Thread to Report Scandals Involving Army of God

by **Baron Von PWN** on Tue Jan 17, 2012 11:50 am

saxitoxin wrote:
Aradhus wrote:In another life
Aog would be my girl
we'd keep all our promises
be us against the world

Guys, I don't know if this is true or not, but I heard from a trusted source that Aradhus and Army of God are Lesbian pop singers from Russia who are trying to get away from Baron Von PWN who is actually a record producer at a major Moscow record label that secretly rules the world and is trying to break them up and make them two solo acts because they could be more profitable that way. They're on the run together, with only each other on which to depend. Again, I don't know if this is true or not - it's just something I heard. I also found some surveillance film on YouTube:

These rumours are wholly inaccurate and without foundation in fact.

oh and Saxi these men will be showing up at your door sometime after 1am do not be alarmed they are simply bringing over some delicious pirojski I baked for you.

by **saxitoxin** on Tue Jan 17, 2012 6:44 pm

Baron Von PWN wrote:

I don't know those collar tabs, Baron - are they MVD troops? (Taking a guess on that because one is fat and the other looks like he has hepatitis.)

by **saxitoxin** on Tue Jan 17, 2012 6:53 pm

Not sure if this is true or not but someone told me AoG is one of the people who claimed to have had an affair with Herman Cain. But he didn't really and was just saying that because he'd been bribed by Jimmy McMillan with a $10 Taco Bell gift card.

by **TA1LGUNN3R** on Tue Jan 17, 2012 7:02 pm

saxitoxin wrote:Not sure if this is true or not but someone told me AoG is one of the people who claimed to have had an affair with Herman Cain. But he didn't really and was just saying that because he'd been bribed by Jimmy McMillan with a $10 Taco Bell gift card.

Most likely true. However, to be fair, he is a college student, and I'm pretty sure just about any U.S. college student would take that same deal.

-TG

by **2dimes** on Tue Jan 17, 2012 7:08 pm

TA1LGUNN3R wrote:
saxitoxin wrote:Not sure if this is true or not but someone told me AoG is one of the people who claimed to have had an affair with Herman Cain. But he didn't really and was just saying that because he'd been bribed by Jimmy McMillan with a $10 Taco Bell gift card.

Most likely true. However, to be fair, he is a college student, and I'm pretty sure just about any U.S. college student would take that same deal.

-TG

I'm not in any formal school, is it available to regular obese people?

by **Juan_Bottom** on Tue Jan 17, 2012 9:51 pm

I've heard a rather embarrassing one myself. When AoG was around the age of 9, so about three years ago, his brother or friend or someone convinced him that people can breath under water.

"It's not true, no one can breath under water!"

"Yes it is, didn't you see the Abyss movie?"

"It's rated PG-13 so I can't, but then why do people drown, dummy?"

"Because you have to go slow and not panic. There's a lot of oxygen in water but it takes the lungs longer to process it!"

"That doesn't make sense! Does it???"

So anyway, being at the Y at the time, AoG tried to calmly breath under water, and he drowned.
But!!! He was rescued with mouth-to-mouth by a 17-year-old female life guard, who was taking a break from baby sitting. This embarrassingly resulted in his first boner. There he was, lying on his back in front of everyone in his wet swimmy trunks with a little thumb-sized salute. Though his parents tried to explain his tiny, little, baby-woody as stress-related, the guard was so freaked out that she quit on the spot, and the pool had to be closed down until another guard could come in.

Anyway, that's what I heard.

by **Serbia** on Tue Jan 17, 2012 10:33 pm

I heard AoG thought he could replace me at saxi's chalet. GUFFAW.

by **Aradhus** on Tue Jan 17, 2012 10:57 pm

I heard that aog auditioned for the Willow sequel, but he didn't get the part because he was too short.

by **Skittles!** on Wed Jan 18, 2012 5:02 am

I heard that AoG actually lives in the Chinese village which is full of dwarves, who dress as fairies and things like that.

by **saxitoxin** on Wed Jan 18, 2012 12:40 pm

Serbia wrote:I heard AoG thought he could replace me at saxi's chalet. GUFFAW.

I hard that too. It's hilarious AoG thinks he could replace Serbia laying shirtless, eating grapes and sipping Cristal on my chaise lounge for 14 hours each day as Republica music videos play on my 64" plasma.

by **Baron Von PWN** on Wed Jan 18, 2012 7:21 pm

saxitoxin wrote:
Baron Von PWN wrote:

I don't know those collar tabs, Baron - are they MVD troops? (Taking a guess on that because one is fat and the other looks like he has hepatitis.)

They are from the special courtesy unit. They make courtesy calls. Late at night.

by **Juan_Bottom** on Wed Jan 18, 2012 7:53 pm

That explains the hepatitis and the poor diet.

by **saxitoxin** on Fri Jan 27, 2012 6:56 pm

AoG has not contested any of these charges within the five day period allotted.

Therefore, we now know that AoG is a 600-pound, anorexic Brit who listens to Kenny G and once stole money from a homeless musician. He does vanity edits to wikipedia and doesn't tip his waitresses, however, he justifies it by sewing quilts which he then donates to UNICEF. It's possible he is having a love affair with Aradhus and we know for a fact he was involved in the recent cruise ship disaster in Italy. He's a short, slutty, communist hipster who suffers from chronic pubic lice. He grew up in the Appalachia and likes to masturbate while dressed in drag. He lied about having an affair with Herman Cain and vainly thinks he's more beautiful than Serbia. Currently he lives in a Chinese village inhabited by cross-dressing dwarves, where he moved after failing his audition for the Willow sequel. Also, as a child he had an embarrassing incident at a public swimming pool.

IS THIS THE KIND OF PERSON WE WANT AS A MEMBER OF THE CLUB???

by **BigBallinStalin** on Fri Jan 27, 2012 10:51 pm

NO!!!!

Thank God he's banned! He should be happy because in China dissenters are shot, hung, quartered, and then eaten--in no particular order!

by **saxitoxin** on Tue Jan 31, 2012 4:39 pm

I hear Army of God's clone is one of the sluttiest clones around.

by **tkr4lf** on Thu Feb 02, 2012 12:50 am

saxitoxin wrote:I hear Army of God's clone is one of the sluttiest clones around.

I know I fucked her.

by **nietzsche** on Thu Feb 02, 2012 3:35 am

tkr4lf wrote:
saxitoxin wrote:I hear Army of God's clone is one of the sluttiest clones around.

I know I fucked her.

Everyone has.

by **cookie0117** on Thu Feb 02, 2012 4:12 am

Its probably fair that I come clean and admit AoG is a multi of mine, that I used to act out my darkest desires. It was my therapist who told me to get him banned to help me recover.