and peeing... i thought he was gonna die... my parents finally stopped the bleeding and got him on ice, and then i heard my Dad in a most angry voice say he was gonna give me the whipping of my life... at that moment i stopped crying about what happened to my brother and started crying for MY life, which I figured was about to end... but then my Dad saw my face, and he realized that I hadn't done it on purpose, so there was no need for the belt. My Dad was cool, but he lacked a certain parental gene... He gave me a high powered BB gun on my 6th birthday... it was sooo much effort just to cock it... you can imagine how THAT went... hehehee... and there was the bow and arrow set when i was 9... my brother nailed my little sister in the ankle, through her shoe... we're talking real arrows here... lol... as a parent, i just have to laugh... I sent my daughter to France when she was 12, but she went with my mother and my sister, and they agreed with me that she wouldn't be alone for a minute... but when i was 12, my parents put me on a plane to Europe (alone), I had to change airports in London, catch a connecting flight to Paris, get myself and my bags to the train station, transfer onto the Metro, and get to a specific station... where my Grandmother would meet me... hehehe, I missed the flight in London. But what a great adventure... roaming Paris all day, "be home when it get's dark" was the only rule... Crazy, crazy...

[pimpdave]

Pffft! That's nothing!

When I was 12 my parents shoved me out of the house to walk 12 miles up hill just to get to the sharecropping farm (about 12 acres in size) to work 12 hour days for only 12 dollars a day.