Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? No. nietzsche, you are the cute seal that beckons the off-topics posters with its big, round, innocent eyes - pools of glistening ink that complement the grey-brown fur of your aquatically-adapted mammalian body. Your hair is like a wavy ocean of Lay's potato chips, eagerly awaiting the day they might be dipped in a satisfyingly spicy salsa con queso that is equal temperature to the attractiveness that irradiates from the pores of your unblemished face, save a trail of cherry juice that drips from your luscious lips which is soon swept away by the pocket handkerchief you pull from your violet suit coat, the silk gleaming in the tropical sun as you lay restfully in a fully-reclined beach chair on the yacht you inherited from your great uncle after 7 years of combat with prostate cancer stole his life and robbed you of the treasured bond with which you held so dearly to your heart.
Hm, I think I'm a bit over the limit

-Sully