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The bible - can any non retards make sense of that shit?

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Re: The bible - can any non retards make sense of that shit?

Postby Frigidus on Tue Oct 21, 2008 11:30 am

Snorri1234 wrote:
Dancing Mustard wrote:
Backglass wrote:It continues to amaze me how people can have such serious, in-depth arguments about what is essentially myth, legend and lore. It's like writing paragraphs of detailed points arguing whether Superman or Batman would win in a fistfight.
With preperation time, Batman.

Without, Superman.




Oh, who am I kidding... Superman every time. Screw you, Batfans.



Well considering the apparant amount of kryptonite in the world, so much that every small-time crook can lay his hands on loads of it, it amazes me that Superman is still alive. Especially because he doesn't seem to have any clue how to use his powers. (Like all superheroes.)


OK, who would win in a fight, Superman or Jesus (pre-Crisis Superman and pre-Crucification Jesus)?
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Re: The bible - can any non retards make sense of that shit?

Postby Frigidus on Tue Oct 21, 2008 11:39 am

Also:

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Re: The bible - can any non retards make sense of that shit?

Postby Frigidus on Tue Oct 21, 2008 11:41 am

And:

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Re: The bible - can any non retards make sense of that shit?

Postby Snorri1234 on Tue Oct 21, 2008 12:20 pm

Jimmy Olsen comics are the weirdest comics ever.
"Some motherfuckers are always trying to ice skate uphill."

Duane: You know what they say about love and war.
Tim: Yes, one involves a lot of physical and psychological pain, and the other one's war.
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Re: The bible - can any non retards make sense of that shit?

Postby Snorri1234 on Tue Oct 21, 2008 12:22 pm

Seriously.
Image
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"Some motherfuckers are always trying to ice skate uphill."

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Tim: Yes, one involves a lot of physical and psychological pain, and the other one's war.
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Re: The bible - can any non retards make sense of that shit?

Postby Snorri1234 on Tue Oct 21, 2008 12:25 pm

Image

10 bucks says Superman did find a way to turn Jimmy back to normal.
"Some motherfuckers are always trying to ice skate uphill."

Duane: You know what they say about love and war.
Tim: Yes, one involves a lot of physical and psychological pain, and the other one's war.
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Re: The bible - can any non retards make sense of that shit?

Postby moomah on Tue Oct 21, 2008 1:37 pm

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Re: The bible - can any non retards make sense of that shit?

Postby Frigidus on Tue Oct 21, 2008 1:40 pm

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Guess the Super-Mathematics are a bit off today...

Image

Everything is super for Superman.
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Re: The bible - can any non retards make sense of that shit?

Postby Snorri1234 on Tue Oct 21, 2008 2:30 pm

Image
"Some motherfuckers are always trying to ice skate uphill."

Duane: You know what they say about love and war.
Tim: Yes, one involves a lot of physical and psychological pain, and the other one's war.
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Superman and his fucked up associates

Postby Frigidus on Tue Oct 21, 2008 2:31 pm

Snorri1234 wrote:Image


:lol:

Also, this thread is now about Superman and his fucked up associates.
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Re: Superman and his fucked up associates

Postby Frigidus on Tue Oct 21, 2008 2:34 pm

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Re: The bible - can any non retards make sense of that shit?

Postby Snorri1234 on Tue Oct 21, 2008 2:36 pm

Image

Seriously?


Seriously?
"Some motherfuckers are always trying to ice skate uphill."

Duane: You know what they say about love and war.
Tim: Yes, one involves a lot of physical and psychological pain, and the other one's war.
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Re: The bible - can any non retards make sense of that shit?

Postby Backglass on Tue Oct 21, 2008 2:38 pm

Who knew Superman was Catholic? I didn't...

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Re: The bible - can any non retards make sense of that shit?

Postby Frigidus on Tue Oct 21, 2008 2:41 pm

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Re: The bible - can any non retards make sense of that shit?

Postby jesterhawk on Tue Oct 21, 2008 2:45 pm

Backglass wrote:It continues to amaze me how people can have such serious, in-depth arguments about what is essentially myth, legend and lore. It's like writing paragraphs of detailed points arguing whether Superman or Batman would win in a fistfight.

Do you think the human race will ever evolve to a point where such superstitions are no longer necessary for survival?
Obviously, I disagree. And while, I will admit it takes faith to believe in God, God is neither a superstition nor a myth. In fact, He has been proven to exist by the sheer volumes of people that have testified to being witness to seeing God perform miracles within their lives and in others. I mean there have been thousands of healings just in the last several years. And I am not just talking about grandma's hangnail that got feeling better. I am talking about verified and documented cases by doctors that have been proven to be miracles and the only answer is that someone prayed and God moved. No other reason. In fact, let me tell you of a couple that I PERSONALLY witnessed.

LANDON:
Landon is a two year old boy that had MS. His right foot had been turned into face his left foot. He lives in Blackfoot, TX not far from where I live. He is a great little boy with a smile on his face all the time. Our church was in the middle of revival this summer and his aunt lays hands on him and prayed with the Pastor's wife. This was Saturday night. Monday morning, the aunt got a call from Landon's mother that his foot was straight. That Thursday they went to Landon's doctor, the doctor that had been treating his MS, and he was amazed and ran tested and found that the MS was gone and declared it was a miracle. Now, Landon can run and play just like all the other boys. It was nothing the doctor's did and if you know anything about MS it doesn't leave, it may go into remission, but it never leaves. And with Landon it is completely gone. This is because God is real.

JEFF:
Jeff had an accident where he hit his head and was in a coma and brain dead. He had been brain dead for two days when his mother was given papers by the doctors to have the life support taken off and let him fully die. She called her sister who called the church and we all got together and prayed. A man in our church named James got a word from God that Jeff was like Lazarus and that God was going to raise him from the dead and not to pull the plug. The mother did not know what to do because the doctors were pressuring her, but she decided to wait another two days and see. On the last day, after being brain dead for four days, God raised Jeff and he woke up. The doctors were amazed because when he was brain dead there was absolutely no brain activity and they declared that even if he was to wake he would be a vegetable, but you would not know that if you saw Jeff who loves to be at the altar worshiping God with his fully recovered mind as if nothing had ever happened to him. Oh, with one exception, Jeff came to know Jesus as his savior after this incident. Now, the doctors didn't heal Jeff, in fact, they wanted to pull the plug, but God spoke and then healed him because God is not a myth.

Robert:
Robert's wife was watching our Pastor's program "Living in the Glory" on the Promiseland Television network on a Sunday and she heard God tell her that she had to take her husband to our church to be healed. Robert had skin cancer to bad that he was hardly easy to look at. In addition to that, he had other medical problems with his liver and kidneys and stomach. In short, he was not doing well. Wednesday night, our next service, She grabbed her husband, who still was not sure why he had to drive over and hour to go to church when their own church was five minutes from their home. They came and in the middle of service the Holy Spirit moved on the Pastor's wife and she called for anyone in need of desperate healing to come forward. Robert came forward and in his own words later he said that when the Pastor began to speak to him he felt fire shooting through his body. He didn't even remember falling out in the spirit when the Pastor anointed him with oil and laid his hands on him. Two days later in the shower, Robert noticed a strange thing, the skin cancer was LITERALLY falling off of him. He was going to the doctor that day anyway and worried he asked him what was happening. The doctor had never seen anything like this and ran tests. The doctor said (and I quote what Robert said the doctor said word for word), "YOU SKIN IS REJECTING THE CANCER!" The doctor was amazed and Robert got to tell him about God. And God was not done because God corrected the issues with his liver and kidneys and stomach. And this was all because Robert's wife heard the voice of the Lord and she was obedient and because God heals and he is real and not a superstition because the doctor's didn't heal Robert.

JAMES:
My youngest child, James, was 18 months old when he fell out of a second story window. It had been one of those things. I was in the living room with my middle child and we thought the oldest was watching him. The oldest had actually gone to the bathroom and thought the rest of us were watching him. Mom was at work. James crawled down the hall to his sisters bedroom where he loved to play and must have heard something outside and went to look and leaned on the screen and fell out. There was a knock on my door and my middle child answered the door. I could hear the neighbor telling her that she found James by a bush outside and I was thinking about how terrible a joke it was until she stepped inside carrying James. I leapt from the couch and grabbed my son. I did a check over his body having some very basic medical skills. What I could tell was that he was lethargic and his eyes were rolling back in his head. He did not control his head very well and it felt like there was not very much solid in his body. At best he crack most of his ribs and at worst he did severe damage to most if not all of his bones including his spine. I called my wife who had our only car and she raced home and we raced to the hospital. While I was waiting for my wife to arrive home, I prayed over my son. And let me tell you something, in times like this when you are desperate and you really need God there is no flowery words you say or long prayers. You just cry out to God. I just prayed that God heal my son. We arrived at the hospital and were immediately placed in a glass room. They ran a BUNCH of tests and kept coming back and asking, "Are you sure he fell out of the window." The answer was yes because the door was closed and locked and the screen had fallen out and James was in the apartment and then he wasn't. Finally the doctor came in and told us they could not find anything wrong. It was at this point that I went back to my son and did another check, to show the doctor where they missed things, and I am telling you that God healed my son. His neck and head were right. His body was not like jelly but firm where the bones were supposed to be. Everything was as it was supposed to be. And I knew that God healed my son when I prayed over him.

We called our family doctor the next day and he had us come in immediately. He told us that he was sure that the hospital missed something. He did a thorough examine and found nothing wrong with James. Then he told us that he had two other children fall this week come in. First was one that fell out of a first story window on to concrete and cracked his skull and is in intensive care. The second fell out of a second story window on to grass and needed reconstructive surgery on her face. So, when he heard about James, he was certain that the hospital missed something. Then he told us to THANK GOD that James was fine and we did and I do every time I see him.

MYSELF:
Remember these above are all ones I have witnessed and this is the tip of the iceberg. I have witnessed a whole lot more because God is real and not a myth or a superstition. And when you have seen as much as I have, you come to KNOW that God is real. In fact, God stepped in and healed me miraculously as well. Back on September 23rd, 2007, I was at work working late. It was a Sunday night. About 9:00pm, I suddenly got the worst headache I had ever had, which was big because I used to get migraines. It felt as if someone took a large metal rod and rammed it through my head right about my right eye coming out the back of my neck. I called my wife and she was on her way. She called me as she was pulling in the parking lot and I was in the bathroom throwing up and said I would be out as soon as I could. I would in a secure building so she could not come and get me. I remember closing my flip cell phone and next thing I know it is 45 minutes later and I am near the door with my stuff laying on the floor as a security guard is waking me up. I have no idea how I got there. He asked me my name and I told him and he helped me out to my car. I remember getting into my car and the door closing and my wife getting in and then nothing until Thursday.

In the middle of all of this, I learned from my wife, that she took me straight to the ER. There they took me straight into the back and immediately had several doctor's around me. Over the next several hours, they determined that the blood pressure medicine combined with the migraine medicine to cause my kidneys to fail. They told my wife that she should be thankful that I am alive, but expect him to pass by morning. That did not happen. Then they told her, to be grateful that I was alive, but do not expect me to live long and if I did expect me to be a vegetable, need physical therapy just to walk and be on dialysis for whatever time I would have left. But to expect to be preparing for a funeral. My wife and my church prayed.

Thursday morning, I woke up. I say I woke up because I remember nothing of the time in the middle. All nine of my doctors came in to see me because they could not believe that I was awake and fully cognizant. Each one of them told me that they thought I was a dead and they did nothing to cause me to be alive and awake and they were amazed. I told them I knew that it was God who did it. And he did do it because God is real and not a myth.



I mention these because I have personally witnessed these and many more. I could testify all day long to what I have seen God do all in His name and there is way too much to be coincidence. And I tell you because God can become real to you and he wants to. All you have to do is take a step towards God and he comes running to you.

Love in Christ,
JH
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Re: The bible - can any non retards make sense of that shit?

Postby Snorri1234 on Tue Oct 21, 2008 2:53 pm

Robert:
Robert's wife was watching our Pastor's program "Living in the Glory" on the Promiseland Television network on a Sunday and she heard God tell her that she had to take her husband to our church to be healed. Robert had skin cancer to bad that he was hardly easy to look at. In addition to that, he had other medical problems with his liver and kidneys and stomach. In short, he was not doing well. Wednesday night, our next service, She grabbed her husband, who still was not sure why he had to drive over and hour to go to church when their own church was five minutes from their home. They came and in the middle of service the Holy Spirit moved on the Pastor's wife and she called for anyone in need of desperate healing to come forward. Robert came forward and in his own words later he said that when the Pastor began to speak to him he felt fire shooting through his body. He didn't even remember falling out in the spirit when the Pastor anointed him with oil and laid his hands on him. Two days later in the shower, Robert noticed a strange thing, the skin cancer was LITERALLY falling off of him. He was going to the doctor that day anyway and worried he asked him what was happening. The doctor had never seen anything like this and ran tests. The doctor said (and I quote what Robert said the doctor said word for word), "YOU SKIN IS REJECTING THE CANCER!" The doctor was amazed and Robert got to tell him about God. And God was not done because God corrected the issues with his liver and kidneys and stomach. And this was all because Robert's wife heard the voice of the Lord and she was obedient and because God heals and he is real and not a superstition because the doctor's didn't heal Robert.



Wow!

That is amazing!

Let's turn to Morbo now.


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Re: The bible - can any non retards make sense of that shit?

Postby Frigidus on Tue Oct 21, 2008 2:53 pm

Backglass wrote:Who knew Superman was Catholic? I didn't...

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Superman sure is an evil dictator sometimes...

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Re: The bible - can any non retards make sense of that shit?

Postby Snorri1234 on Tue Oct 21, 2008 2:56 pm

Snorri1234 wrote:
Robert:
Robert's wife was watching our Pastor's program "Living in the Glory" on the Promiseland Television network on a Sunday and she heard God tell her that she had to take her husband to our church to be healed. Robert had skin cancer to bad that he was hardly easy to look at. In addition to that, he had other medical problems with his liver and kidneys and stomach. In short, he was not doing well. Wednesday night, our next service, She grabbed her husband, who still was not sure why he had to drive over and hour to go to church when their own church was five minutes from their home. They came and in the middle of service the Holy Spirit moved on the Pastor's wife and she called for anyone in need of desperate healing to come forward. Robert came forward and in his own words later he said that when the Pastor began to speak to him he felt fire shooting through his body. He didn't even remember falling out in the spirit when the Pastor anointed him with oil and laid his hands on him. Two days later in the shower, Robert noticed a strange thing, the skin cancer was LITERALLY falling off of him. He was going to the doctor that day anyway and worried he asked him what was happening. The doctor had never seen anything like this and ran tests. The doctor said (and I quote what Robert said the doctor said word for word), "YOU SKIN IS REJECTING THE CANCER!" The doctor was amazed and Robert got to tell him about God. And God was not done because God corrected the issues with his liver and kidneys and stomach. And this was all because Robert's wife heard the voice of the Lord and she was obedient and because God heals and he is real and not a superstition because the doctor's didn't heal Robert.



Wow!

That is amazing!

Let's turn to Morbo now.


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CANCER DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY!


Not to mention that that story sounds suspiciously like one of those Chick-tracts where most people are completely unaware of "God" and "Jesus".
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Re: The bible - can any non retards make sense of that shit?

Postby DarthBlood on Tue Oct 21, 2008 3:02 pm

william18 wrote:
Simon Viavant wrote:God designs humans to be sinful, then commits genocide on them for their sinfulness, then promises to never do it again, then impregnates a woman and is born as her baby and sacrifices himself to himself to atone for the sinfulness he created in humans, then commits genocide on them for their sinfulness as he promised never to do again.


I call this a prime example of how a retard who know of nothing he talks about spews his comprehansion of the bible with the same cognitave ability of an ostirich. You my now wear the label "Douche bag".


you say the starter of this thread has the same COGNITIVE ability of an OSTRICH, yet you cant spell the words, nor can you write proper english. lol. hypocrite.
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Re: The bible - can any non retards make sense of that shit?

Postby Frigidus on Tue Oct 21, 2008 3:07 pm

DarthBlood wrote:
william18 wrote:
Simon Viavant wrote:God designs humans to be sinful, then commits genocide on them for their sinfulness, then promises to never do it again, then impregnates a woman and is born as her baby and sacrifices himself to himself to atone for the sinfulness he created in humans, then commits genocide on them for their sinfulness as he promised never to do again.


I call this a prime example of how a retard who know of nothing he talks about spews his comprehansion of the bible with the same cognitave ability of an ostirich. You my now wear the label "Douche bag".


you say the starter of this thread has the same COGNITIVE ability of an OSTRICH, yet you cant spell the words, nor can you write proper english. lol. hypocrite.


Man, as if william didn't get chewed out enough when he first said it. :lol:
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Re: The bible - can any non retards make sense of that shit?

Postby Backglass on Tue Oct 21, 2008 3:09 pm

Robert's wife was watching our Pastor's program "Living in the Glory" on the Promiseland Television network on a Sunday and she heard God tell her that she had to take her husband to our church to be healed. Robert had skin cancer to bad that he was hardly easy to look at. In addition to that, he had other medical problems with his liver and kidneys and stomach. In short, he was not doing well. Wednesday night, our next service, She grabbed her husband, who still was not sure why he had to drive over and hour to go to church when their own church was five minutes from their home. They came and in the middle of service the Holy Spirit moved on the Pastor's wife and she called for anyone in need of desperate healing to come forward. Robert came forward and in his own words later he said that when the Pastor began to speak to him he felt fire shooting through his body. He didn't even remember falling out in the spirit when the Pastor anointed him with oil and laid his hands on him. Two days later in the shower, Robert noticed a strange thing, the skin cancer was LITERALLY falling off of him. He was going to the doctor that day anyway and worried he asked him what was happening. The doctor had never seen anything like this and ran tests. The doctor said (and I quote what Robert said the doctor said word for word), "YOU SKIN IS REJECTING THE CANCER!" The doctor was amazed and Robert got to tell him about God. And God was not done because God corrected the issues with his liver and kidneys and stomach. And this was all because Robert's wife heard the voice of the Lord and she was obedient and because God heals and he is real and not a superstition because the doctor's didn't heal Robert.


A lovely campfire story.

How come all these miracles never have any evidence or corroboration? They are always hearsay or a friend of a friend. I also find it interesting that a supposed all-powerful god must work through a slimy TV evangilest to get these things done. Why all the hoops? Why did they need to drive to see a TV preacher? Cant the god(s) just heal you where you stand? Why doesn't this magical mystery being just heal everyone. Were ALL the viewers healed that day? Why not?
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Re: The bible - can any non retards make sense of that shit?

Postby Snorri1234 on Tue Oct 21, 2008 3:17 pm

"YOU SKIN IS REJECTING THE CANCER!"


Seriously! WTF?!
"Some motherfuckers are always trying to ice skate uphill."

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Re: The bible - can any non retards make sense of that shit?

Postby Neoteny on Tue Oct 21, 2008 3:23 pm

Jesterhawk:

I suppose that if all those are proofs for god, then here are some proofs against god.

My Aunt has MS. She is a Christian and has prayed to be cured. So has her mother, my grandmother. She still has MS. Her husband has a tumor in his spine. They've been praying for a while now...

My grandfather died of several cancers and my grandmother of leukemia. Where was god then?

When I was younger, I used to get severe migraines as well. I finally went to get an MRI and the doctors discovered polyps in my sinuses. These were growing and would pose a major problem if not dealt with. The first attempt at a cure was medication, the second line of defense would be surgery. Fortunately, the medication eliminated the polyps. My life was likely saved by these doctors. Is this any less miraculous than your mystery healings?

While it could be argued that leaving god out of these "healings" is naive, it is equally naive to attribute them fully to god. We just know more about sinus polyps than we do MS or leukemia. I'm not going to give god a free pass just because we don't understand what happened to these people.

Snorri1234 wrote:
"YOU SKIN IS REJECTING THE CANCER!"


Seriously! WTF?!


lol maybe HIS CANCER WAS MUTATING THE ANTIGENS!
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Re: The bible - can any non retards make sense of that shit?

Postby Snorri1234 on Tue Oct 21, 2008 3:35 pm

Neoteny wrote:
Snorri1234 wrote:
"YOU SKIN IS REJECTING THE CANCER!"


Seriously! WTF?!


lol maybe HIS CANCER WAS MUTATING THE ANTIGENS!


seriously.

I mean, aside from cancer (!) falling from someones skin. I just refuse to believe a doctor would say something like that.


Wait, what kind of weird fucking skincancer did that guy have anyway? Normal skincancer (like all the ones we know off) does not make you horribly disfigured. Shit, the worst skincancer (melanoma) just appears like a huge mole and fucking kills you if you don't get it out fast.

Damn, the more I think about this story the more it doesn't make any sense.
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Re: The bible - can any non retards make sense of that shit?

Postby Backglass on Tue Oct 21, 2008 3:39 pm

Snorri1234 wrote:Damn, the more I think about this story the more it doesn't make any sense.


Just wait until Jay shows up and starts telling us about amputees growing limbs back. :lol:
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