Secrets thread

[notyou2]

RAIDERS!!!!!!!!!!

[Serbia]

MONTREAL1!!!

[notyou2]

[Army of GOD]

We don't speak about the CFL here.

[notyou2]

Alouettes!!!!!!

[notyou2]

Or is it Concordes?


I can't remember

[DAZMCFC]

I always wear a condom for sex...


...but not where you might think!

on your rampant rabbit, because you look like Alison Moyet and no fucker wants to do her.

[notyou2]

Here's a secret. I found AoG's homepage

http://redneck414.tripod.com/

Bump

[pimpdave]

My secret: I enjoy doing weird experiments with food. Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels.

Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them breaks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round.

I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.

Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.

When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 07840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes."

This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this "grant money." I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion.

There can be only one.

That is brilliant!
Please use this for breeding purposes.....



Johnny Rockets

He took that from a RustyMonkey thread. So, he's not only a waste of life who mocks the victims of 9/11, he's also a plagiarist. Good job.

[john9blue]

Pretty sure I've made it clear that I post copypasta from time to time to make things interesting around here. Where exactly did I claim to have written that?

[Army of GOD]

We need more secrets.


My favorite number can be any combination of the numbers 2 and 4, but can only be composed of those numbers.

[Army of GOD]

My name is Richard and I'm only like 5'7''.

Hence, some people have the pleasure of calling me "Little Dick".

Though, my middle name IS James..."I'm Rick James, bitch".

[john9blue]

My identity is still a secret, I think. Unlike AOG and Juan, who make no effort to hide it... lol.

[Army of GOD]

The only person who I'm legitimately afraid of on this forum is army of nobunaga.

Well, Juan too. He thinks I'm so sexy, he'd probably rape me if I didn't put out!

[john9blue]

I should have a contest to see which of you gets to be my Facebook friend. Because you both really want to.

[Army of GOD]

Well, I want everyone's Facebook because I have to get my group to a level that's never been reached before. http://www.facebook.com/#!/group.php?gid=18744924316&ref=ts

[Army of GOD]

Red is my favorite color, because it starts with the same letter as my name.

The RedSox are my favorite baseball team, because they have the word "Red" in their name.

The Reds are my SECOND favorite baseball team, because...well...you know why.

[nietzsche]

I once went down on a woman and ended up like a vampire.

In the morning I noticed the walls and the sheets were painted red.

Great night, awkward morning. It was my apartment...

[john9blue]

I once went down on a woman and ended up like a vampire.

In the morning I noticed the walls and the sheets were painted red.

Great night, awkward morning. It was my apartment...

Fun fact: there are red spots of liquid high up on a part of my bedroom wall, by my pennants. I have no idea how they got there. I noticed them about a year or two ago. I don't know if it's blood or not. I snapped a few pics just now with a shaky cellphone camera:





WTF?!



I have no idea where those are from and it creeps me out.

[thegreekdog]

I would think you'd be more concerned with the space shuttle flying behind you.

[john9blue]

oh yea btw i live on the iss

[natty dread]

I have hair growing from my nipples.

[Serbia]

Pretty sure I've made it clear that I post copypasta from time to time to make things interesting around here. Where exactly did I claim to have written that?

Prior to getting called out about it, where exactly did you give credit to the previous poster?

You didn't, because your poorly kept secret is that you're a scumbag.

[john9blue]

Prior to getting called out about it, where exactly did you give credit to the previous poster?

Nobody knows who originally posted the stuff, most of it is anonymous. And it is much less funny if I say "yeah this is a random story I found on the Internet". You pretend it's real, that's how copypasta works.

You didn't, because your poorly kept secret is that you're a scumbag.

SHHHHHH

Don't say that out loud!

Are you drinking the pimpdave Kool-Aid?

Don't judge me because I wear Kanye shades.

I'd report you to the mods for flaming, but I won't because then they'd ban me, because I obviously baited you into it. And because I'm not a dithering pussy who lets his emotions cloud his critical faculties.

[Serbia]

Only works if it hasn't been posted on a particular forum, or isn't so old that everyone has seen it once.

And besides, I didn't call you the M-word, or I'd already have been banned.