So I have piles

by **Nickbaldwin** on Sun Oct 05, 2008 1:00 pm

Anyone got any pile-related anecdotes? Or alternative treatments?

by **hecter** on Sun Oct 05, 2008 1:02 pm

Are your piles organized?

by **Nickbaldwin** on Sun Oct 05, 2008 1:03 pm

Not as far as I know. They're rather willy nilly, and hard to shift.

by **brooksieb** on Sun Oct 05, 2008 1:04 pm

Nickbaldwin wrote:Anyone got any pile-related anecdotes? Or alternative treatments?

Eat less cheese and more stuff with vitimin E (don't take my word).

by **Nickbaldwin** on Sun Oct 05, 2008 1:09 pm

brooksieb wrote:
Nickbaldwin wrote:Anyone got any pile-related anecdotes? Or alternative treatments?

Eat less cheese and more stuff with vitimin E (don't take my word).

Why would what I eat affect it? I literally cannot move them.

by **brooksieb** on Sun Oct 05, 2008 1:13 pm

Nickbaldwin wrote:
brooksieb wrote:
Nickbaldwin wrote:Anyone got any pile-related anecdotes? Or alternative treatments?

Eat less cheese and more stuff with vitimin E (don't take my word).

Why would what I eat affect it? I literally cannot move them.

Definately don't sit on the toilet for long though. Warm baths are also good, fibre rich foods are good too.

by **Nickbaldwin** on Sun Oct 05, 2008 1:15 pm

But I can't move because of the piles!

by **hecter** on Sun Oct 05, 2008 1:16 pm

Might I recommend boxes?

by **Nickbaldwin** on Sun Oct 05, 2008 1:16 pm

It's gotten past that stage. My piles are so heaped that I cannot move.

by **hecter** on Sun Oct 05, 2008 1:17 pm

Oh dear... You should have come to us sooner. You'll have to call/email somebody to take care of your piles for you now.

by **Nickbaldwin** on Sun Oct 05, 2008 1:18 pm

I feel a bit uncomfortable about someone touching my piles though.

by **brooksieb** on Sun Oct 05, 2008 1:23 pm

Nickbaldwin wrote:I feel a bit uncomfortable about someone touching my piles though.

That's all i can help with at the moment, the best you can do is look on wikipedia, or even better a site like BUPA or consult the doctor or something like that.

by **hecter** on Sun Oct 05, 2008 1:24 pm

You're gonna have to suck it up man... There's no other option now. Perhaps not letting them near the more delicate piles?

by **jbrettlip** on Sun Oct 05, 2008 1:24 pm

I think there are whole networks on Direct TV devoted to organizing, cleaning, selling on ebay or otherwise ridding yourself of piles. GL. My least favorite pile was always Gomer.

by **Nickbaldwin** on Sun Oct 05, 2008 1:26 pm

I'll arrange for someone to get rid of the bigger piles then I can sort out the rest with good old elbow grease. Thanks for the help everyone.

by **Pedronicus** on Sun Oct 05, 2008 1:59 pm

a fellow sufferer has arrived.

I went to the doctor once complaining about my 'Juddith Chalmers'
true to NHS waiting lists, by the time by hospital appointment came around - my metric miles has virtually disappeared

my hospital story (short version)

I went into a room and had to drop my strides. A doctor and a trainee doctor had a look up my 'arris. the doctor then went in another room and came out with a nurse and another trainee. so now I'm lying on my front, in a room with 4 medical people.
the doctor put on a pair of latex gloves and unscrewed a tube of KY jelly. 'This is going to be cold at first' he told me
straight away he stuck his finger up my arse (and he was right - it was cold) had a rummage around with a couple of fingers and concluded that there were a couple of stools in the way.
'I'll go have have a dump' I said
'nonsense' said the doctor ' well have those out in a jiffy'

I was dumbstruck - this bloke would of rather pulled lumps of shit out of my bum with his fingers, instead of letting me go and have a turn out on my own.

So he asked for a kidney bowl, and stuck his fingers back up there :shock:

and proceeded to pull shit out of my bum

whilst another 3 people looked on. =D>

it turned out in the end that my piles had reduced naturally to the point that they couldn't do anything, so i had spent 10 minutes of my life having poo removed from my arse care of the NHS #-o

by **Nickbaldwin** on Sun Oct 05, 2008 2:02 pm

Pedronicus wrote:a fellow sufferer has arrived.

I went to the doctor once complaining about my 'Juddith Chalmers'
true to NHS waiting lists, by the time by hospital appointment came around - my metric miles has virtually disappeared

my hospital story (short version)

I went into a room and had to drop my strides. A doctor and a trainee doctor had a look up my 'arris. the doctor then went in another room and came out with a nurse and another trainee. so now I'm lying on my front, in a room with 4 medical people.
the doctor put on a pair of latex gloves and unscrewed a tube of KY jelly. 'This is going to be cold at first' he told me
straight away he stuck his finger up my arse (and he was right - it was cold) had a rummage around with a couple of fingers and concluded that there were a couple of stools in the way.
'I'll go have have a dump' I said
'nonsense' said the doctor ' well have those out in a jiffy'

I was dumbstruck - this bloke would of rather pulled lumps of shit out of my bum with his fingers, instead of letting me go and have a turn out on my own.

So he asked for a kidney bowl, and stuck his fingers back up there and proceeded to pull shit out of my bum whilst another 3 people looked on.

it turned out in the end that my piles had reduced naturally to the point that they couldn't do anything, so i had spent 10 minutes of my life having poo removed from my arse care of the NHS