The Fred Hijackers

[chaosfactor]

Re: Thread Hijacking
by chaosfactor on Tue Apr 15, 2008 1:29 pm

See How long this lasts....
The story thus far

There is something about the combo of 2-dimes and Bushes avatars that remind me of a band I used to front. An interesting combo of Mad Max on Ketamine and Hells Angels on speed, Shit! did we just form a cyber band?
I,m sure, to be sure, that the unrehearsed first gig would be a Klaxon of purely filthy rock-n-roll pollution, enough to get any two bit army out of Alaska. Good enough indeed to secure the rights for the entirety of every soundtrack that CC will ever need in future.
Imagine the joy written over the faces of all the little nippers that play CC, whilst they splat and thrust their little digit armies over our globe to the anarchic din of CC,s first proper rock band! Lancaster Bombers, Nasty Nips shrouded by sun, that lovely smell of Napalm in the morning, Victory!
It sounds good so far in theory, but we are missing the 4th member, this I think I would put to the poll, because it seems fate has landed the first 3 together, and Yes I do believe we have a name, we are the "Fred Hijackers". Just like in lawnmower man we are coming for you, all of you, all you little children.

Naww only "kidding", the next conquest after the 4th member has been secured will be the creation of a lame arse boy band to front us, f*ck nose we have enough of those in England and America to give us some inspiration to go on in our ickle secular world inside the machine.
A moments silence as the cogs of the kid-do,s imaginations slowly de-rail.
The Glory!
The Horror?

Back to the Fred Hijackers first world tour, once the 4th member is secure, there will also be vacancies for drug dealers, groupies and arms dealers, Roadies, Blaggers, sheep shaggers, Noise Boyz, and Nit nurses; if you think you fit the bill, make a post. Don,t turn up with AK,s and no Ammo, Nits and no nurses, or Dope and no Rizla, because we will set Fred on you, and you would not want that.
Fred, just like the "stig" out of top gear will remain anonymous until the bitter end, and will be used as an ISDN Nuke capable of popping up in anyones darkened bedroom, anytime that we see fit.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Journalist Flatulence reporting from West coast Canada upon the recent Roadkill arrivals the "Fred Hijackers", stated, that although the band were still together after their recent burn out gig in Texas, "tings might be looking up".
After the arrest of Freddie in Dallas, the bands lawyers adjoined the court stating their defence, that he didnt actually do Dallas, it was the Pre-sex opp, truck driver, Debbie, that beat them to the line.
Following their recent success of their new hit single "Wanker!!", released under record label "Songs for Norses", The Bands Pussy went on the rampage during the finale of the groups debut gig. Texan State Rangers intervened with Batons, but were countered by the Smokin Indian brave Band Manger 'Horses for Norses', welding his mighty D&D spell Mirror image.
Asked later Horses let on that although the Hijackers video "Waterproof Afghan Bong", ended in a ditch after Chaos's failed attempt to flame between bandmember 2dimes thighs, that they might be considering a new tour on Planet Cockulon.
Our Wicked Planet Cockulon Reporter stated, that in most population zones on Planet Cock local inhabitants were outraged by the bands lack and disregard for dignity within the confines of their lyrics.
"Bla bla bla", stated the band whilst performing their encore in Cockcentral.
"Don't Bla me, Cos I'm close to the Bla, I,m fucking hard trying to trim your hedge.
Its like a jungle some times it makes me wonder how i keep from going under.


The early sun rising over Cock Capital "Bla", bought retro sound system LS Diesal onto the sound=waves, hedge MCing vocalists to the Mikes, and the all elusive Cat back on stage, as a tribute to capitalism awakening sound happening strirred up the porridge, we stepped back and accepted the blame. The Innovative Lawyers just back from Texas after bailing out Horses the doppelganger tour manager, arrived just in time for the second to last chorus and in small print harmonised to the vocal "I,m a Hedge trimmer, twisted hedge trimmer".
Not to be outdone, Cocks from the audience, (proper clanswelding dockers from the northside part of Cockers), invaded the stage grabbed Freddie, and retorted,
"We are where its at!! We've got 2 turn tables and your fucking cat!!".
The Fred Hijackers then pulled off a first strategic great, not previously known in Cockulon,
stating, "We've got Posh Spices Knickers!", and then reinforced 2nd Capital "Bla Bla", with Paris Hilton and Gary Glitter. report ends....

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Conker club officials based in Brighton heaped praise upon the Fred Hijackers in the wake of their arrival, saying, “We are all flaming queers down here and we welcome anyone that can fill a stadium with Cock”
However the controversial band still drink sodden from their record attempt at ‘The worlds longest after show party in stasis, via intravenous drip’, arrived late after a sudden de-tour around Cockulons orbit in an apparent quest for original lyrics. Klingon Paps tailing the band stated that they didn’t write shit and the only creative spark came from Chaos and Bush who were roasting a large amount of vinegar soaked conkers over the ships nuclear improbability drive.
Upon arrival, ‘The Cat’, Missing band member Freddie’s roadie, practically exploding with whisky, after a record-breaking-non-stop-drinking-session-in-hyperspace, confirmed his reputation by jumping off the band wagon and storming the offices of Conker Club where they were hosting their finals of “King of Conkers”.
Armed with a tennis ball-firing gun loaded with the bands conker stash the Cat was seen in running battles down Brighton’s seafront chasing the Mods from conker club. However the battle once going the Cats way, turned upon the arrival of Modfather Paul Weller on his Gas powered Vespa, Paul in a low speed attack covered the ammunition starved mog in out of date Jam. Doppelganger Band manager, Horses, outraged by the Mods inhumane cruelty to the Rock Kitty, arrived on the scene in a flurry of smoke and exhaust fumes with the WSPA and with 2dimes Harley, He then proceeded to doughnut rings around the half blinded Mods which threw them into chaos as they attempted to locate their antagonist. The Battle reached its zenith when Roger Daltry finally cracked and charged at the Rockers screaming “We won’t get fooled again”. Luckily for the Fred Hijackers Master Bush saved the day, armed with just a pair of oversized goggles he grabbed the asphyxiated band and bundled them out of the smoke into the bands getaway vehicle, the Cat Mobile.

[chaosfactor]

Cockulon Crap Concert Promotions(CCCP)
Re: a song for norse
by chaosfactor on Thu Apr 17, 2008 3:29 pm

A SONG FOR ME
(lyrics courtesy of The Fred Hijackers/The Self Flaming society)

My mother said, that I never should,
Play with those naughty rude girls in the wood.
Their giggling talk, I could never understand,
Thats why I fell in love with my right hand...
and thats why....

I,m a Wanker, I,m a Wanker, and it does me good like it bloody well should
I,m a Wanker, I,m a Wanker and I,m always pulling my hood.

I was 29 years old, before I was kissed
It was then that I found, I preferred a quick one of the wrist!
Its cheap and convenient, you can,t catch VD,
Its available at any time, and its absolutely free!!
this is why....

I,m a Wanker, I,m a Wanker, and it does me good like it bloody well should
I,m a Wanker, I,m a Wanker and I,m always pulling my hood.

I,ve Wanked over Italy, I,ve Wanked over spain,
I,ve Wanked over the United States, cos I was Wanking on a plane.
I,ve used a Badger, and a Melon and A Cat
But the Flame Forum In Conquerclub is really where Wankings at..
and this is why...

[chaosfactor]

REHAB
by chaosfactor on Sat Apr 26, 2008 4:50 am

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x- c-c-cc-c-v--v-v-v-v-v-v--v-v-v--v--v

With the Band retreated but not defeated, we caught up with them licking their wounds in the UK rehab clinic, The Priory. When asked about their recent run in with the Mods in Brighton, the band commented that “it was a love / hate relationship coated in flowers and cement that went back for years”, stating simply “It’s a dirty job but someones got to do it, because it takes filthbag fuckers like us to define the outer regions of the grey area out there in the perimeter, that brings in logic to the laws that bind us all together”. Or vis-à-vis, If it is broken, fucking fix it yourself.
When asked about there six month hangover stint in rehab, their hourglass eyes told a different story, “You can’t just wave a wand at it and cast a cure light wounds on it mate”, came the reply, “you have to conceive another reality altogether”.
What ‘reality’? The Fred hijackers conceived to conquer rehab, we wished we never asked….


The Cat was the major instigator as it turned out, During the Priorys heavy handed ‘Back to earth, get fit or die trying’ session, was the mid afternoon swim session, in particular the retrieve the brick game.
Which went something like this:- Imaginary female Matron selects black brick, throws, splashes, sinks, shouts, ‘Get the Brick!’,
Retorts, “I’m a fucking Cat!’,
Repeats, “Get the brick’,
Retorts, “I founded Lol Cats?”
Repeats, “Get the brick!’
Retorts “Me Cat, Not Dog, You Dog, Me Oww?”,
Repeats slowly “GET THE FUCKING BITCH ARSED STUPID POINTLESS BRICK YOU WICKED GINGER PUSSY OR I WILL EITHER THROW YOU IN, OR PERMA BAN YOU FROM WHISKERS”.
Splash………………
RW WContinued ASPizzedAmigosfear fear the ants

[imperialord]

i can see the darkside is strong with you

[chaosfactor]

The Cats revenge was expected, but not predicted, with help from Master Welder Bush, the band drummed up a costume for the kitty, dubbed "Special Cat Underwater Breathing Apparatus", or for short, -Inverted Afghan Bong-
During that night the rehab posse, de-rigged the Priorys half built extension of breeze blocks, and re-arranged them into 3 small tower blocks within the pool itself, by 3am in the morning Three independent islands had freshly spewed up in the pool like an impatient volcano waiting to f*ck the central sea-bound Med up the arse.
By 4am, with the help of inflatable dingys and large earth moving equiptment, the islands inherited a soil base. By the morning when we arrived on site, we witnessed the Fred Hijackers and the Cat running through dress rehearsals for their own personalised, real time cross over version of RISK.....

[chaosfactor]

Scene as follows:- The Three band members, Chaos, 2dimes, Master Bush, all in separate dingys in the swimming pool circling the 3 atoll islands:- The Cat(Moderator/Ref) shouting orders from atop a lifeguards lookout point.

"In the Red corner, we have the insatiable, the un-rate able 'Polygynous', "Myrmica Rubra", or as known to one and all, The English Red garden Ant.""
"In the black corner, we have the massif machine attack, 'formicidae', "Lasius Niger", or known to me and you, as the English Black garden Ant.""
In the Yellow corner, we have the backbone of ant-iclimax, 'getafix', "lasius Flavus", or known in South London as "Get off my land".""

""The Reds sporting their superior size and formic acid attack are reknown for their "Ginga attack", 'latinus proverbeous=Ginger complex'.""
""The Blacks countering the reds formic acid with 'Piperdine', have also LSD reserves and an Armour Class known only as 'Martin Luther King'.""
""The Yellows combating both Red and Blacks Def/AC-Vs-weakness Statistics have a special cocktail produced by the band especially for this night of entertainment.""
=""Tonight from Rehab The Fred Hijackers and the Cat are proud to present..""=
ANTIKS

[chaosfactor]

Hijackers InterGalactic Guide


When referred too "The Fred Hijackers Guide to the Galaxy", states that, 'When the improbability nuclear Afghan drive is Shafted', and 'Over Beings are invading our bling Space, resort to the Galactic Gargle Blaster';-
Option choice stand at 1
Press Fire, Release the Pyrotechnics, let the "Fabulous Furry Thread Brothers" out of Rehab
Option choice stand at 2
Press Fire, Release the Ants, let the Cat out of the bag
option choice stand at 3
Press Fire, Release the Mods, re-introduce the Rockers and add all the above ingredients into an all out Apocalypse

[chaosfactor]

Option 4 was the obvious choice, the Cat released the compressed eco friendly manure charged air horn and set loose the band.
Almost immediately there was action; 2dimes dingy transported a beat up Yamaha semi acoustic guitar that bridged the gap between his seabound black army and Master Bushes Ginger Core,,,
following 2dimes lead Chaos’s dingy almost immediately bought controversy to the situation by re-enforcing 2dimes attack with a swiftly placed baseball bat between his mellow Yellow crew and Master Bushes Red Panzer Krieg.

Crying “foul” and quoting the 5th amendment Bush bought in his small print backing singer lawyers and challenged this call,.

"Use diplomacy to coordinate a group assault on the game leader", was the "f*ck You!", response.....
as legions of Yellows and Blacks crusaded the Reds in a classic pincer movement.

[chaosfactor]

The Blacks, With their "Pride" Banner Raised high bought tensions too new heights as Doc Martin clad Fighters used Bully boy tactics to beat down the compromised Red Team, muffled Ant cry's of 'You Red Bastards' were heard intermingled upon the breeze as the color of their combined bloods bought out a surprising non-contrast of colors.
As a tribute to the Death of their Great leader Doctor Albert Hoffman the BlackAnts then completed their piece de résistance by spraying both themselves and the mullered Reds with a short ranged butt farted LSD douche.

In this Simultaneous attack the Yellow ‘‘Ant Chaps, also ignoring Moderator warnings crossed the Shaking Stratocaster bridge and immediately ran into the unpredictable holocaust known only as the dreaded Ginger Complex, which resulted in the invading yellow army being pushed back to the 1st fret. Fighting paused briefly whilst the Beserking Reds slipped up in a strange yellow goo.
Then all hell broke loose when one Red ant challenged a bleeding yellow ‘ant, “You bleed Yellow you fucking freak!”
Retorts “And what color do you bleed, Ginger??”, Muffled ‘ant laughter as the Mustard colored loudmouth mates chuckle behind him.

“I bleed White you bleeding antagonist”, countered an insect with an IQ that is smaller than a mosquitoes cum stain.

“I bleed White too watch this!!!”, Shrieked a stray Black LSD fucked suicide bomber shortly before pulling his rip chord and becoming several thousand flying elephants.

A short interlude befell as one of the most organized civilizations suddenly had an awakening to the horrors and consequences of drug induced racial infighting.

The Yellows finally gave up their attack when faced with the sight of two shit-faced red and black ants, arm in arm with hourglass antennas and bow legs sporting a Chewbacca Banner, singing "He ain,t Reddy, He's my Brother"

[chaosfactor]

With the Putrid stench of gooey dead ant gunk permeating from the battle field, 'Flatulence', Ace Reporter, Camped out in a safe house, on the red atoll top, breaks the news by announcing that Myrmica Rubra and Lasuis Niger had signed a loose treaty;

Stating “Is it cos I is Niger, and you is Rubry, we iz a-fightin? Come now Niger, your Anty blood doth seem like mine, is it coz I is trip-pin? We are all realizing, chinky mustard neighbor yonder is well used to enough acclimatizing? Let us dally not longer, and aim with our SAM Martin Luther King weapons, surely enough to blow yellow to the Rhonda"!

'Flatulence', reduced somewhat due to her incapacity to fit in an Ants Nest with her normal size, spoke via Microscopic web Cam after she had lost almost 99.9% of her body weight.
“Things are pretty groovy down here at the minute man", "The drums are kicking, the Tippees are burning and Adam and the Ants is headlining". ""Plus to topple God from his perch, a dealer from Sea-world has just turned up as well”.

Meanwhile back at the Mustard Ranch, dire deeds were afoot, yellow goo sniffers realizing ant-aggeddon could be nigh, were playing their brutal, but final card,
“The Fat Ready Cat-ulator”.

“Get-An-Ant”, the Druid, stirred his magic ant staff in his magic Ant potion,
and muttered thus..
“One Fix to rule em”
“One Cat to bind em”
“One Mix to f*ck us all, and the results bloody Blinding”.

With That, PCP/Morphine Super-charged yellow mongrel midgets, stormed makeshift hippy encampments across from the baseball bat bridge, bringing an end to festivities and free styling DJ’s, indeed, it was all kicking off as we met mid scene with the Turbulence.

"These Yellow ant-fuckers and their bigoted views upon everything, are ruining it for the rest of us small Ruby?/Black Buggers, When will there be an end?", Peace protesters asked.

"All I want is my Bong and my Hybrid Blacky/Redish/Mustard coated orphan AntChild"
"Thats all I ask", stated one one survivor suffering from Ant-dramitic-Stress-Disorder.

[t-o-m]

[chaosfactor]

AntiBiotics sat on the hill, Whilst Anti-depression worked a cheap Thrill, stated, first to the other, "or actually mate!"
Thirst is another, reason to be sat upon this atoll with non other than Getafix.. "The fucking french wizard!!!" ,"it is an bleadin honor Mi'Lord! An Honor!".

(Meanwhile the Cheap non premium paying medal-less ant bastards swept the battlefield clean whilst the Cigar Meddlesome smoking Toffs eyed the Carnage).

"Smells like victory", Bespoke The Ant-i-Christ
"Smells like your mothers Cunt!" retorted a quick witty likable ant, who is no longer here today for various reasons undisclosed.
"Indeed Minion?", "I shall crush fuckers like you that answer back, just like insects, see if I don't".
"Are you a Moderator?" Questioned the wide eyed Anti-everything infants.
"We've heard about you"! !!!
"You have the power to CLUSTER-FU-CK anything that is ever happening!"

The Cat (Moderator, Medal Welder and Dog fucker), calmly observed Clamity Happening, and spoke thus....

"No you microscopic pieces of shit!"
"I am a Cat! And I am gonna shit on you from a great height"
"Cat Shit is Eco-Carbon, Thus I am correct. Fucking Die!"

[Ditocoaf]

This is Fucking Awesome.
I've only read a few random scentences from each post, but still.
Anybody understand what the hell it means? I might adopt it as my new bible.

[DAZMCFC]

This is Fucking Awesome.
I've only read a few random scentences from each post, but still.
Anybody understand what the hell it means? I might adopt it as my new bible.

i think you have to be totally out of your tree on a cocktail of booze and a wide variety of drugs. then you may get an idea of Chaos 's mindset.


otherwse it's a peice of piss to follow it and understand who he is talking about.

[chaosfactor]

I will be getting a vast amount of Babel Fish (re-Translation fish that are inserted in your ear), in the not to distant future.
How ever failing that, if I cannot be arsed to re-script this into an understandable non freak format, then I guess I am gonna have to invite the entire forum down to a one week long drug fueled bender at my house, after which you guys will be fluent in Chaos!!

[Anarkistsdream]

You don't really expect me to read this, do you, Chaos?

[chaosfactor]

You don't really expect me to read this, do you, Chaos?

Why then the wide eye's if you skipped it.....

[chaosfactor]

Correcting a few faults with my secretary earlier, we noticed that there appears to be a huge chaotic chasm admist the language breach on the Freak Fuckers Islands.

We, On behalf of the representatives of the Calamity Preceding, would like to apologize for this minor set-back, and will issue the following statement..

Strobe lights will be used during this performance, and 'Fly by Night' Lawyers will be engaged with the outcome.
Things will not always be as they seem..

Counter to the De-negativity of our current shareholders situation at the moment, we have reached an agreement that leaves Indian Brave Manager 'Norse's for course's' steam'in with rage.

The Thread Hijackers busted last stand at the rehab centre the priory, ended with tears as The Cat snorted The Mustard Chaps Parade into The Ginga Regions. Words were said, mighty words were said indeed! As, Mods with Mods, tried to submit this game.

The Inflatable rescue life rafts supporting 2dimes/Bastard Bush and ChaosFucked-her, collided with the 'Pleasant'ly fu-cked up Cat's "get out of forum card", Thus presenting another problem...
This problem will be dealt with snortly as the cat and the server is out of weed.

[Anarkistsdream]

You don't really expect me to read this, do you, Chaos?

Why then the wide eye's if you skipped it.....

Because of the volume of work you seem to have created!

[chaosfactor]

You don't really expect me to read this, do you, Chaos?

Why then the wide eye's if you skipped it.....

Because of the volume of work you seem to have created!

Vis-a-vis the 50 games you have online with CC(quote)! Plus the forum posts you 'just occasionally pass us by with! Along with 'the other forum'!
for this
Fat Fucking Freaking Medals are abounding

SUGSS-O-FACTOR reserve the rights to any dead people, if your alive, your fucking dead!

[wicked]

You don't really expect me to read this, do you, Chaos?

[suggs]

I confess I didnt really understand this thread.
But Chaos is the new King of the Forums!
(sorry William18)

[mandyb]

I confess I didnt really understand this thread.
But Chaos is the new King of the Forums!
(sorry William18)

mmm, the 'Lewis Carroll' of CC - but infinitely more bizarre.

[chaosfactor]

The LSD Butt farted survivor" Flatulence", hits the enter key...

Welcome "Flatulence", you are the 'reporter'

the wicked reporter....

[chaosfactor]

The LSD Butt farted survivor" Flatulence", hits the enter key...

Welcome "Flatulence", you are the 'reporter'

the wicked reporter....

I expect you to read everything by me,
because I've got you hooked