Post a good joke

by **clapper011** on Tue Apr 06, 2010 3:23 pm

Computer Women

A .. HARD-DISK Woman: She remembers everything you say and do,FOREVER.!!!

B... WINDOWS Woman: Everyone knows that she can't do anything right, but you can't live without her.

C... EXCEL Woman: They say she can do a lot of things but you mostly use her for only four of your basic needs.

D... SCREENSAVER Woman: She is good for nothing functional, but at least she is exciting, colourful, and lots of fun!

E... INTERNET Woman: Difficult to access and hard to keep running.!!!

F... SERVER Woman: Claims to be available to you, but Always busy when you need her.

G... MULTIMEDIA Woman: She has a way of making horrible things look very beautiful.

H... CD-ROM Woman: She always has you on the move, going faster and faster.!!!

I... E-MAIL Woman: Out of Every ten things she says, eight are plain nonsense.

J... VIRUS Woman: Also known as "WIFE"; when you are least expecting her, she shows up, installs herself, and starts gobbling up all your resources. If you try to uninstall her, you will lose almost every thing. If you don't try to uninstall her, you will still have nothing.

by **Falkomagno** on Thu Apr 08, 2010 1:40 pm

One man calls emergency:
- Come immediately, my little son has swallowed a condom!
After five minutes, the same man calls back:
- It is OK, I found another one.

by **Falkomagno** on Thu Apr 08, 2010 1:54 pm

A blind man and his guide dog enter a Bar and find their way to a bar stool. After ordering a drink, and sitting there for a while, the blind guy yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"

The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet. In a husky, deep voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something. The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde and I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb. blonde with a black belt in karate. What's more, the woman sitting next to me is blonde and she's a weight lifter. The lady to your right is a blonde, and she's a pro wrestler.
Think about it seriously, Mister. You still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind guy thinks a moment and says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

by **PLAYER57832** on Tue Apr 13, 2010 7:35 am

SMART ASS:

Two young businessmen in
Florida were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store in
the shopping mall. As yet, the store wasn't ready, with only a few
shelves and display racks set up. One said to the other, "I'll bet that
any minute now some senior is going to walk by, put his face to the
window, and ask what we're selling."

Sure enough, just a moment later, a curious senior gentleman walked up
to the window, looked around intensely and rapped on the glass, then in
a loud voice asked, "What are you sellin' here?"

One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling ass-holes.

Without skipping a beat,
the old timer said, "You're doing well.
Only two left."

by **Army of GOD** on Thu Apr 19, 2012 1:31 am

9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape

by **nietzsche** on Thu Apr 19, 2012 1:33 am

Army of GOD wrote:9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape

So one rapist got in when the holes were all loose?

**Follow up joke posted by AoG from nietzsche's account. Change your password you idiot.**

by **Army of GOD** on Thu Apr 19, 2012 1:40 am

bad english, so I can't tell if it's in bad taste

by **HardAttack** on Thu Apr 19, 2012 1:46 am

billy07 wrote:if your girlfriend is overwieght get her to walk 3 miles in the morning and 3 miles at night. by the end of the week the fat fucker will be 42 miles away boom boom

after 4 months the chicken might look athletic and hot,
but this time 650 miles away from you

judge this.

by **Army of GOD** on Thu Apr 19, 2012 1:49 am

From 28 Days Later:

So a man and a giraffe walk into a bar. They get really drunk and the giraffe passes out on the ground. The man gets up to leave, and the bartender says "ey! You can't leave that lyin' there!". the man replies "that's not a lion, it's a giraffe!"

by **HardAttack** on Thu Apr 19, 2012 1:57 am

Army of GOD wrote:From 28 Days Later:

So a man and a giraffe walk into a bar. They get really drunk and the giraffe passes out on the ground. The man gets up to leave, and the bartender says "ey! You can't leave that lyin' there!". the man replies "that's not a lion, it's a giraffe!"

You have got bars in your country that giraffes can fit in ?

by **daddy1gringo** on Fri Apr 20, 2012 5:51 pm

The Dalai Lama walked up to the hot-dog cart and said, "Make me one with everything."

by **Pirlo** on Fri Apr 20, 2012 6:32 pm

What's itchy in summer and cool in winter?

show

by **Phatscotty** on Fri Apr 20, 2012 7:07 pm

by **nietzsche** on Sat Apr 21, 2012 1:50 am

by **chang50** on Sat Apr 21, 2012 2:08 am

Man walks into bar and sits down next to another man and a dog.Being friendly he asks the second man if his dog bites,to which he replies no,so the first man pats the dog which promptly bites him...'You said your dog doesn't bite",he complains...'that isn't my dog'.

by **Symmetry** on Sat Apr 21, 2012 2:37 am

Sailor walks into a bar. Sits down next to a pirate with a hook for a hand, a wooden leg, and an eye patch.

Sailor has a few rounds, turns to the pirate and asks, "I've been sitting here a while, but I've got to ask, how did you lose your leg?"

Pirate says, "'twas a terrible storm, I were washed overboard, and 'fore my shipmates could pull me out, a shark bit of me leg".

The sailor is horrified- "So you got a wooden leg, but what happened to your hand?"

Pirate says, "Boardin' an enemy ship. Before I run the curr through, he chopped off me hand with a cutlass"

The sailor is appalled- "So that's why you have a hook, but your eye too?"

Pirate says, "Twas a beautiful day, not a cloud in the sky. I was looking up, and a seagull crapped in my eye"

Sailor: "Well, that's kind of bad, I suppose, but it doesn't mean you should lose an eye"

Pirate: "Well, lad, you gotta understand, it was my first day with the hook"

by **BigBallinStalin** on Sat Apr 21, 2012 3:21 am

chang50 wrote:Man walks into bar and sits down next to another man and a dog.Being friendly he asks the second man if his dog bites,to which he replies no,so the first man pats the dog which promptly bites him...'You said your dog doesn't bite",he complains...'that isn't my dog'.

Isn't that from the first Pink Panther movie?

by **chang50** on Sat Apr 21, 2012 3:40 am

BigBallinStalin wrote:
chang50 wrote:Man walks into bar and sits down next to another man and a dog.Being friendly he asks the second man if his dog bites,to which he replies no,so the first man pats the dog which promptly bites him...'You said your dog doesn't bite",he complains...'that isn't my dog'.

Isn't that from the first Pink Panther movie?

Quite possibly,it's a very old joke..