Let's share some jokes... (occasionally NSFW)

[Kernal_Kronic]

I agree on that...thank God i didn't read the whole thing

Little Johnny goes fishing with his grandfather, on their way Little Johnny asks his grandfather if he can drive.

His grand father asks him: "Can you penis touch ur arsehole?"

Little Johnny: " No"

Grandfather: "Well when it can, then u can drive."

So they carry on driving & eventually they get to there fishing spot & Little Johnny's grandfather lights up a smoke. Little Johnny asks his grandfather if he can have a smoke.

His grand father asks him: "Can you penis touch ur arsehole?"

Little Johnny: " No"

Grandfather: "Well when it can, then u can smoke."

So they fish for awhile & Little Johnny's grandfather opens up a beer & Little Johnny asked if he can have a beer.

Same story. (Penis, arsehole touch - no. when it can then u drink)

Then Little Johnny takes out some biscuits & his grandfather asks him if he can have some.

So Little Johnny asks: "Can you penis touch ur arsehole?"

Little Johnny's Grandfather: " Of course"

Little Johnny: "Well then go F*ck urself, these are my cookies."

[johnnyrotten]

Hahahahahahahahaha

[AK_iceman]

LMAO, now thats a joke.

[Scorba]

What happened to Jesus when he went to Mount Olive?
Popeye kicked the f*ck out of him.


What's blue & fucks grannies?
Hypothermia.


A soldier in Bosnia walks up to his mate and proudly proclaims "I've just had the best sex I've ever had."
"Where?" asks his mate, looking around the deserted, bombed-out area. So the soldier explains "I was searching that ruined house over there, and I found this woman. We did it on the stairs, in the kitchen, in the shower, in the garden - you name it, we did it, and it was bloody marvellous!"
"You lucky bastard," his mate replies. "Was she good looking?"
"Oh, I'm not too sure," he says. "I couldn't find the head."

[Kernal_Kronic]

What happened to Jesus when he went to Mount Olive?
Popeye kicked the f*ck out of him.


What's blue & fucks grannies?
Hypothermia.

ROTFLMFAO

[Kernal_Kronic]

Little Johnny's walking down the road & a car pulls up next to him. The door opens up & a strange man with a bag of sweets says: "If you get in my car i'll give u a sweet."

Little Johnny say: " Give me the whole bag & i'll suck ur cock."

[johnnyrotten]

Hmmm... now we're bordering on plain disturbing...

[Kernal_Kronic]

A horse walks into a bar. The barman asks: "Why the long face"

A termite walks into a bar & asks: "Is the bar tender here?"

[wicked]

Hmmm... now we're bordering on plain disturbing...

But at least he spelled your name right Johhny.

[Machiavelli]

Here's one that Andy D posted on the longest thread, thread


A husband and wife were out enjoying a round of golf and about to tee off on the third hole which was lined by beautiful homes. The wife hit her shot and the ball began to slice. Her shot was headed directly at a very large picture window. Much to their surprise, the ball smashed through the window and shattered it into a million pieces. They felt compelled to see what damage was done and drove off to see what had happened.
When they peeked inside the home, they could find no one there. The husband called out and no one answered. Upon further investigation, they saw a gentleman sitting on the couch with a turban on his head.
The wife said, "Do you live here?"
"No, someone just hit a ball through the window, knocked over the vase you see there, and freed me from that little bottle. I am so grateful," he answered.
The wife said, "Are you a genie?"
"Oh, why yes, I am. In fact, I am so grateful, I will grant you two wishes, the third I will keep for myself," the genie replied.
The husband and wife agreed on 2 wishes...one was a scratch handicap for the husband, to which the wife readily agreed. The other was for an income of $1,000,000 per year forever.
The genie nodded and said, "Done!"
The genie now said, "For my wish I would like to have my way with your wife. I have not been with a woman for many years and, after all, I have made you a scratch golfer and millionaire."
The husband and wife agreed and after the genie and wife finished, the genie asked the wife, "How long have you been married?"
She replied, "3 years."
The genie then asked, "How old are you?"
To which she responded, "31 years old."
The genie responded, "And you still believe in fairy tales?"

[johnnyrotten]

$hite.

[johnnyrotten]

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

[Machiavelli]

Hey, that was andy's joke, I didnt make it up.

[reverend_kyle]

heres one that will probably get me killed but you know what ever


whats the differnece between a jew and a pizza

pizzas dont complain when you put them in the overn

[HighBorn]

Not a joke but theres actually a person on this sight names LordOfTheWangs


i thought that was pretty funny....

[reverend_kyle]

Not a joke but theres actually a person on this sight names LordOfTheWangs


i thought that was pretty funny....

I want to play against them..

[johnnyrotten]

heres one that will probably get me killed but you know what ever


whats the difference between a Jew and a pizza?

pizzas dont complain when you put them in the oven

How many Jews can you fit in a BMW?

[johnnyrotten]

And a couple more for the Chuck fans...

Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once, good-bye teeth.

Chuck Norris can speak braille.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

And my personal favourite...

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

[Sir Gordalot]

Although I do think Chuck Norris jokes are old here's my favourite....

Chuck Norris was getting tired of pleasuring his hoard of women fans so he decided to make an absolute replica of his penis to simulate sex with Chuck Norris... in the end he had a baseball bat attached to a jack hammer

[eye84free]

supermans flying over metroplis.
he looks down and sees wonder woman naked as can be laying outside.
so supermay flys around a little and says"i bet i can fly down bang her and fly back up and she'll never know what happend".
well after supermans thinks about it for a min. hes says "im going to do it".
so he flys down bangs it and flys back up..
supermans saying to himself "yeaaaa im the man,i just banged wonderwoman".
wonderwoman looks around and says "what the f*ck was that"?
invisable man says. "i dont know but my ass sure hurts".

[Machiavelli]

I'd give that one two down

[HighBorn]

how many johnny??

[johnnyrotten]

2 in the front, 4 in the back, and 6 million in the ashtray.

[Machiavelli]

Do European cars really still have ashtrays?


you guys are so barbaric.

[HighBorn]

lmao.. that was horribly funny