Conquer Club

grade my writing

\\OFF-TOPIC// conversations about everything that has nothing to do with Conquer Club.

Moderator: Community Team

Forum rules
Please read the Community Guidelines before posting.

grade my writing

Postby 0ojakeo0 on Thu Sep 13, 2007 7:50 pm

FREE ENTERPRISE

By Jake Driscoll



Free enterprise is when the government plays a limited role in the economy. Individuals own their own businesses. They can decide the prices for their products. They can do anything to try to beat the competition. They can live wherever they want. They can do whatever they want to do to earn a living. This began early in the United States after the war for independence. Free enterprise also allows consumers to make choices. It is a lot like democracy.


I think the most important reason of free enterprise is to be able to change the prices if you need money or the economy changes. The storeowners can increase the price if the product is in demand or lower it if nobody wants it. They can keep up with the competition. If you need more money to get out of debt, you can raise the prices or if you need more consumers, you can lower the prices.

Another reason in favor of free enterprise is that you can sell whatever you want. You can own any store you would like to. Just because your father owned a dairy store doesn’t mean you have to. In the old days you would learn one skill and do that for the rest of your life. Now you can do whatever you like and try new things. If people need a shoe seller you can become one and get rich.

The last important reason for free enterprise I chose is location. You don’t need to sell something in one city forever. You can move from city to city to see who needs a seller and which fits you best. If you get old and want to go out and see the world you can. You aren’t set in stone.

These are the most important reasons that make up free enterprise. They all come together and make up a good economy. It lets people do what they want to do.
hecter wrote:Hey... If your donkey eats my roosters feet, that means I have two feet of my cock in your ass.
User avatar
Corporal 1st Class 0ojakeo0
 
Posts: 6150
Joined: Sun May 13, 2007 9:49 am
Location: ON THE ROAD TO SAN ANTONIO!!!!

Postby 0ojakeo0 on Thu Sep 13, 2007 7:50 pm

this is for 8th grade
hecter wrote:Hey... If your donkey eats my roosters feet, that means I have two feet of my cock in your ass.
User avatar
Corporal 1st Class 0ojakeo0
 
Posts: 6150
Joined: Sun May 13, 2007 9:49 am
Location: ON THE ROAD TO SAN ANTONIO!!!!

Postby btownmeggy on Thu Sep 13, 2007 7:52 pm

What class is it for? Social Studies?
User avatar
Corporal btownmeggy
 
Posts: 2042
Joined: Thu Jan 04, 2007 1:43 am

Postby 0ojakeo0 on Thu Sep 13, 2007 7:54 pm

ya
hecter wrote:Hey... If your donkey eats my roosters feet, that means I have two feet of my cock in your ass.
User avatar
Corporal 1st Class 0ojakeo0
 
Posts: 6150
Joined: Sun May 13, 2007 9:49 am
Location: ON THE ROAD TO SAN ANTONIO!!!!

Postby hecter on Thu Sep 13, 2007 7:55 pm

Try to include some negative points in there too, unless you're trying to ONLY debate the pros of free enterprise. If this is a research type thing, though, be sure to look at it critically from all sides.
In heaven... Everything is fine, in heaven... Everything is fine, in heaven... Everything is fine... You got your things, and I've got mine.
Image
User avatar
Private 1st Class hecter
 
Posts: 14632
Joined: Tue Jan 09, 2007 6:27 pm
Location: Tying somebody up on the third floor

Postby edwinissweet on Thu Sep 13, 2007 7:56 pm

i agree with hecter. and u should never write wat u think in a paper. always say experts think... :D
User avatar
Lieutenant edwinissweet
 
Posts: 1342
Joined: Thu May 10, 2007 7:59 pm
Location: cozumel

Postby 0ojakeo0 on Thu Sep 13, 2007 7:56 pm

it was picking the three most important reasons so i guess it is supposed to be positive. i had 2 days to rite it
hecter wrote:Hey... If your donkey eats my roosters feet, that means I have two feet of my cock in your ass.
User avatar
Corporal 1st Class 0ojakeo0
 
Posts: 6150
Joined: Sun May 13, 2007 9:49 am
Location: ON THE ROAD TO SAN ANTONIO!!!!

Postby hecter on Thu Sep 13, 2007 7:58 pm

0ojakeo0 wrote:it was picking the three most important reasons so i guess it is supposed to be positive. i had 2 days to rite it

Well, since this is for grade 8 and three "most important reasons" then you did just fine. Hand it in buddy :)
In heaven... Everything is fine, in heaven... Everything is fine, in heaven... Everything is fine... You got your things, and I've got mine.
Image
User avatar
Private 1st Class hecter
 
Posts: 14632
Joined: Tue Jan 09, 2007 6:27 pm
Location: Tying somebody up on the third floor

Postby GreecePwns on Thu Sep 13, 2007 8:01 pm

The for your topic sentences could be changed a bit.

The 1st paragraph is sorta out of order.
Your Paragraph wrote:Free enterprise is when the government plays a limited role in the economy. Individuals own their own businesses. They can decide the prices for their products. They can do anything to try to beat the competition. They can live wherever they want. They can do whatever they want to do to earn a living. This began early in the United States after the war for independence. Free enterprise also allows consumers to make choices. It is a lot like democracy.


This states some reasons, then goes to say where it started, then states another reason. IMO, it should be in order.

Put in order wrote:Free enterprise is when the government plays a limited role in the economy. The idea of free enterprise began in the United States after the Revolutionary War. In a free enterprise system, individuals own their own businesses. They can decide the prices for their products, do anything to try to beat the competition, and live anywhere they choose to. Free enterprise also allows consumers to make choices. Free enterprise is a lot like democracy.


I'm only 1 year older than you, so it's not like i'm going too much into detail. Am I?
Chariot of Fire wrote:As for GreecePwns.....yeah, what? A massive debt. Get a job you slacker.

Viceroy wrote:[The Biblical creation story] was written in a time when there was no way to confirm this fact and is in fact a statement of the facts.
User avatar
Corporal GreecePwns
 
Posts: 2656
Joined: Tue Feb 20, 2007 7:19 pm
Location: Lawn Guy Lint

Postby btownmeggy on Thu Sep 13, 2007 8:23 pm

Where did you get the information for your paper?
User avatar
Corporal btownmeggy
 
Posts: 2042
Joined: Thu Jan 04, 2007 1:43 am

Postby 0ojakeo0 on Thu Sep 13, 2007 8:24 pm

GreecePwns wrote:The for your topic sentences could be changed a bit.

The 1st paragraph is sorta out of order.
Your Paragraph wrote:Free enterprise is when the government plays a limited role in the economy. Individuals own their own businesses. They can decide the prices for their products. They can do anything to try to beat the competition. They can live wherever they want. They can do whatever they want to do to earn a living. This began early in the United States after the war for independence. Free enterprise also allows consumers to make choices. It is a lot like democracy.


This states some reasons, then goes to say where it started, then states another reason. IMO, it should be in order.

Put in order wrote:Free enterprise is when the government plays a limited role in the economy. The idea of free enterprise began in the United States after the Revolutionary War. In a free enterprise system, individuals own their own businesses. They can decide the prices for their products, do anything to try to beat the competition, and live anywhere they choose to. Free enterprise also allows consumers to make choices. Free enterprise is a lot like democracy.


I'm only 1 year older than you, so it's not like i'm going too much into detail. Am I?


no not at all
hecter wrote:Hey... If your donkey eats my roosters feet, that means I have two feet of my cock in your ass.
User avatar
Corporal 1st Class 0ojakeo0
 
Posts: 6150
Joined: Sun May 13, 2007 9:49 am
Location: ON THE ROAD TO SAN ANTONIO!!!!

Postby 0ojakeo0 on Thu Sep 13, 2007 8:25 pm

btownmeggy wrote:Where did you get the information for your paper?


i made most of it up :wink: some from my book
hecter wrote:Hey... If your donkey eats my roosters feet, that means I have two feet of my cock in your ass.
User avatar
Corporal 1st Class 0ojakeo0
 
Posts: 6150
Joined: Sun May 13, 2007 9:49 am
Location: ON THE ROAD TO SAN ANTONIO!!!!

Postby misterman10 on Thu Sep 13, 2007 8:25 pm

I would give that paper a C-
Pleasant Chaps still suck cock.

Yakuza power.
User avatar
Major misterman10
 
Posts: 9412
Joined: Thu May 24, 2007 1:48 pm
Location: Out on the Pitch.

Postby unriggable on Thu Sep 13, 2007 8:28 pm

misterman10 wrote:I would give that paper a C-


Ouch, how old are you and what are your expectations? The kid is thirteen for christsakes. I say it's a whole lot better than my level of writing at that age.
Image
User avatar
Cook unriggable
 
Posts: 8037
Joined: Thu Feb 08, 2007 9:49 pm

Postby btownmeggy on Thu Sep 13, 2007 8:28 pm

Well, all in all, I think it's pretty good. If I were grading it, I'd give it an A-. I think it's okay to include your personal opinion, as long as you work out the reasons behind your opinion logically and fully in the paper. There were a couple of places where you didn't do that, thus the minus.
User avatar
Corporal btownmeggy
 
Posts: 2042
Joined: Thu Jan 04, 2007 1:43 am

Postby misterman10 on Thu Sep 13, 2007 8:29 pm

unriggable wrote:
misterman10 wrote:I would give that paper a C-


Ouch, how old are you and what are your expectations? The kid is thirteen for christsakes. I say it's a whole lot better than my level of writing at that age.

perhaps I should have read it first.
Pleasant Chaps still suck cock.

Yakuza power.
User avatar
Major misterman10
 
Posts: 9412
Joined: Thu May 24, 2007 1:48 pm
Location: Out on the Pitch.

Postby unriggable on Thu Sep 13, 2007 8:29 pm

misterman10 wrote:
unriggable wrote:
misterman10 wrote:I would give that paper a C-


Ouch, how old are you and what are your expectations? The kid is thirteen for christsakes. I say it's a whole lot better than my level of writing at that age.

perhaps I should have read it first.


Touche.
Image
User avatar
Cook unriggable
 
Posts: 8037
Joined: Thu Feb 08, 2007 9:49 pm

Postby Anarkistsdream on Thu Sep 13, 2007 8:33 pm

It is not of exceptional quality from a writers standpoint...

However, at 13, it would get a B...
virus90 wrote: I think Anarkist is a valuable asset to any game.
User avatar
Cook Anarkistsdream
 
Posts: 7567
Joined: Wed Jan 10, 2007 11:57 am

Postby misterman10 on Thu Sep 13, 2007 9:11 pm

Anarkistsdream wrote:It is not of exceptional quality from a writers standpoint...

However, at 13, it would get a B...
How do you know
Pleasant Chaps still suck cock.

Yakuza power.
User avatar
Major misterman10
 
Posts: 9412
Joined: Thu May 24, 2007 1:48 pm
Location: Out on the Pitch.

Postby unriggable on Thu Sep 13, 2007 9:11 pm

misterman10 wrote:
Anarkistsdream wrote:It is not of exceptional quality from a writers standpoint...

However, at 13, it would get a B...
How do you know


Guesstimation
Image
User avatar
Cook unriggable
 
Posts: 8037
Joined: Thu Feb 08, 2007 9:49 pm

Postby kwanton on Thu Sep 13, 2007 11:30 pm

Anarkistsdream wrote:It is not of exceptional quality from a writers standpoint...

However, at 13, it would get a B...


Agreed. Your sentences could flow better. Try combining some of your sentences so it doesn't sound like a listing of points. Still I think this is pretty good for 8th grade but what do I know....I haven't been in eighth grade for while.
Click the Esoog!
Image
User avatar
Cook kwanton
 
Posts: 3807
Joined: Sun Dec 24, 2006 9:33 pm

Re: grade my writing

Postby Syzygy on Fri Sep 14, 2007 12:51 am

0ojakeo0 wrote:FREE ENTERPRISE

By Jake Driscoll



Free enterprise is when the government plays a limited role in the economy. Individuals own their own businesses. They can decide the prices for their products. They can do anything to try to beat the competition. They can live wherever they want. They can do whatever they want to do to earn a living. This began early in the United States after the war for independence. Free enterprise also allows consumers to make choices. It is a lot like democracy.


I think the most important reason of free enterprise is to be able to change the prices if you need money or the economy changes. The storeowners can increase the price if the product is in demand or lower it if nobody wants it. They can keep up with the competition. If you need more money to get out of debt, you can raise the prices or if you need more consumers, you can lower the prices.

Another reason in favor of free enterprise is that you can sell whatever you want. You can own any store you would like to. Just because your father owned a dairy store doesn’t mean you have to. In the old days you would learn one skill and do that for the rest of your life. Now you can do whatever you like and try new things. If people need a shoe seller you can become one and get rich.

The last important reason for free enterprise I chose is location. You don’t need to sell something in one city forever. You can move from city to city to see who needs a seller and which fits you best. If you get old and want to go out and see the world you can. You aren’t set in stone.

These are the most important reasons that make up free enterprise. They all come together and make up a good economy. It lets people do what they want to do.


Some things...

Never say I think in this sort of essay. It immediately makes it look subjective.
It seems a bit short...
The sentences don't really flow.
Image
User avatar
Sergeant 1st Class Syzygy
 
Posts: 3382
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:07 pm
Location: My Acre of Africa

Postby Minister Masket on Fri Sep 14, 2007 3:12 am

A B+ methinks.
Victrix Fortuna Sapientia

Image
User avatar
Private Minister Masket
 
Posts: 4882
Joined: Fri Apr 20, 2007 2:24 pm
Location: On The Brink

Postby reverend_kyle on Fri Sep 14, 2007 3:16 am

i'm thinking B B+ range, my mom a 6th grade and my dad an 8th grade teacher agree with me.
DANCING MUSTARD FOR POOP IN '08!
User avatar
Sergeant reverend_kyle
 
Posts: 9250
Joined: Tue Mar 21, 2006 4:08 pm
Location: 1000 post club

Postby Iliad on Fri Sep 14, 2007 3:16 am

Pretty good but a bit more content and showing that you have researched would help
User avatar
Private 1st Class Iliad
 
Posts: 10394
Joined: Mon Mar 05, 2007 12:48 am

Next

Return to Practical Explanation about Next Life,

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users