I do.Mr_Adams wrote:Who says a normal kid won't act that way?
and yes, in this I do know of what I speak!
YOu mix two different situations/problems.Mr_Adams wrote:Children from unstructured homes have a tendency to react with volition towards situations which don't go their way, if they have that chemical make up.
Kids from unstructured homes (including homes with very poor parenting skills and those you might call "liberal" who just don't want as many rules in their house) are going to react negatively to heavy structure suddenly imposed. HOWEVER, a normal child will accept and adapt pretty quickly, as long as the rules are reasonable and within their developmental capabilities.
However, kids brains differ just like kid's physical abilities. You would not tell a child with a major leg issue "too bad.. I expect you to just go run that 50 year dash like all the other kids and if you cannot, then you are obviously just being lazy". I mean, sure, some kids who have limps might well be able to do that. However, most won't. Some kids with leg issues will get therapy, may even eventually wind up as Olympic track stars. They key words are "eventually" and "some".
Because brain injuries/problems are not as visually obvious as a limp or missing limb, because teachers are busy, it is far too easy to just dismiss the child who is acting out as just a "bad kid", which is exactly what your first response implied.
I will take ADHD, for example. It varies, but the basics are that while you and I focus on a blackboard or book, these kids see that.. and the birds chirping, and the kid tapping his foot, and ... the other kid wiggling in his chair.. etc, etc etc. Their brain does not have the ability to filter out all those other things.
Can they be taught to filter? Generally, yes. Sometimes medication helps. However, "slapping" the kid does not change their brain chemistry. Many times it won't even motivate them, it will simply make them rebellious. Remember, these are kids and, on top of the above, often kids with poor coping skills.
A GOOD teacher finds ways to deal with things. If a child is in a wheelchair, they use ramps. If a child has ADHD, maybe they need to sort things while the teacher is talking, to squeeze a ball, or simply have their attention directly all around the room -- to various bulletin boards, etc. A good teacher says "hey, this child is learning, and as long as they are not disturbing the class, I can deal with it". A poor teacher demands that the child "face the front, hands in the lap, feet on the ground".. and gets angry, gives consequences for any non compliance. Guess what, that poor teacher has a MASS of behavior problems!
Often just taking kids outside more, letting them get more physical goes a LONG way toward helping. Yet.. guess what a lot of schools are eliminating as "extra" or even "not safe"? Field trips, gym, anything outdoors.
I will give you an example. When my son was four, I would ask him to clean his room. Now, some kids can do that just fine. However, many 5 year olds get overwhelmed when faced with a whole room "to clean". They just don't even know where to start. So, with my son, I would tell him to "pick up 5 things". Sometimes it would work, but... ,more often than not, I would face hours of flat out, kicking and screaming on the ground tantrum. NOTHING I did would get him to pick up. I won't bore you with the entire littany, but at one point I found myself having grounded him from everything (TV, his favorite activities, etc, etc) for a month along with spanking. It did not work! I HATE the idea of medicine, but had to face the fact that my son needed medications. The difference was night and day. My son was still a very active, not perfectly behaved by any means little boy. BUT, he actually responded to punishment, etc.
Now, years later, he is able to focus. I still get a bit worse than usual reaction when I tell him to do chores, but I have to pick my battles. And, I have to accept that a 10 year old boy is just not going to always sweep the floor with perfection.. and praise him when he does a "reasonable" effort instead of criticizing him because he left a corner undone. (as long as I have not specifically told him to do that corner, which would mean it is defiance, not lack of attention to detail).
I do not know enough about the particular situation to know exactly what needs to be done. However, to have let the situation descend to where the police should have been called was insane. This school was plain refusing to deal with the problem.
It could be that this child just needs better management in school, needs to have a "flexible" teacher instead of a strict one. OR, maybe he is a child who needs more structure. (both can be true, it just depends on the child). Maybe he needs some medication, so his brain chemistry approaches normal, so he can actually focus and learn what he needs to do along with therapy to help him not need medication in the future. (simple growth/maturiy can improve things.. but the medication is often needed to keep the child on track). OR, maybe this child needs something full-time. Things have to be done at home as well.
Mr_Adams wrote: Its like a married man saying his hormones tell him to chase after other women. He doesn't because he has learned that it isn't right. This kid needs to be taught that reacting with violence isn't right. If he is some how disabled, it may be harder for him to learn than others, but he needs to learn the lesson, and not punishing that kind of behavior is NOT going to help.
Again, think of the child with the limp. Do you punish the child for not running the 50 yard dash? Or do you accept that "hey, maybe someday this child will be able to do that, but for now.. we will let him/her walk/limp. And, note in that that not every child in a wheel chair will be able to ever walk.
Here is the really critical part about this. School is about training kids for life. Sometimes it seems we forget that, especially in early years. Too many schools see thier job as teaching kids to survive in school-- just in school. Except, school is not life. The skills you need to do well in school are not necessarily always the ones you need to succeed in life.
Almost anything can be either a positive or a negative. Take ADHD. It is a royal pain to have an ADHD child in a class, particularly if you are a teacher who likes rules, like things "just so", etc. Yet... that same "distractability" that makes it hard in a standard classroom is a big advantage if you are an airplane pilot (to name one example). So, is the school really and truly doing the child a favor by demanding that they train themselves to focus for hours on end on one book? OR, should the focus, instead be on certainly making sure the child has a basic literal fluency, etc. However, teaching that child to do things that require shorter attention spans, teaching him to not just see his issues as a "problem", but to find that "niche" in life he can fill?
