Conquer Club

Got this via email

\\OFF-TOPIC// conversations about everything that has nothing to do with Conquer Club.

Moderator: Community Team

Forum rules
Please read the Community Guidelines before posting.

Got this via email

Postby InkL0sed on Mon Aug 04, 2008 12:18 pm

It wasn't a picture, and I couldn't find a link, so I just copied and pasted. Sorry for the bad formatting.

DEMOCRAT


You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful. You push for higher taxes so the government can provide cows for everyone.

REPUBLICAN


You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?

SOCIALIST


You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

COMMUNIST


You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE


You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE


You have two cows.
Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pours the milk down the drain.

AMERICAN CORPORATION


You have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.
Your stock goes up.

FRENCH CORPORATION


You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch and drink wine.
Life is good.

JAPANESE CORPORATION


You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

GERMAN CORPORATION


You have two cows.
You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

ITALIAN CORPORATION


You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
You break for lunch.
Life is good.

RUSSIAN CORPORATION


You have two cows.
You have some vodka.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You have some more vodka.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.

TALIBAN CORPORATION


You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.
You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts.

You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.

IRAQI CORPORATION


You have two cows.
They go into hiding.
They send radio tapes of their mooing.

POLISH CORPORATION


You have two bulls.
Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.

BELGIAN CORPORATION


You have one cow.
The cow is schizophrenic.
Sometimes the cow thinks she's French, other times she's Flemish.
The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow.
The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk.
The cow asks permission to be cut in half.
The cow dies happy.

FLORIDA CORPORATION


You have a black cow and a brown cow.
Everyone votes for the best looking one.
Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally vote for the black one.
Some people vote for both.
Some people vote for neither.
Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is the best-looking cow.

CALIFORNIA CORPORATION


You have millions of cows.
They make real California cheese.
Only five speak English.
Most are illegal.
Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.
User avatar
Lieutenant InkL0sed
 
Posts: 2370
Joined: Sat Jun 23, 2007 4:06 pm
Location: underwater

Re: Got this via email

Postby Snorri1234 on Mon Aug 04, 2008 12:56 pm

InkL0sed wrote:CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE



Huh. Have you guys discovered a magical new capitalism or something?
"Some motherfuckers are always trying to ice skate uphill."

Duane: You know what they say about love and war.
Tim: Yes, one involves a lot of physical and psychological pain, and the other one's war.
User avatar
Private Snorri1234
 
Posts: 3438
Joined: Wed Sep 12, 2007 11:52 am
Location: Right in the middle of a fucking reptile zoo.

Re: Got this via email

Postby InkL0sed on Mon Aug 04, 2008 1:25 pm

Snorri1234 wrote:
InkL0sed wrote:CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE



Huh. Have you guys discovered a magical new capitalism or something?


Apparently so...
User avatar
Lieutenant InkL0sed
 
Posts: 2370
Joined: Sat Jun 23, 2007 4:06 pm
Location: underwater

Re: Got this via email

Postby qeee1 on Mon Aug 04, 2008 2:19 pm

JOHNNYROCKET

You have two cows
You make a list of people who have the most cows
Frigidus wrote:but now that it's become relatively popular it's suffered the usual downturn in coolness.
User avatar
Colonel qeee1
 
Posts: 2904
Joined: Sun Feb 05, 2006 12:43 pm
Location: Ireland

Re: Got this via email

Postby MeDeFe on Mon Aug 04, 2008 2:24 pm

qeee1 wrote:JOHNNYROCKET

You have two cows
You make a list of people who have the most cows

You are at the top of all lists you make.
saxitoxin wrote:Your position is more complex than the federal tax code. As soon as I think I understand it, I find another index of cross-references, exceptions and amendments I have to apply.
Timminz wrote:Yo mama is so classless, she could be a Marxist utopia.
User avatar
Major MeDeFe
 
Posts: 7831
Joined: Thu Apr 06, 2006 2:48 am
Location: Follow the trail of holes in other people's arguments.

Re: Got this via email

Postby qeee1 on Mon Aug 04, 2008 2:32 pm

SNAKEYSNAKEY

You have two cows
You get drunk with them and do things you regret
You post the results on an internet forum
Frigidus wrote:but now that it's become relatively popular it's suffered the usual downturn in coolness.
User avatar
Colonel qeee1
 
Posts: 2904
Joined: Sun Feb 05, 2006 12:43 pm
Location: Ireland

Re: Got this via email

Postby InkL0sed on Mon Aug 04, 2008 2:44 pm

NAPOLEON IER

You have one cow.
You have an argument with it about ontology.
It disagrees with you and you call it names.
You no longer have a cow.
User avatar
Lieutenant InkL0sed
 
Posts: 2370
Joined: Sat Jun 23, 2007 4:06 pm
Location: underwater

Re: Got this via email

Postby Neoteny on Mon Aug 04, 2008 2:49 pm

JAY_A2J

You have two cows.
A plane crashes into them.
It was the government.
You have no cows.
Last edited by Neoteny on Mon Aug 04, 2008 2:52 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Napoleon Ier wrote:You people need to grow up to be honest.
User avatar
Major Neoteny
 
Posts: 3396
Joined: Tue Sep 18, 2007 10:24 pm
Location: Atlanta, Georgia

Re: Got this via email

Postby InkL0sed on Mon Aug 04, 2008 2:50 pm

Neoteny wrote:JAY_A2J

You have two cows.
A plane crashes into them.
It was the government.
You have no cows.


EBWOP
User avatar
Lieutenant InkL0sed
 
Posts: 2370
Joined: Sat Jun 23, 2007 4:06 pm
Location: underwater

Re: Got this via email

Postby Neoteny on Mon Aug 04, 2008 2:52 pm

It's true.
Napoleon Ier wrote:You people need to grow up to be honest.
User avatar
Major Neoteny
 
Posts: 3396
Joined: Tue Sep 18, 2007 10:24 pm
Location: Atlanta, Georgia

Re: Got this via email

Postby Snorri1234 on Mon Aug 04, 2008 2:56 pm

NORSE

You have two cows
You kill them, eat them and blame the lack of cows on socialism.
"Some motherfuckers are always trying to ice skate uphill."

Duane: You know what they say about love and war.
Tim: Yes, one involves a lot of physical and psychological pain, and the other one's war.
User avatar
Private Snorri1234
 
Posts: 3438
Joined: Wed Sep 12, 2007 11:52 am
Location: Right in the middle of a fucking reptile zoo.

Re: Got this via email

Postby qeee1 on Mon Aug 04, 2008 3:46 pm

DIDDLE

You have two cows
You get banned for having more than 1 cow
Frigidus wrote:but now that it's become relatively popular it's suffered the usual downturn in coolness.
User avatar
Colonel qeee1
 
Posts: 2904
Joined: Sun Feb 05, 2006 12:43 pm
Location: Ireland

Re: Got this via email

Postby qeee1 on Mon Aug 04, 2008 3:52 pm

more like "more than than one accownt"

amirite?
Frigidus wrote:but now that it's become relatively popular it's suffered the usual downturn in coolness.
User avatar
Colonel qeee1
 
Posts: 2904
Joined: Sun Feb 05, 2006 12:43 pm
Location: Ireland

Re: Got this via email

Postby cena-rules on Mon Aug 04, 2008 4:52 pm

apey

You have 2 cows
You rape them
They run away
You have no cows
19:41:22 ‹jakewilliams› I was a pedo
User avatar
Lieutenant cena-rules
 
Posts: 9740
Joined: Sat Apr 28, 2007 2:27 am
Location: Chat

Re: Got this via email

Postby apey on Mon Aug 04, 2008 4:56 pm

cena you have
one cow you hit on
it dies laughing
you have no cows :P
04:42:40 ‹apey› uhoh
04:42:40 ‹ronc8649› uhoh
iAmCaffeine: 4/28/2016. I love how the PL players are getting wet on your wall
User avatar
Corporal 1st Class apey
 
Posts: 3957
Joined: Sun Mar 18, 2007 6:38 pm
Location: mageplunkas guest house

Re: Got this via email

Postby hecter on Mon Aug 04, 2008 5:03 pm

HIPPIES
You have two cows.
You sell the cows to buy drugs.
You're poor again.
You blame being poor on the capitalist pigs, who have all the cows.
You have a naked drum circle to protest.
In heaven... Everything is fine, in heaven... Everything is fine, in heaven... Everything is fine... You got your things, and I've got mine.
Image
User avatar
Private 1st Class hecter
 
Posts: 14632
Joined: Tue Jan 09, 2007 6:27 pm
Location: Tying somebody up on the third floor

Re: Got this via email

Postby InkL0sed on Tue Aug 05, 2008 9:46 am

OLD PEOPLE

You have two cows.
They both die.
User avatar
Lieutenant InkL0sed
 
Posts: 2370
Joined: Sat Jun 23, 2007 4:06 pm
Location: underwater

Re: Got this via email

Postby Prestor Jack on Tue Aug 05, 2008 10:01 am

MEME

trade cows for magic beans
climb resulting beanstalk
??
profit
User avatar
Sergeant Prestor Jack
 
Posts: 1
Joined: Thu Dec 06, 2007 8:20 pm

Re: Got this via email

Postby InkL0sed on Tue Aug 05, 2008 10:04 am

Prestor Jack wrote:MEME

trade cows for magic beans
climb resulting beanstalk
??
profit


This almost made me spit out my orange juice... :lol:
User avatar
Lieutenant InkL0sed
 
Posts: 2370
Joined: Sat Jun 23, 2007 4:06 pm
Location: underwater

Re: Got this via email

Postby Dancing Mustard on Tue Aug 05, 2008 11:11 am

WRESTLER1UMP

You have two cows.
One of the cows tells you that you are a moderator.
You try to ban the other cow from the field.
You have no power to do so.
The cows laugh at you... forever.
Wayne wrote:Wow, with a voice like that Dancing Mustard must get all the babes!

Garth wrote:Yeah, I bet he's totally studly and buff.
User avatar
Corporal Dancing Mustard
 
Posts: 5442
Joined: Mon Mar 19, 2007 3:31 pm
Location: Pushing Buttons

Re: Got this via email

Postby jonesthecurl on Tue Aug 05, 2008 11:22 am

CONSPIRACY BUFFS

You have two cows.
Are they really cows?
Are they really yours?
Are you really a conspiracy buff?
Then it starts to get weird...
instagram.com/garethjohnjoneswrites
User avatar
Sergeant 1st Class jonesthecurl
 
Posts: 4601
Joined: Sun Mar 16, 2008 9:42 am
Location: disused action figure warehouse

Re: Got this via email

Postby jay_a2j on Tue Aug 05, 2008 11:23 am

Neoteny wrote:JAY_A2J

You have two cows.
A plane crashes into them.
It was the government.
You have no cows.



:lol:


Minor correction:

DEMOCRAT


You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful. You sell your cows for crack and wait on the government to pay your rent and bills... in other words the cows are not desired if they equal what you earn. ;)
THE DEBATE IS OVER...
PLAYER57832 wrote:Too many of those who claim they don't believe global warming are really "end-timer" Christians.

JESUS SAVES!!!
User avatar
Lieutenant jay_a2j
 
Posts: 4293
Joined: Mon Apr 03, 2006 1:22 am
Location: In the center of the R3VOJUTION!

Re: Got this via email

Postby Nobunaga on Tue Aug 05, 2008 12:00 pm

Neoteny wrote:JAY_A2J

You have two cows.
A plane crashes into them.
It was the government.
You have no cows.


... :lol: x100
User avatar
Sergeant 1st Class Nobunaga
 
Posts: 1058
Joined: Thu Jan 26, 2006 10:09 am
Location: West of Osaka

Re: Got this via email

Postby timmyboz on Tue Aug 05, 2008 12:11 pm

Apey, you have one cow, but a broken heart.
I give you my heart
New Recruit timmyboz
 
Posts: 1
Joined: Tue Aug 05, 2008 11:41 am

Re: Got this via email

Postby apey on Tue Aug 05, 2008 12:22 pm

:cry:
thnx but what makes you think I have a broken heart
04:42:40 ‹apey› uhoh
04:42:40 ‹ronc8649› uhoh
iAmCaffeine: 4/28/2016. I love how the PL players are getting wet on your wall
User avatar
Corporal 1st Class apey
 
Posts: 3957
Joined: Sun Mar 18, 2007 6:38 pm
Location: mageplunkas guest house

Next

Return to Acceptable Content

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users