Since pimpdave has been bullied into silence by the activities of the Tea Party Intimidation Units, I feel it is my duty to stand up and fight the bigoted, terrorist organization known as the Tea Party. Pimpdave has assured me that he is safe, and will return someday to join us in our struggle against tyranny. In the meantime, we must press on against the forces of hatred and oppression.
I now have the unfortunate, but necessary duty of passing on the fruits of my recent research into Tea Party activities. I have burrowed deep into the bigoted, violent underbelly of the Tea Party movement, and have surfaced with terrifying news. News I will begin to report now.
I have turned up a tract, called Escape from Detroit: the Collapse of America's Black Metropolis, which is being praised by secessionists and white supremacists everywhere. This bigoted scribble is the missing link between explicit Tea Party goals, and what they feel are the underlying causes.
In the book, a poorly-written, and completely unedited diatribe against conventional Tea Party bogeymen, like taxes, welfare, and education, the author also blames the fall of Detroit, a city with a large black population, on the fact that it is predominantly run by black elected officials. After all, what else could bring about the massive decrease in economic prosperity in a city built on manufacturing? Just black people, apparently. Too stupid to even govern themselves.
Most of you are probably thinking "this is outrageous! How could such thinking exist after the long struggles of the civil rights movement?" It seems such sentiments are alive and well, and this tract centers those hateful feelings right at the heart of the Tea Party movement.
This is an exciting, though equally terrifying discovery. On the one hand, we have conclusive proof that the Tea Party is inherently racist, but, on the other, we have their terrible ideas laid bare, for all to see. I fear for my family, and the prosperity of this great nation. But, if we unite against this hateful tyranny, I think we can save our great country from the wringing hands of Tea Party bigotry.
